I want to help my brother - psychologist?

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I (a bloke) live with my younger bro only. My father and mother split in a horrible separation a few years ago and have moved their separate ways. All is peaceful between my bro and I however I am concerned over his complete lack of direction in life.

He dropped out of school before the Leaving Certificate, and four years later has done no training, education or anything else. He basically watches tv, and then heads out to mates to smoke weed or drink. Generally, he has a very good heart but I am concerned he is locked into an endless cycle and has no prospects or future.

He is fairly normal apart from apathy and a lack of motivation but I was wondering if there were any psychologists that could help with his lack of direction and his addictions that anyone would know of.

Otherwise he will stay on the dole and be fairly direction-less despite having buckets of potential.

I think he may be depressed having experienced depression myself and being diagnosed with it.

Any and all help appreciated.

Thanks

fro9etb8j5qsl2

It is possible that your brother is depressed but it is also possible that he is just young and immature and likes to arse around drinking with his friends. You could try talking to him and maybe pressing ever so gently as to whether he might feel depressed. Also, let him know that you know what depression is like and that there are plenty of ways to treat it. If you go in all guns blazing suggesting psychologists and pointing out all of his faults then you'll have a war on your hands.

You say he has an awful lot of potential and is directionless and if this is truly the case, then offering/suggesting a way to explore this potential might get him going.

TBH, talking and offering support are the only things you can do. Young people have to make mistakes to learn from them.

username123

How is he funding this lifestyle?

When I was on jobseekers I had virtually nothing left over after paying mortgage, groceries, bills, etc.... Certainly not enough to be off wasting money on drink or weed smoking.

Doesnt he have rent/groceries/bills expenses? And if not, why not?

Perhaps its time he had to stand on his own two feet? Its hard to stand on your own two feet when someone else is propping you up.

Of course if he is making equal contributions to the shared living environment then there is little that can be said about standing on his own two feet financially, but in that case he is just plodding along going nowhere and needs some encouragement to make some changes and do something.

Its not acceptable that he has no direction, and no tools to find a job in a market when even the highly qualified cannot find work. Surely he can go back to do his leaving cert at least, rather than sit around doing nothing?

What does he say about it if you discuss it with him?

thefeatheredcat

I personally would be concerned too. You say it's all peaceful between you both, but do you engage with eachother on a personal level? Has he expressed if he is happy or unhappy about his life or sought advice or anything like that?

He may be happy with his life and you might have no choice but to accept that and respect his decision to live like that.

He might be unhappy but not really know what to do to improve his life and could not want to burden you with his problems or issues.

tbh I'd be a bit careful - he might see you as interfering rather than being concerned, especially if this for him is coming out of nowhere from speculating upon his life so I think that checking with him if he is happy or unhappy and suggesting that you're there for him might be a good place to start and take things from there.

Beruthiel

WantToHelpBro wrote: »

He dropped out of school before the Leaving Certificate, and four years later has done no training, education or anything else. He basically watches tv, and then heads out to mates to smoke weed or drink. Generally, he has a very good heart but I am concerned he is locked into an endless cycle and has no prospects or future.

Have you said any of the above to him OP?
Why not voice your worries to him.

sambuka41

WantToHelpBro wrote: »

He is fairly normal apart from apathy and a lack of motivation but I was wondering if there were any psychologists that could help with his lack of direction and his addictions that anyone would know of.

Psychologist won't be able to help him with anything unless he also feels these things are a problem. There are some people who will go through life without any ambition or direction, that can't be changed unless its something they want to change. The same is true for any addictions, that has to be something that your brother wants to change.

Maybe have a chat with him and see if he sees these issues the same way you do.

Username123 mentioned it already, but if he is being supported by you or parents and you dont agree with what he is doing, then stop facilitating it.

best of luck