Ex friend trying to get back friendly.

irishbarb

Alrighty, so, nearly a year ago me and this girl who were ''Best Friends'' for 6 years ended up having this massive blow up. It was all over the fact that me and her boyfriend got along well and ended up becoming friends. She hated the fact that we got along so well, she was extremely jealous. Of course, she never told me any of this until it all came to head when she couldn't go out one night and he ended up going out with all her friends (I was there as well). She didn't care that they were all there, it was just that I was there that she went mental over. She went psycho telling him I was all the names under the sun, but she acted sweet and normal to me? When they broke up he told me she used to call me all kinds of nasty names to him. Just very immature and psychotic to a point as well in some of the things she would say and do. She must have had a really slow self esteem and trust issues. She also left her Facebook signed in on my guest account on my computer, so I saw exactly what she was saying to other people about me, most of it was lies.

Well, recently I've met her out a couple of times, and because we have mutual friends she would be over talking to them, and both of us being pissed ended up talking. She text me today (sober) acting as if we are friends again asking me was I heading out and talking about the last night out. I don't know how to handle the situation. We had some really good times when we were best friends, but then I think about all the stuff she's done to me when we were fighting, and even before. She just seems to have a lot of issues. She's had a year to change, but she probably hasn't? I don't want to fight with her any more, but I'm not sure that being friends is such a good idea? Just looking for any advice on this mess. I'm thinking being civil, saluting her when I see her, talking to her the odd time is the best route to go, but not being friends.

tinkerbell

Tbh, I wouldn't even be civil - I'd act like they didn't exist. She was a right b!tch to you and hasn't even apologised and now is all chatty-chatty? Unless she apologised and REALLY apologised, then you could be civil. But she hasn't, so I'd just ignore her. Tell her you're not interested in being her friend.

beks101

irishbarb wrote: »

I'm thinking being civil, saluting her when I see her, talking to her the odd time is the best route to go, but not being friends.

Go with your instinct. This girl was never your friend. She was nasty, jealous and thought nothing of spreading lies about you, the actions of an enemy more than anything else.

Maybe she has insecurities, issues, sure don't we all to be honest, most of us are capable of treating our friends with care, respect and compassion regardless. She's not. Stay well clear.

Ickle Magoo

As I see it, you have three choices OP.

1) You can carry on as you are now - holding her at arms length because of all the water that's gone under the bridge but giving the pretence of being friendly.
2) You can cease contact and make it clear you have no interest in being her friend.
3) You can get together and discuss what's happened in the past, get it out in the open and clear the air and either get closure to move on properly or call time on the friendship once and for all.

It really comes down to how salvageable you think the friendship is/want it to be and how bothered you are about clearing the air. I think it's going to be impossible to do anything other than hold her at arms length under the pretence of a tenuous friendship without clearing the air. Even then, I suspect you may have to confront the issues that have gone on at some stage if you remain in any way "friendly" as her brushing her past behaviour under the carpet gets more and more irritating...so if you have no interest doing that it might be easier just to keep contact to an absolute minimum and not encourage her in any way by responding to texts or the like.

All the best.

thefeatheredcat

Has she taken any responsibility for her behaviour? Has she apologised to you for what she said and did and the lies that she made up about you?

It really depends on what you want. The ball is really in your court and you have control over what happens whether you try to become friends or not.

I think asking yourself if you have missed her friendship or enjoyed yourself without her being a part in your life should give you an indication whether she is a friend that adds value to your life; if not, then you know the friendship is a no go anyway.

In your shoes I'd be reluctant; at the end of the day life is too short to have to deal with people like that who just make you feel bad or bring you down or treat you badly. Sometimes not giving second chances if the best way to assert yourself and stand up for yourself and allow yourself to be treated better by others.

But you know something, if there is no apology forthcoming and she wants to skip over what happened and pretend the fight and the nasty stuff never happened, without acknowledging it or dealing with it, then definitely not worth having around in your life. To me it would be like saying there was nothing to apologise for and nothing learnt from.

irishbarb

Thanks all!
She didn't apologise or anything, her way of dealing with things is to just brush them under the carpet and pretend nothing ever happened. I think I'm just going to be civil with her since it's been a year, but not actually be friends with her. Just treat her as an acquaintance. I haven't actually missed not being friends with her that much and I think the negativity she brought into my life was more then the positive.