I dont know what to do.

soul_jd

Ive been with my girlfriend for 14 months now, I'm crazy about her, but recently things havnt been the best, we've been fighting almost everyday, a few months ago we both decided that seeing as though were going to same place to study and to work, that if we moved in together, and that was a big plan for a long time, but then we got into this small argument and now the whole thing is gone out the window, and i wont lie.. it absoloutely broke my heart, we were both so excited and now it just seems like she dosnt care anymore, and the more i think about it the more upset i get, coz shes going moving in with other people now and I have to do the same thing, Its just going to make things so much more difficult, and the idea of her living with other people while Im in the same place as her just kills me... does anybody have any advice.. please... I would really appreciate it.

Lorna123

soul_jd wrote: »

Ive been with my girlfriend for 14 months now, I'm crazy about her, but recently things havnt been the best, we've been fighting almost everyday, a few months ago we both decided that seeing as though were going to same place to study and to work, that if we moved in together, and that was a big plan for a long time, but then we got into this small argument and now the whole thing is gone out the window, and i wont lie.. it absoloutely broke my heart, we were both so excited and now it just seems like she dosnt care anymore, and the more i think about it the more upset i get, coz shes going moving in with other people now and I have to do the same thing, Its just going to make things so much more difficult, and the idea of her living with other people while Im in the same place as her just kills me... does anybody have any advice.. please... I would really appreciate it.

I am sorry that things have turned out like this for you, but I really think that it could be for the better. You are both only young so there is no need to rush into living together. It might do the relationship good if you both keep a bit of privacy. It might also save you from bigger problems should things fizzle out. Just see how things go and maybe next year you both might be more ready to live together. She is obviously thinking along those lines too so if I were you I would not mention it anymore. Time will tell whether this relationship is going to work out or not and in the meantime it is better for both of you to live independently. Don't feel that all is lost just because of the living arrangements, there is still plenty of time for that. You can both lead full social lives while living apart without being in each others' faces all the time. I hope you feel better about this soon.

LegacyUser

Lorna123 wrote: »

I am sorry that things have turned out like this for you, but I really think that it could be for the better. You are both only young so there is no need to rush into living together. It might do the relationship good if you both keep a bit of privacy. It might also save you from bigger problems should things fizzle out. Just see how things go and maybe next year you both might be more ready to live together. She is obviously thinking along those lines too so if I were you I would not mention it anymore. Time will tell whether this relationship is going to work out or not and in the meantime it is better for both of you to live independently. Don't feel that all is lost just because of the living arrangements, there is still plenty of time for that. You can both lead full social lives while living apart without being in each others' faces all the time. I hope you feel better about this soon.

Totally agree with this OP. If you move in with her, because you are young, your relationship will turn into a full blown co-dependent one. What will happen is that you will slowly start to lose your friends, spend all your time together, fight more and eventually break up. I am just back with my girlfriend after having a very rough few weeks. We were in a codependent relationship with me being too needy and clingy and her getting no time with her friends etc, it just isn't healthy. By the sounds of it, you sound like she is your only focus in life. I would say just enjoy living with new people, go to the gym, find some hobbies. If you do all of that, I guarantee you your relationship will be stronger because you will have your own life, she will have hers and ye will both complement eachother, instead of 'completing' eachother.

Hope I helped a bit!

Dellnum

Lorna123 wrote: »

I am sorry that things have turned out like this for you, but I really think that it could be for the better. You are both only young so there is no need to rush into living together. It might do the relationship good if you both keep a bit of privacy. It might also save you from bigger problems should things fizzle out. Just see how things go and maybe next year you both might be more ready to live together. She is obviously thinking along those lines too so if I were you I would not mention it anymore. Time will tell whether this relationship is going to work out or not and in the meantime it is better for both of you to live independently. Don't feel that all is lost just because of the living arrangements, there is still plenty of time for that. You can both lead full social lives while living apart without being in each others' faces all the time. I hope you feel better about this soon.

I agree with this too, better off living apart for a while longer. You will also have a more rounded social life and maybe appreciate one another a bit more.

soul_jd

ok guys, some help would be really appreciated,

about a year ago i applied to join the army, but i got medically discharged due to a lower back injury, so i took some time off and tried to look for work but couldnt find any and ended up on social welfare. i spent some time with my girlfriend and decided to go to college, and it just so happens that shes going to the same city as im going to, plan was to move in, few fights happened and that idea is down the drain now.

Anyway, I still decided to take up the college course, and ended up paying for it, but now I'm having trouble finding accommodation and getting the money together for it etc, so I'm in a pretty tight situation atm, The only reason I decided to take the course is so that way I'd still get to see her, even if it is just once or twice a week or whatever, she means the world to me and I'd be lost without her.

But recently after paying for the course I got a call from my army careers advisor asking me am I still interested in joining, and believe me, the army has been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember, but I feel at the moment I gave up an awful lot for my girlfriend who in the end, Decided to abandon me, I know at the end of the day it was still her decission and I fully support her 100 percent and wish her the best and just hope things will work out for us.
But now I'm caught between the decision to take up a college course that I've already paid for and at least still get to see my girlfriend OR go to the army, get a decent wage, get a decent life, make a living, get a traid, but the only thing thats stopping me is i dont just want to be stuck around doing nothing on my own waiting for the application to come through which takes up to five months, and then eventually when I do go, only see her every 6 weeks.

the plan was before we even thought of moving together was for her to do her course and me go to the army and have her move over to me after her course, we can still do that an all, but its just I dont wanna be on my own doing nothing waiting for the application, moving to a new city, TRY and make new friends... while shes living with new flat mates, new job, new life, happy... and im honestly truly happy for her... I just do need some advice guys.. anything would help..... suggestions.. something.

hope to hear from somebody soon.

