Moving on from mistake

LegacyUser

I'd really appreciate any words of advice.

A few weeks ago I did something stupid. I was seeing a guy I knew through friends. It wasn't anything serious, we'd only been on a few dates. I had quiet hopes it might go somewhere though. But then I went out one night with friends and got stupid drunk. I dont usually drink that much but this night I was really bad. I bumped into a group of the guys friends in a club and ended up kissing one of them. Don't like the guy I kissed at all, don't even remember kissing him. Still makes me feel sick thinking about it.

Anyway the guy found out v quick and understandably was pissed off. I rang him to apologise but he wasn't having any of it, said some kind of harsh things, probably out of anger. I asked for a 2nd chance but he wasn't interested. I think he's actually seeing someone else now.

I'm not looking for sympathy or advice on how to get him back. I effed up, my bad. But it's been a few weeks now and I'm still down about it. I've done stupid things before but never something that's affected someone else. We have quite a few mutual friends and I keep thinking how they must hate me now. I just feel so bad about it and want to forget about it. But then part of me feels I deserve to feel this guilt.

Maybe I'm just ranting but I would really appreciate any advice.

Lorna123

Write to your ex explaining how you feel and if he doesn't reply or doesn't accept your apology then there is nothing else you can do. Best of Luck.

Ellsbells

Oh god do not write to him. Learn your lesson and move on cos he has. Thats not exactly a good friend of his either is it

All you can do is make sure not to drink so much in future if you can't control yourself, and don't do it again, and move on from it

P. Breathnach

I think you are right in concluding that you have blown your chance with this guy, and I imagine that you have learned a lesson.

But I also think that it is unlikely that your mutual friends would hate you because of it. It's far more likely that they see what happened for what it was: a bit of stupidity on your part. Unlike you, they will probably forget about it fairly fast (in the sense of consigning it to the dustbin of history as last week's gossiping-point).

Piliger

Hi OP. You have probably lost this one. Of course it is sad. Everyone makes mistakes but there are some who know only black and white
I don't see how there is anything to lose by writing ... but that is up to you. Only you know if he is worth it.

I really don't believe you should beat yourself up OP. Yes what you did wasn't a nice thing to do, but it's not a capital case ! We make mistakes in life. That's what life is all about.

Relax and move forward, lesson learnt.

My solitary note of caution is to say that if alcohol makes you do similar things regularly ... then please learn from that too. If not ... then no problem.

Dellnum

Dw13 wrote: »

I'd really appreciate any words of advice.

A few weeks ago I did something stupid. I was seeing a guy I knew through friends. It wasn't anything serious, we'd only been on a few dates. I had quiet hopes it might go somewhere though. But then I went out one night with friends and got stupid drunk. I dont usually drink that much but this night I was really bad. I bumped into a group of the guys friends in a club and ended up kissing one of them. Don't like the guy I kissed at all, don't even remember kissing him. Still makes me feel sick thinking about it.

Anyway the guy found out v quick and understandably was pissed off. I rang him to apologise but he wasn't having any of it, said some kind of harsh things, probably out of anger. I asked for a 2nd chance but he wasn't interested. I think he's actually seeing someone else now.

I'm not looking for sympathy or advice on how to get him back. I effed up, my bad. But it's been a few weeks now and I'm still down about it. I've done stupid things before but never something that's affected someone else. We have quite a few mutual friends and I keep thinking how they must hate me now. I just feel so bad about it and want to forget about it. But then part of me feels I deserve to feel this guilt.

Maybe I'm just ranting but I would really appreciate any advice.

There is nothing wrong with writing to this guy and in a properly phrased letter letting him know that you are not the type of girl who would normally do this kind of thing. Trying to explain over the phone is not the same and doesn't sound as sincere. At the time he was annoyed with you so he didn't get time to think about what you were saying. If he sees it in writing he will have time to digest it and even if he doesn't want you back at least you will have left him with a better image of you.

R.D. aka MR.D

Don't write him a letter, it might come off as a little odd or needy.

By all means send him a well constructed text.

Honestly though, you've probably lost this one and you just need to move on.

BraziliaNZ

Dellnum wrote: »

you are not the type of girl who would normally do this kind of thing.

Proof is in the pudding. A girl did this to me once at the start of our relationship, after she begged me to take her back and blamed booze, I took it as a once off. 6 months later she dumped me.
If you're properly into someone you don't do these things, no matter how drunk you are.

Taltos

OP - just let it go.
If this was done from me I would have no interest in hearing any excuses or justification or indeed getting a letter - do you really want something potentially being shared around among friends...
Just chalk it up and learn from it.