Distance from a friend

LegacyUser

I was turned down by a friend which is fine but i want to tell them that i just cant do the friend thing. I have tried loads of things and really dont want them to feel bad either or know how hard its been. Id just prefer not to see them. Just really lost and I do want to move on. Lost at what to do and how to do it.

leeroybrown

Just tell them straight up that you're sorry it's come to this but you can't be "just friends" at the moment and really need to not be around them for a while. Then you just have to do the hard part: unfriend them on Facebook, unfollow them on Twitter and go out of your way not to encounter them for a while.

LegacyUser

Yeah doing that, but need to change the moment thing to a long long time

leeroybrown

Then just change a "moment" to a "long time". There's no point in messing about or trying to sugar coat it. Trying to run around in circles to justify or explain it won't make it better or easier.

token56

When it comes to things like this you just have to be selfish and do what you need to do for yourself. Just contact them and tell them exactly what you said here, you can't be just friends so you need to have no contact with them from here on in.

This will hurt for both and the other person but if this is what you need to move one then it is something you just have to go through.

There are many people who will have gone through something like this and probably needed to do the same thing but didn't and found it a lot more difficult to move on as a result. It's a brave decision to make so be confident with it and do what you feel needs to be done.

Piliger

sinking wrote: »

I was turned down by a friend which is fine but i want to tell them that i just cant do the friend thing. I have tried loads of things and really dont want them to feel bad either or know how hard its been. Id just prefer not to see them. Just really lost and I do want to move on. Lost at what to do and how to do it.

Hi OP ... I don't know how old you are but I'm guessing in your 20's.

Let me tell you the perfect way to tell him/her and don't say no before you think about it. Sit down and write a hand written letter. Yes yes.... no one does that any more ... but actually they do. And it really makes the more personal impact that I get the feeling you would like to make.

Draft one first and then write the final one. Say that you have strong feelings for them, and that you cannot cope right now with remaining 'friends' and seeing them regularly. Say that maybe some time in the future you will feel differently, but for now you hope they won't be offended if you don't maintain contact. Say that it's not their fault. This is about you and they have nothing to feel bad about. Wish them luck in their future.

Remember OP that you are not alone. This happens a lot and it's no picnic. I understand completely.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Thanks Piliger. I do like the idea of writing a letter to them. Sounds like a good plan to me. Grateful for your help, thanks.

dannyc31

yeah the letter thing is a great idea. people often express how they really feel when they write by hand.

one thing to add thou is make sure to make it permanent for the forseeable future. its all too easy to fall back into the friends thing when things get rough and you need a shoulder to cry on and the other person also might not be as quick to let you go so you have to be strong and disiplined with keeping the distance thing going.

best of luck

LegacyUser

They've probably been through something similar at some stage and will understand and sometimes you do have to put yourself first and look after yourself. This is one of those times and don't feel bad. Take it easy on yourself and I hope you feel better soon.

All the best.