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Told that I am "too nice"

  • 16-07-2012 8:23pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Needing some good advice on this. Was out for a few drinks the other night with some friends and after exchanging few words with random stranger they told me that I am too nice for my own good. They said some other things too which I also agree with and don't need any feedback on but they had me sized up in space of couple of minutes. They said practically all positive things but I'm just bit taken aback by the comment that I am too nice. They said to drop the niceness and that i'll be better off being more of a bitcch.

    I used to have more of a cut to me, still have when you actually know me, but I suppose I am quite a decent person and I think especially cause I've had to look after my dad since he got sick and also cause my mother passed away and i more of less stood in as the person to make up for her not being there for my little brother. That has all brought out my caring nature to the fore but I am now still only in my late 20s and I think the guy had a point.

    What advice, if any, does one have for me?! I'm just a bit shook that someone had my measure so fast and they're right, in a way. What can I do now to bring out the meaner me? :)


Comments

  • #2
    Shawn Juicy Timer
    Posts: 0 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Shawn Juicy Timer


    It's not a question of being nice or mean. It's a question of knowing your own boundaries of what you will accept from other people, what behaviour and treatment you will accept, and sticking to it. Having a backbone when it's called for. Maybe some more sense of self and self confidence as well.


  • #3
    Greenduck
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 303 ✭✭Greenduck


    I agree, I think when someone states 'you are too nice' they sense you probably let people walk over you a little or maybe let people take advantage?

    If a complete stranger can see this straight away without knowing you, some not so nice folk may take advantage of your ' niceness' to your detriment.

    I agree with Bluewolf, you should defo know your limits and boundaries or behaviour and expectations from other people.

    Please dont become a bitch or become mean, theres plenty of bitches and mean people out there already and the world does not need more. :o

    On a completely different note, fair play for looking after your family. You're a good person clearly and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You should always try and keep that caring nature, its one of the nicest qualities a person can have :)


  • #4
    leeroybrown
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,563 ✭✭✭leeroybrown


    I think you're taking what they said too much to heart. Either they meant that you need to be more assertive and look out for yourself a little bit more or they were just giving you plain bad advice. Why would you want to be "more of a bitch" or bring out the "meaner" you when you can still be a nice caring person and just think a little more before you do what others ask of you.


  • #5
    368100
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,067 ✭✭✭368100


    Don't think you need to change yourself because somebody said this to you even if they had good intentions behind it. If you're looking for someone then they should like you for who you are without you needin to try and change to become something that you're not.

    Just be careful and don't get walked over though, make sue you stick up for yourself....in the meantime take it as a compliment, plenty of nasty out there be proud that you're nice :-)


  • #6
    FizzleSticks
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,172 ✭✭✭FizzleSticks


    This post has been deleted.


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  • #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I never get walked over and never have. I think they got that impression because I can probably be overly polite at times and they probably just noticed that in me. I don't have a lack of self confidence and I look after my family because if I didn't, nobody else would be able to do it as well as I can, and anyway they just wouldn't do it anyway, or not to the same extent. Sadly this is a well proven fact and not something I just 'believe'.

    anyway, thanks all for coming back to me on this.


  • #8
    Lorna123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,116 ✭✭✭Lorna123


    ananna wrote: »
    I never get walked over and never have. I think they got that impression because I can probably be overly polite at times and they probably just noticed that in me. I don't have a lack of self confidence and I look after my family because if I didn't, nobody else would be able to do it as well as I can, and anyway they just wouldn't do it anyway, or not to the same extent. Sadly this is a well proven fact and not something I just 'believe'.

    anyway, thanks all for coming back to me on this.

    It could be something you told this stranger about yourself and how you reacted that got them thinking that you were too nice. It's a big pity that more people are not like you.


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