Taltos

OP - I have merged your threads. As per our charter please don't open multiple threads in a short space of time.

Taltos

Ellsbells

Don't put your life on hold for her - she isn't for you. Go to the army and build a life for yourself. If she is still there after then grand but by the sounds of it, given that you would only see her once or twice a week she may not be.

soul_jd

ok to be perfectly honest, i think im being taken for granted now, i dont know what to make of this situation.

me and girlfriend have been fighting for a while, but recently things have been getting alot better and weve been alot better in the last few days than weve ever been.
but last night i was crashin at hers, and she had to go do a job for her mum in her mums school.

so i headed off home and she told me she'd call me later, kissed me goodbye etc, so i went home and waited around for her, kept myself busy etc. like 3 hours later still no call from her, so i txt her anyway, and another hour later she finally txt back sayin ya im at a friends house ttyl. friends who btw, stole from her, took her for granted, left her crying every night, used her. and i had to be the one to pick up the pieces every time, listening to how much she hates them,
then today she totally ditched me, didnt even bother saying im here, wont be in later, sorry for not lettin ya know, or anything like that, then shes at their house, completely after forgetting me, like as if she dosnt care about me, txts all short ( out of the 1 message i got).
i dont even mind that shes there but shes even bother to contact me to let me know she wont be around after she keeping me waiting for almost five hours. and me being the one then to pick up the pieces after their mess listening to how much she hates them.. etc... its just ridiculously annoying!!

maybe im just thinking too much into this, but its kinda unfair to be honest, that she left me around waiting especially when we had plans to go out for dinner.

but if you guys wouldnt mind, some feedback or suggestions on how to deal with this would be very much appreciated.

thanks guys.

Foggy.nelson

You are been takin for granted, I'd nip it in the bud, she might change if she realises that she can't take you for granted

chinesedoll

It is very inconsiderate of her, and having been in your position in the past, I would say sit her down and tell her, somewhere quiet where you can have a proper conversation. The more you give someone, the more they take whether they mean to or not. Maybe write down a list of what is happening and then tell her. If she doesn't agree to try to be more considerate and reciprocal, then perhaps you might consider parting ways. Relationships are a two way street, and I know that when you give and give and someone takes and takes, you end up feeling as if you have nothing left to give and it hurts a lot. I hope this has helped in some way.

soul_jd

thanks guys, but the thing is, this has happened before, and everytime ive tried to say something to her, i get the same sort of response, ''its always about you, your always bringing yourself into the situation, what about what i want etc'' its so annoying, eveytime and i MEAN everytime ive tried to say something to her thats what happened. she wont listen, she always thinks that she has to contact me everytime etc, turns out in the end she just headed off to the pictures with her, no contact no nothing. im actually driven up the walls with it now at this stage, but i dont want to lose her, i do love her, but she has been really unfair as of late.

i appreciate the help and advice by the way, but the thing is, its been tried, I honestly dont know what to do, Shes being really really immature and really dam selfish,
i honestly couldnt care less if shes with her friends but just the fact that she dosnt even bother to say, ya i wont be in later or anything! i mean this is ridiculous!

moral of the story is everytime i try to express a point to her, i get called selfish and am told that i need to grow up and be more mature, this is a joke!

chinesedoll

Turn the tables on her. Do the same thing and respond exactly as she responds and see how she takes it. If she doesn't realise...I hate to say it, but you will only end up more and more miserable as time goes on.

soul_jd

i think its my only option.. thank you

B.A._Baracus

Op,
Sorry for being direct here. But wash your hands as of right now. You are being strung along and you are going to get dumped. Don't allow that to happen to yourself.


'You see the cards coming. So why play' ...

Piliger

Hi OP.

It's like this ... if you were asked what kind of girl you would like as a girl friend, and what kind of a relationship would you like to have with her for the next year ... would it look ANYTHING like this relationship ?

'nuff said.

Taltos

OP - you have already been asked not to open multiple threads, particularly on the same issue in a short space of time.

Please note, if you continue to breach our charter we will have no option but to start issuing warnings/infractions and/or bans.

Taltos

Mighty_Mouse

You sound frantic!!

The only reason I decided to take the course is so that way I'd still get to see her, even if it is just once or twice a week

So you completely change your life-plans for her?

the army has been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember,

If the army is your dream. Then go for it.
If your relationship with your GF is meant to be it will survive.
Can you get a refund on the course that you don't really care about doing?

i went home and waited around for her, kept myself busy etc. like 3 hours later still no call

She was in a mates house. What message did you need to hear from her?

Is there anything about your own behaviour that has led to the problems in the relationship?
How would your GF describe your behaviour?
Would she say that you are a little over-bearing?

What free time do you allow your GF?
Time where she can go off and do her own thing without needing to contact you or explain her plans?

Matteroffact

Put yourself first for once. Ask yourself where would you like to be in 5 years time. You need to get a proper job, so you have now been offered the army and it is something you would really like to do, so go for it. Forget about your g/f and whether she will still be there for you. You can't go very far unless you get a decent job so you have that opportunity now so go for it. The rest will look after itself.