Work predicament

Big inner

Hi all,

I'm 27. Just to give you prespective, pretty much all my friends and family know i'm gay. I've been through the whole telling everyone and never really had any issue from anyone and if i've had it's been more my paranoia. I even play rugby and some team mates know and don't have an issue with it.

I've a boyfriend of 2 years, and everyone loves him and so do I. So all seems pretty ok but here is my dilemma.

I recently moved into a new job, end of 2011. I get on well with people in work but have never told them i'm gay. I've never lied and always refer to my bf as my partner, but alot of my cilleagues refer or ask me questions about my misses or gf. I've never corrected them and have answered truthfully except for the glaringly obvious.

So in three weeks time we have this foreign overnight event with partners, all expenses paid trip for one night with work. It is all a social event and no work involved. I'm bringing my bf but a bit terrified what the reaction will be!

My worry is that people will treat me differently and that it could affect my career?

Anyone been through something similar? Any advice?

Thanks in advance.

scwazrh

You've been yourself and been honest so if any colleagues have issues when you and your fella arrive, that's their problem not yours.unless your working in a real backwards company your probably worrying when it's not necessary, and if you are working in a backwards company , it may not been the right job for you.

Daith

You might want to casually mention it before the event? Just something like yeah and me and the boyfriend are really looking forward to it?

floggg

Daith wrote: »

You might want to casually mention it before the event? Just something like yeah and me and the boyfriend are really looking forward to it?

I'd agree. Just so everybody is not flabbergasted. Even if they are totally cool, it might end up being the topic of conversation for the night which might be a bit strange.

Conor30

It depends what your work is. In some it could definitely go against you being openly gay (like in mine). In some it wouldn't make any difference.

If you don't want to come out at work, then don't bring your partner on the trip.

But why should your partner miss out and why should you have to diminish your happiness (by not having your partner's company)?

If you ARE bringing your partner along, I'd mention in advance that it's a he, just to make it less of a surprise at the airport!

foggy_lad

You have been nothing but professional in not allowing your person life interfere or encroach on your work life and if these people are at all professionnal they won't bat an eye-lid at your partner being male.

paulmorro

Like was said above it kinda depends on the job. You work in google, I can't see it being a big dea, but it might be for other professions. If you're thinking of bringing him, definitely mention it in advance. Otherwise it WILL be the topic for the weekend. But if you work with a cool bunch of people, it'll just be a minor event that's forgotten about quickly.

whattotdo

OP,it's up to you to weigh up the pros and cons.I know from my two gay brothers that they have no quality of life not been out at work because their sexuality is a part of who they are and their partners are a bigger part,so many times they've nearly said 'he' instead of 'she' etc,partner never free for work social events.
They have friends in different parts of the world who they'd like to stay in touch with but can't use fb or work colleagues will wonder why they didn't accept their friend request,they lie so much that eventually it will catch up with them.
If one of them gets engaged they can't share that excitement at work,invite work colleagues to wedding etc but that's just how I see it,everyones personal circumstances are different.

Big inner

Thanks peops.

Some good advice, I've an update:

A girl in work came over to my desk (she is in my team), and we were chatting away and she asked me what my gf's name was. I was a bit stuck and tried to side step it but she was surprised that I would not tell her and was engaging others in the conversation. Even the guy next me commented and said 'yeah you never mention her or her name!' Anyway I avoided it and asked her did she want to get a coffee. A few minutes later she asked again about the name and I told her.

She was shocked and laughed, and was cool about it.
She said just presumed I had a gf, she apologies for forcing the issue at my desk. She then went on and was saying 'sure you know such and such is a lesbian and look how grand people are with her'. . . So all was grand which I knew it would be with her, she even texted later that night apologising and that she was looking forward to meeting my other half.

Next issue, guy who sits beside is a real D4 head and comes across quite macho. Today he started asking about my gf's name, no surprise. I was totally unprepared and stupidly avoided the issue to an extent that I know he was thinking, 'for f**k sake, would you not just tell me'! I was too busy to get into it as the day was hectic, anyway he left it. so my plot rumbles on. . .

My plan is to slowly tell the people who matter in work so it's not as big a deal when we are away together.

We have a department night out soon, 3 days before the work trip which could be ideal timing.

Thanks so far for the advice as it is definitely helping.

Regards.
Big.

Dubhlinner

maybe ask the girl you told to tell a few people. I sorta feel sorry for the guy you sit beside. It must come across as if you really dislike him

sure we should be able keep everything to ourselves but in the irish culture certain things get shared.

Conor30

Dubhlinner wrote: »

maybe ask the girl you told to tell a few people. I sorta feel sorry for the guy you sit beside. It must come across as if you really dislike him

sure we should be able keep everything to ourselves but in the irish culture certain things get shared.

Yeah, true and especially given that it's the type of workplace where partners are readily involved, for example, this trip away, etc.

Barna77

Work would be the last place I could think of to come out. Unless, as it's been said above, it's a really open minded place.... Unlike mine. I've heard my boss a few times saying he can't think of anything more disgusting than two men kissing....

So none of their business, at least in my case.

True companies have the equal oportunities policy and that sexual orientation is not a matter of discrimination, but in the end of the day it's only written words. Easier said than done.