Alcoholics Anonymous

LegacyUser

So after the passed while of drinking too much and wrecking my life I've decided to go to AA tonight. To be honest I know I have a problem but I need help with giving up.

Lost G/F/ then lost her as a friend over it and this has been coming for a long while.

There is a list of questions on the aa website that says if you answer yes to more than four you have a problem. I answered yes to quite a few.

Anyway I want to get out of this circle.

I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for. I'm bricking it and don't know what to expect. Probably why I put it off for such a long time or maybe the fact that I was always going for just the couple after work every day.

username123

ahcoholicanon wrote: »

I'm bricking it and don't know what to expect. Probably why I put it off for such a long time or maybe the fact that I was always going for just the couple after work every day.

Well done, youve made a great decision!

No need to be bricking it about AA anyway, theyll all be really nice and encouraging to you.

My father was a chronic alcoholic, never gave up, destroyed his wife, messed up his kids and died estranged from pretty much everyone in his life due to his constant drinking. I dont think I saw him sober at all for the last 6 or 7 years of his life. And he died quite young. I still suffer the effects of being brought up in such a dysfunctional home. I would have loved it if he had stopped, even if he had tried to stop!!

I wish you all the best, welcome to the rest of your life!!

LegacyUser

Congratulations on this decision. Everything new is a little bit frightening, but it can be exhilarating also. You've taken the toughest step, now don't look back. This will be a new beginning for you.

Very best of luck to you.

The hardest part of giving up is always admitting you have a problem. You have just done that here which is a huge first step! When you go to AA you will not only have to do it again but you will have to do it in front of real people. It will be harder than writing here but all the better for you too. Admit you have a problem and admit it with gusto. And be proud that you took that first step.

The group will help you in what to do next. Do keep giving us updates here and let us help guide you too.

The first guidance I will give you is that even admitting you have a problem and going to AA is not the solution. It will help a MASSIVE amount yes, but as soon as you come out of the AA meeting you still have to go home to an empty house. There is still a void in your life where drink used to fill. You can not just stop drinking and expect that void to go empty, unnoticed or unfilled. You WILL go back to drinking if you make that mistake and I have seen it made too many times.

So the first guidance from me is to find something to fill that void as soon as you can. Start a class or some classes. Learn a language, a music instrument, how to dance, join a walking group, do charity work, write a diary on a park bench each evening, learn to cook, go fishing. Anything - no matter how silly it is or it seems to you at the time. Just make sure the time you normally spend drinking is not now empty time where you are sitting at home, twiddling your thumbs, and fighting the drink urges. Because the urges WILL beat you - especially at the start. Nature hates a vaccum so you can not leave that vacuum in your life unfilled where drink used to be.

Many other people in AA will make this mistake too. They will come to AA, admit to all their problems, then go home to a dark empty and lonely house. So do not feel shy about inviting those people to do the walking / new classes / new hobby WITH you. It will help them. It will make you feel good that you are helping them. It will help you to have their support there. Everyone wins. In fact when you are at AA standing up doing your speech in front of everyone, which many people do, maybe even mention your intention to find something to fill the time (and explain why and tell them what I just said above) and say "If anyone wants to join me on this then talk to me after the meeting and see what we come up with".

I work with people with addictions all the time and I find that the best advice I have ever given them is what I just gave you now. Never expect to give up your addiction and leave the void unfilled. You need to fill it with something or the addictions will fight against you. I also teach a vipassana class free here in Maynooth and a few people with addictions attend it and say it helps greatly, so think about finding one of these classes yourself too. I know there is one in Clontarf for example with a big sign hanging up near St Pauls School about it.

LegacyUser

Thanks very much for the advice. The one about filling the void stands out a lot. Most of the time during the week I wouldn't be out but come the weekend, say Thursday to Monday it's all out and I drink an awful lot mainly to get out of my own head!!

That in itself leads to drinking the next day again as the alcohol is leaving my body.

I just can't stop when I start. Weekends are the place I need to find something else to do. I don't live on my own and have a really nice house mate who is also a friend so at least it's not an empty house I'm going home to.

I have tried before but it always creeps in and I just decided after last weekend that I wanted to quit but couldn't do it on my own.

Again thanks for the replies.

KeefF

Deleted User wrote: »

The hardest part of giving up is always admitting you have a problem. You have just done that here which is a huge first step! When you go to AA you will not only have to do it again but you will have to do it in front of real people. It will be harder than writing here but all the better for you too. Admit you have a problem and admit it with gusto. And be proud that you took that first step.

The group will help you in what to do next. Do keep giving us updates here and let us help guide you too.

The first guidance I will give you is that even admitting you have a problem and going to AA is not the solution. It will help a MASSIVE amount yes, but as soon as you come out of the AA meeting you still have to go home to an empty house. There is still a void in your life where drink used to fill. You can not just stop drinking and expect that void to go empty, unnoticed or unfilled. You WILL go back to drinking if you make that mistake and I have seen it made too many times.

So the first guidance from me is to find something to fill that void as soon as you can. Start a class or some classes. Learn a language, a music instrument, how to dance, join a walking group, do charity work, write a diary on a park bench each evening, learn to cook, go fishing. Anything - no matter how silly it is or it seems to you at the time. Just make sure the time you normally spend drinking is not now empty time where you are sitting at home, twiddling your thumbs, and fighting the drink urges. Because the urges WILL beat you - especially at the start. Nature hates a vaccum so you can not leave that vacuum in your life unfilled where drink used to be.

