Tag Rugby trip away

LegacyUser

Hi guys, my girlfriend and I have been dating 2 years. We have a great relationship for the most part and even though we're both capable of being a little bit jealous, we are cool with each other doing most things. We both played on the same tag rugby team last year but this year, I couldn't play due to work. I don't know anyone (except for 1 girl) on the team this year as it's all changed. She now wants to go away on a tag weekend in september and I'm not comfortable with it... Mostly because I saw the inter-team sex that went on last year! Most people on the team are single and do it to meet people. How do you think I should address this - both personally and with her?

Beruthiel

testing123! wrote: »

We both played on the same tag rugby team last year

I'm not comfortable with it... Mostly because I saw the inter-team sex that went on last year!

Is this a gay only tag rugby team?

Most people on the team are single and do it to meet people. How do you think I should address this - both personally and with her?

Both I would say.
If there is no trust, there is no relationship.
If you haven't had a discussion on monogamy with your g/f yet, have it.

viclemronny

It's a case of trust. If you trust her, then there's no reason she should not go. If you don't, then I think you have a look at why.

Trust is a serious component of any relationship. Whatever happens, be honest with yourself and her about how you feel (only be honest with her when you've figured out how you feel though) and everything will work out for the best ultimately.

Piliger

Hello OP. I find this really disturbing to be honest. You seem to have no trust in your GF. What kind of relationship is that ? What kind of future does that present to you ? Do you expect to keep her on a leash for the next ten years ? more ? Do you expect to stop her going places on her own ? because she might leap into bed with the nearest decent looking man ? Is she some kind of sex mad women ? Is she prone to making herself available for sex when you are not there to watch her every moment ?

My personal view OP, is that you have a real problem. Jealousy of this kind will lead you only to a sad state of affairs in whatever 'relationship' you ever chose. If you want a happy future you really need to see someone about this and deal with it in order to liberate you to have normal relationships, with trust and love.

P. Breathnach

Can you clarify something please, OP? Is the event a tag rugby weekend where some shagging happens, or is it a shagfest with tag rugby as an excuse?

Revand

This screams jealousy and trust issues..

Basically let her go and and enjoy herself if nothing happens then you can trust her if it does then you cant. turn around when she comes back of the trip and nothing happened imagine if you hadnt of let her go for an impartialness to trust on your behalf.

Why would you even be thinking such thoughts, has she previously cheated to make you think like this..is there more to it.. or is your fear of the others shes going with.

Maybe you can make a joke of it in a passing way.. and laugh it off let her know how ya feel.. but dont come across as too jealous.

What happens when you want your freedom to go away.. and she doesnt want you to go. think about it. let her go and have fun itll see if yous have trust issues or not in the long run

IrishEyes19

You have to let her go. It's her life and her interest and by not supporting her, you are only showing her that you are insecure about the relationship and do not trust her.

I think you need to sit down and explain your fears but express that you want her to enjoy her trip. There is no bigger kill factor to a relationship than jealously and insecurity. Sit down and have a chat. It's scary but worth it.

Piliger

IrishEyes19 and OP - the only issue I would have with that course of action is that essentially it puts the guilt factor right in the lap of the GF. She is then left with the unenviable choice of staying at home to keep him happy or going and feeling guilty for hurting him.

OP. You are not alone. Jealousy is not unique to you. The issue is not really about how you feel, but about what you do about it. I have felt pangs about partners in the past, as have most of us, maybe even all of us. But the right decision; the one that shows our love for our partner; is the decision to suck it up and show our love by giving the freedom to our partner to mix and travel with others DESPITE our pangs.

ihsb

I think you need to voice your concerns to your girlfriend. She should be able to put your mind at ease. If not then you both need to come to a decision for her either not to go, for you both to get over your jealousy or to call it quits.

MrScootch

Piliger wrote: »

But the right decision; the one that shows our love for our partner; is the decision to suck it up and show our love by giving the freedom to our partner to mix and travel with others DESPITE our pangs.

From personal experience I'd say that is not neccessarily true and potentially naive. I once did just as you said and it turned out to be the biggest mistake of my life and that I had been right to feel jealous and insecure. Sometimes it can be a warning sign that you know deep down the other person doesn't deserve your trust and you're not with the right person.

You need to figure out *why* you don't trust her and work from there.