Told him I loved him, He is not in love with me..

LegacyUser

Ive been dating my boyfriend for just over 3 months. Both in our late 20s. I can say without doubt that he is the most amazing person I have ever met. We clicked immediately. Over the weekend, I told him that I loved him. His response was along the lines of that although he had feelings for me, it was not yet love.

So now Im thinking that maybe I have ruined what we have by shooting my mouth off too soon. I kinda knew that 3 months was too soon to be saying this stuff however I really cant help how I feel and thought he should know.

Is it possible that he still can fall in love with me? or have I now pressured him into something which should happen naturally and potentially scared him off.?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Greenduck

Hiya OP,

First of all, don't be worrying. Some people take longer than others to realise they are in love. This is not a reflection on you or your relationship. I'm a firm believer in talking about how you feel and if you felt love, you were right to say it.

Sometimes holding it in can drive you demented!! however dont let his reponse dishearten you or put a cloud on your relationship. Respect what he said and continue on as normal.

Also, give him time and if its meant to be its meant to be. You have been 100% honest and open and if hes as good as you say, he'll appreciate that. Plus its always nice to hear someone say they love you.:)

LegacyUser

Thank you for your reply. Its much appreciated. I just feel like a fool. I think I maybe should have kept my feelings quiet for a bit longer.

I would be interested in knowing if anyone has experienced this before. If so what was the outcome?

Greenduck

I did!

And he told he loved me a week later! He was caught off guard at the time but took some time to think and then said it. I was happy he did this because then I knew he truly meant it and didnt say it just to save me the embarrassment.

Dont feel like a fool, just continue on as normal and it will come in time. If not, you'll know you are in different places within the relationship and you can deal with that then.

brandom

Hey OP,
I have experienced this from the opposite side...at just about three months into our relationship my boyfriend told me that he loved me, and I just wasn't there yet. I was very honest with him about it, I told him that it was too soon for me, but that didn't mean that I would never feel that way, and a couple of months later I was able to tell him that I loved him and mean it. He has since told me that he was not upset at all as he knew that it was very early when he told me, but that he knew it and couldn't not tell me how he felt

Lorna123

At least he now knows how you feel OP and if he thinks in his heart that he will never get there with you then he won't persue this relationship for too long more so in many ways you have done yourself a favour. If he hangs on in there then there must be something there that could develop. That is how I would see it.

LegacyUser

Thank you all for your replies. It has greatly helped to put my mind at ease knowing that others have had positive outcomes from these kind of experiences!!

Greenduck - Great to have heard it worked out for you. Fingers crossed it will happen for me too.
Brandom - Thank you for letting me see things a bit better from the opposite side. I am hopeful that he is thinking along the same lines as you were.

Lorna123 - I agree that if he did not see any future with me he will definitely end the relationship soon. (lets just hope he hangs in there)

Guess all I can do now is wait and see
xxx

Katgurl

Look at it this way OP, how likely is it that you would both realise at exactly the same time?

I've been on both sides and its completely normal, my friends have all commented on the same thing.

Actually now that I think of it, I blurted it out in bed weeks before my boyfriend & didn't think about it since.

Its a nice thing to say when you feel it. Allow him to not HAVE to say it until he means it and not just because its what you need him to say.

snafuk35

helpless123 wrote: »

Ive been dating my boyfriend for just over 3 months. Both in our late 20s. I can say without doubt that he is the most amazing person I have ever met. We clicked immediately. Over the weekend, I told him that I loved him. His response was along the lines of that although he had feelings for me, it was not yet love.

So now Im thinking that maybe I have ruined what we have by shooting my mouth off too soon. I kinda knew that 3 months was too soon to be saying this stuff however I really cant help how I feel and thought he should know.

Is it possible that he still can fall in love with me? or have I now pressured him into something which should happen naturally and potentially scared him off.?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

He probably doesn't know.
Give him a break.
It's not curtains for the relationship.
It takes a long time to really get to know someone and its much harder to find out if you really love them.
This falling in love stuff sounds too idealised or like something you saw in a movie or a romantic novel.
This is the real world and that's that.

SheFiend

I second that. In my opinion "love" is an umbrella term for a collection of emotional and physical reactions to an individual, but also less tangible things which take time like memories you shared and associate with that person, seing them develop as a person and respecting admiring that development.

I think it's best not to dwell on the word "love" and focus on the actual relationship