Many other people in AA will make this mistake too. They will come to AA, admit to all their problems, then go home to a dark empty and lonely house. So do not feel shy about inviting those people to do the walking / new classes / new hobby WITH you. It will help them. It will make you feel good that you are helping them. It will help you to have their support there. Everyone wins. In fact when you are at AA standing up doing your speech in front of everyone, which many people do, maybe even mention your intention to find something to fill the time (and explain why and tell them what I just said above) and say "If anyone wants to join me on this then talk to me after the meeting and see what we come up with".

I work with people with addictions all the time and I find that the best advice I have ever given them is what I just gave you now. Never expect to give up your addiction and leave the void unfilled. You need to fill it with something or the addictions will fight against you. I also teach a vipassana class free here in Maynooth and a few people with addictions attend it and say it helps greatly, so think about finding one of these classes yourself too. I know there is one in Clontarf for example with a big sign hanging up near St Pauls School about it.

Hi,
What is vipassana and what does the course involve? I am close to Maynooth.

KeefF

alcoholicanon wrote: »

Thanks very much for the advice. The one about filling the void stands out a lot. Most of the time during the week I wouldn't be out but come the weekend, say Thursday to Monday it's all out and I drink an awful lot mainly to get out of my own head!!

That in itself leads to drinking the next day again as the alcohol is leaving my body.

I just can't stop when I start. Weekends are the place I need to find something else to do. I don't live on my own and have a really nice house mate who is also a friend so at least it's not an empty house I'm going home to.

I have tried before but it always creeps in and I just decided after last weekend that I wanted to quit but couldn't do it on my own.

Again thanks for the replies.

OP,
I can relate to everything you said.
Don't drink everyday, I don't drink every weekend. But when I do its usually a 2 - 3 session where anything can happen and not usually anything good.

KeefF

KeefF wrote: »

Hi,
What is vipassana and what does the course involve? I am close to Maynooth.

It is a form of "Mindfullness Meditation". Simply put it is a practice of training ones moment to moment attentions and focus. A way to concentrate on the present moment rather than memories from the past or worrying or thinking about what is coming next in the future.

A lot of people when they hear the word "meditation" think of weird gurus humming to themselves, or spirits, or religions, or gods but mindfullness meditation is none of that. It really is just a training of ones attention without any of the woo or nonsense.

There are retreats and the like which people sometimes go on for it, often for weeks at a time, but there is no real need to do that unless you get really serious about it. I would advise looking for a cheap or free class or getting one of the books by Jon Kabat-Zinn from your local library.

My own class I give free. I advertised it in the college. Its pretty full at present. A few students from the college. A couple of trainee priests. And one actual priest which has been interesting.

nozzferrahhtoo

I would add this link to the already very informative post above.

petes

I was the op earlier. I went at half eight and can honestly say it was the hardest thing/decision I have ever had to do/make. But I made it through the door and will be back tomorrow night. I did share a bit and although I didn't know what to say I did manage some things and there is a lot more rattling around my head but it was good to start, a lot of nice people and I'm glad I did it.

Thanks for the replies!

KeefF

Insurgent wrote: »

I was the op earlier. I went at half eight and can honestly say it was the hardest thing/decision I have ever had to do/make. But I made it through the door and will be back tomorrow night. I did share a bit and although I didn't know what to say I did manage some things and there is a lot more rattling around my head but it was good to start, a lot of nice people and I'm glad I did it.

Thanks for the replies!

Well done.
I went to meetings for about 6 weeks and felt more and more comfortable in them. I never really participated but felt it was where I should be. But Christmas came and i stopped going and fell back into the routine of weekend bingeing etc.
Did you go to a local meeting?
Due to the fear of being recognised and the large number of meetins, I went to city a centre meeting. However I am seriously considering going to one my town which might wake me up to how seriously I need to address this.
Well done again.

daisy1984

That is Brilliant you should be so proud of yourself! You can do it, just keep the faith and AA will get you to where you need to be

nozzferrahhtoo

That is a lot of progress in one day. Admitting your problem to yourself, then us, then complete strangers, and then moving from posting anonymously to posting publicly with your own username. That is a a day to be proud of. As another user said in an earlier post, keep us updated on your journey, ups and down, and perhaps we can help along the way.

petes

nozzferrahhtoo wrote: »

That is a lot of progress in one day. Admitting your problem to yourself, then us, then complete strangers, and then moving from posting anonymously to posting publicly with your own username. That is a a day to be proud of. As another user said in an earlier post, keep us updated on your journey, ups and down, and perhaps we can help along the way.

To be honest, I knew I had the problem for a while but I just kept drinking. Admitted to myself a while ago I had a problem. I have a lot of issues with emotions and I over think things too much so I was kind of self medicating to begin with which got way out of hand.


Don't get me wrong, I would have went for a pint after it!!

petes

KeefF wrote: »

Well done.
I went to meetings for about 6 weeks and felt more and more comfortable in them. I never really participated but felt it was where I should be. But Christmas came and i stopped going and fell back into the routine of weekend bingeing etc.
Did you go to a local meeting?
Due to the fear of being recognised and the large number of meetins, I went to city a centre meeting. However I am seriously considering going to one my town which might wake me up to how seriously I need to address this.
Well done again.

I think there is only two here, the one I went to is only a ten minute walk from me. To be honest the thought of being recognised never even entered my head as I was a bit fixated on getting through the door.