Am too determined

LegacyUser

I kind of figured out myself there recently that I always get what I want. Doesnt matter what it is, or how far, or the cost, or the heartache, or what I have to do to get it. What I think is important, I am determined to get it.

This is only a small example, but for example, clothes-wise, I know what I want-and I wont stop until I get it. Nothing else will do once I have it in my head. It could mean weeks/months of research trying to find exactly the thing I want. Same with education/work. I wanted a particular job, I went back to college, extemely stressful time, and didnt stop until I got the job I wanted. If someone says no, I see it as negotiation rather than no. When I know it feels right for me, I just go for it. Nothing has ever fallen into my lap, Ive worked very hard for what I have.

Which leads me to the next bit. Am single. For about 3 years now. Ive had a few long-term relationships, but knew they werent right for me. I met a guy, and he was what I wanted. He seemed to think I didnt like him-I did, alot, but he got the idea I didnt. Maybe I was too shy to show what I was feeling, but he literally knocked the socks off me. I wasnt prepared for that. I explained to him it wasnt anything to do with him. Now he doesnt seem to care. Fair enough, we werent together very long, but I actually feel a bit heartbroken and the olde determination has kicked in.

Ive tried so hard to stay in contact and try to meet him again, but it isnt happening. The more lax he is, the more determined I am. Its like a red rag to a bull. Like in life, the more he resists, the more determined I get out of sheer frustration.

What the hell is wrong with me? This is a man. Who has shown he doesnt want anything to do with me, and I cant seem to stop-the rejection is something appaulling to deal with, yet I see it as something to use as determination?

Its just something that has struck me over the past few days. Am not a very controlling person-family and friends would say that am quite laidback. But it is worrying me now. Normal thinking people would walk away, dust themselves down eventually and then get on with their lives. I am stuck because the person I wanted, I cant get, yet the "cant get" part is something I use for my determination. Can anyone shed any advice?

Typer Monkey

You need to learn to distinguish between goals and tasks to be completed and another individual's right to choose. He has decided, for whatever reason, that he is not interested in pursuing a relationship with you, as is his right. You have no option but to accept that otherwise what you are doing is hassling him and disregarding his right to make decisions about his own feelings. It's called being a reasonable adult who respects themselves and others.

Failure to take no for an answer can also be regarded as harassment and nobody wants to be that girl. Leave him alone,accept he knows his own mind and move on before you loose your dignity. There will be lots of men who actually want to be with you & won't have to be hassled into it.

Keep your determination for appropriate situations.

Zen65

Typer Monkey wrote: »

Keep your determination for appropriate situations.

Surely your REAL goal is to have a relationship with somebody who feels the same way about you?

You need to clear your head and find out what exactly your goal is. A smart goal is achievable, but a goal which involves changing somebody is neither achievable nor smart.

Focus your energies where they will do you some good.

Be at peace,

Z

Stavro Mueller

Maybe it might be worth thinking about how you'd feel if the situation was the other way around. How would you be thinking if you someone you weren't interested in kept pursuing you?

edellc

I think the word stalker comes to mind here

As was said above would you like this being done to you if you made it clear that you did not have any feelings towards someone and they didnt listen and keep pestering you....stalker

So stop and have a look at your behaviour and realise its okay to be determined when it comes to career and what you want out of life but its not okay to be like that towards people, they are not objects, goals or accomplishments, they have feelings just like you.

Also do you really want to be know to this guy and his mates as the desperado who is stalking him and being a total freak of nature, we both know that you dont, so take control and responsibility for your actions

LegacyUser

edellc wrote: »

I think the word stalker comes to mind here

As was said above would you like this being done to you if you made it clear that you did not have any feelings towards someone and they didnt listen and keep pestering you....stalker

So stop and have a look at your behaviour and realise its okay to be determined when it comes to career and what you want out of life but its not okay to be like that towards people, they are not objects, goals or accomplishments, they have feelings just like you.

Also do you really want to be know to this guy and his mates as the desperado who is stalking him and being a total freak of nature, we both know that you dont, so take control and responsibility for your actions

Thanks for the advice, but the above post is by far the worst advice Ive ever seen-its antagonising. I wouldnt want to be in your mind if you go around calling people stalkers! Am far from that. And freak of nature? How can you say that about someone you dont know. Thats damaging. I definitely would not want to be in your head.

Am mid to late 20s and Ive noticed this pattern-luckily it is now. I know now what Ive been doing is not the way to go about things, especially with people. I live overseas and am quite independent. I am just too determined to have things my way. Maybe a control thing.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.