How to finish relationship?

LegacyUser

Hi

I am currently in a relationship with a lovely girl. The majority of the time we get on great. I have had issues dealing with her past and it was very hard to get past that. It really hurt me and also hurt her. It was in many ways unfair on her as it was her past and not a lot could be done about it. So we tried to move on.

Still though, to this day at times her past always comes back to me. It's like a dark cloud hanging over my head. I haven't said anything to her about this because it hurts her and makes her upset and that's the last thing I want to do. But it's got to the stage now where I feel as though I can't keep this bottled up much longer. I'm not sure why this keeps coming back up in my mind but it really does wreck my head and put me in bad humour.

Maybe it's a sign that we just aren't meant to be together if I can't get over this? I really think I'm going to finish it. I have tried, really tried to get over this. I have gone to counselling and everything to try get to the root of the problem and yet still I haven't been able to get over this.

She is a brilliant person and somebody would be lucky to have her. I just can't seem to leave the past in the past. She and I both deserve better than this.

How do I break up with her though? Obviously I'm going to be the bad guy no matter what, which is unfair but what can I do?

I want to try let her down as gentle as possible. I love this girl and I know it will break her heart and it will break mine the fact that I can't get over this but I need some head space.

So how do I let her down as gentle as possible?

Thanks for your help.

Lorna123

Don't know how long you have been dating this girl but you seem to be pretty sure that you cannot get over her past. So that's okay, you have to be true to yourself. I think when breaking up with her you should just say something along the lines that you don't see a future in this relationship for both of you and that while you are very fond of her you feel that this is not enough. I don't think I would let her know it is because of her past as that might be a bit harder for her to take. You could also suggest breaking up for a while as you are not sure about how you feel and then just let the relationship drift. I think you are doing the right thing if this is how you feel.

BraziliaNZ

Lorna123 wrote: »

You could also suggest breaking up for a while as you are not sure about how you feel and then just let the relationship drift.

That is really bad advice

Squiggler

If you can't let go of her past then you probably do need to end things with her, and sooner rather than later. The longer you continue the relationship the more you will hurt her (and continue to hurt yourself).

The best way to end a relationship is openly and honestly. Don't lie, don't try to sugarcoat it. Admit that you can't deal with her past, that you know she can't change it and tell her this.

She deserves someone who will accept and love her as she is, past or no past and as long as she is with you she's not going to find that person.

dannyc31

yes you will be the bad guy but unfortuntely you cant always be the good guy in break ups, would you prefer if she was the bad girl who dumped you? of coarse you would but thats not how it is. you know you cant get over her past so you've said it yourself maybe its a sign you are not right for each other.

be a man and do the honourable thing and let this girl go. she'll evenually find someone who wont find her past a big an issue as you. and you'll find someone that any past issues wont even concern you.

best of luck.

Dellnum

nearlyeamonn wrote: »

Hi

I am currently in a relationship with a lovely girl. The majority of the time we get on great. I have had issues dealing with her past and it was very hard to get past that. It really hurt me and also hurt her. It was in many ways unfair on her as it was her past and not a lot could be done about it. So we tried to move on.

Still though, to this day at times her past always comes back to me. It's like a dark cloud hanging over my head. I haven't said anything to her about this because it hurts her and makes her upset and that's the last thing I want to do. But it's got to the stage now where I feel as though I can't keep this bottled up much longer. I'm not sure why this keeps coming back up in my mind but it really does wreck my head and put me in bad humour.

Maybe it's a sign that we just aren't meant to be together if I can't get over this? I really think I'm going to finish it. I have tried, really tried to get over this. I have gone to counselling and everything to try get to the root of the problem and yet still I haven't been able to get over this.

She is a brilliant person and somebody would be lucky to have her. I just can't seem to leave the past in the past. She and I both deserve better than this.

How do I break up with her though? Obviously I'm going to be the bad guy no matter what, which is unfair but what can I do?

I want to try let her down as gentle as possible. I love this girl and I know it will break her heart and it will break mine the fact that I can't get over this but I need some head space.

So how do I let her down as gentle as possible?

Thanks for your help.

Would you not break up for a while first just to give yourself time to think this thing through. You might very well change your mind after a few weeks without her. I would not tell her that you are breaking up because of her past because this is something you might give her a complex about and it is something she cannot do anything about. Personally I think it would be kinder not to say that. Distance yourself for a while to think things out.

Lorna123

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

That is really bad advice

So are you the expert. Why not let the OP take whatever advice suits him.