what is this?

LegacyUser

I'm a gay woman and met someone a few months ago who at the time I understood was straight. I'm going through a difficult time trying to understand what kind of relationship this is now. She assures me she is straight and initially it wasn't an issue but I started to fall in love and thought wisely it would be better to cut all ties with her and sat her down and explained all this. She said it would be ok and we could work it out but I was adamant that we shouldn't be friends. She was visibly upset and it broke me to do it and the seperation lasted about three days before we took up where we left off. We went back to being friends.

Around the time we met she started dating a man. She would see him once a week but spend every other day with me, I often stayed over and slept in her bed but she never shown interest in any other way, like she won't hug me. She freezes up. She has on occasion held my hand, after a few beers or walking home late but I accepted it all in the capacity of a friend and tried not to think anymore of it.

The night she introduced me to her bf made me start to question her motives. She was eager for me to meet him and the three of us went out togrther. She gave me a lot of attention and seemed to want to go with my suggestion to go to a late bar rather than leave early with him. At one point he left our company "to leave us to it". During that time she fretted and asked for a smoke, I gave her my last one and jokingly told her thats how much I loved her. She didnt crack a smile, she just asked me to say it again. I didn't.
Her bf did come back and as we were leaving she held my hand walking out the door.

I decided the next day to go away for a while, it was upsetting, we argued and I said somethings that hurt her. We didn't talk for a while, she only forgave me because I told her I actually did love her.
Everything is much the same and it's breaking my heart. It's as though she's happy for me to have feelings for her, despite the fact it is hurting me and knowing she will never be able to return them. I left again today because I know I can't do this anymore.
If you've read this far thanks for listening and I would really appreciate some advice if there is any. x

gcgirl

If I was you I'd steer clear sounds like someone with issues

baby and crumble

OP, I hate to say it, but she's playing you for kicks. At least that's how I read it. She likes having someone around who is really into her- it's an ego boost. Now that she has a boyfriend she can have both. She isn't your friend, OP, not really. I'd steer well clear if I were you.

It also sounds like maybe she was gearing up to ask you for a threesome. Steer well clear of that too, unless you want a total mindfcuk in a couple of months.

Chuchoter

Feelings don't come out of nowhere and this girl is ****ing with you. She isn't your friend, friends don't lead eachother on and then try to continue the relationship to stop herself (not you!) feeling guilty. Stick to your first plan, phase her out completely because its going to end really badly otherwise.

LegacyUser

thanks guys. I know how it sounds and I would give the same advice if I were reading this myself. I already questioned her about threesomes and made it very clear that I'm not interested. She swears she's never even kissed a girl, I'm just not sure I believe her. I thought maybe she's gay, she just doesn't want to admit it, her bf seems to be for appearance sake only, they've attended a family wedding and birthday celebration together and not much else other than the night we were out together. Her mother is involved with the local community church and she sings in the choir hardly x rated stuff. I think there was a piece of me that felt a bit sorry for her. I'm happy enough to leave it go now. Thanks for the input.

1ZRed

baby and crumble wrote: »

OP, I hate to say it, but she's playing you for kicks. At least that's how I read it. She likes having someone around who is really into her- it's an ego boost. Now that she has a boyfriend she can have both. She isn't your friend, OP, not really. I'd steer well clear if I were you.

It also sounds like maybe she was gearing up to ask you for a threesome. Steer well clear of that too, unless you want a total mindfcuk in a couple of months.

I have to agree because I've done something similar before and broken somebody's heart over it also. All you are is an ego boost- a back up but you don't get used, you're just there for the "just in case" that never comes. It's just comforting to her.
I can't say I've been committed to someone at the same time but I've played a few people at once. Not at all to this fucked up degree but I suppose the the principal is the same.

Don't waste your time with her, she's with someone else and you're just wasting your time waiting on her. Don't want to sound like a dick and be overly harsh about it, but it's not fair on you never mind whatever she thinks!
If she's behaving like I did, she's just being selfish.

ThatsAWrap

I agree with the previous posts, I think she is just messing with you and doesn't care about your feelings. Try to steer clear (though thats easier said than done)

LegacyUser

I was with her yesterday, I didn't say anything, we've already discussed these matters before and I know how that argument ends. Steering clear isn't an option right now but I am more assured about how I should feel with regard to her however. I won't be getting my heart broken. Thanks again