Stab in the heart

LegacyUser

Hi there,

I am Irish but lived abroad a lot of my life. I moved back to a place I am new too and it was a bit adjustment. Shortly after I moved I met a guy and really thought it was going somewhere. Through him I made friends and had a great social life. To be honest I thought he was really into me though he was quite hard to get to know on some level.

Anyway he dumped me kind of out of the blue, didn't really explain. We were together about 5 months. I was devastated. Obviously his friends had loyalty to him and distanced themselves from me. A couple of his female friends contacted me briefly after the break up then nothing which I understand. to be honest I was glad because they remind me of him and it was too painful. I found out that he moved on pretty quickly and started dating someone new. He may have met her when he was with me am not sure but don't think so.

I did everything you should do after break up- hobbies, kept busy etc. I am quite an independent person and never rely on a bf to meet all my needs so wasn;t a clingy type. This break up though it was around xmas knocked me for six. I think I went into a depression and kept thinking about him. I have done my best to move on as best I can trying to make friends etc. I have made good progress but to be honest no matter what I am doing or who I am with, he is never far from my mind. I have also dated other guys but find we are not compatible or no spark.

Anyway this week I ran into one of his female friends. We started chatting and she was telling me about her plans etc. She mentioned my ex and her bf and that they were all heading away on a weekend break and that they had planned holiday. She didn;t mention the new girlfriend but it was obvious that she was going etc. She is a nice person and was just chatting -prob thinks am over everything. Anyways it was like a stab in the heart hearing his name. I just felt like I was numb and couldn't even hear what she was saying after. She noticed something was wrong and asked me if I was ok. I said I hadn't been feeling well.

I went home to bed as I felt so awful. All these feeling are coming back about him etc. I feel like I am back at square one. Am angry, disappointed with myself and also sad. He is off with her now and probably doesn't give me second thought. I know people have has much longer relationships break down (I have too) but I used to think I was strong. I don't know why I am taking so long to move on here and am afraid that these feelings as much as I have been trying will never go away. The rest of the week has been a blur for me since this.

Sorry for long post please dont say keep busy, I have and it helps but only a certain amount. Thanks so much.

batsherlashes

Although it wasn't a very long relationship, I know how you feel. I went out with a guy for six months and when we broke up I was devastasted. Cried every night for weeks after and wasn't feeling myself until another six months I'd say. But it does get better with time. It's great that you're keeping busy and making friends. You're doing all you can to move on but unfortunately sometimes it just takes times and some relationships like this can take longer to get over because it seemed so out of the blue. Things like meeting his friends can set you back but keep persevering! And at the end of the day, make sure you look out for yourself at the moment. You deserve to be happy so do what you want to do and don't worry or care about those who don't make you feel that way.

ennis81

Awh hun the real reason you feel so bad is that there was no closure, happened so fast, you thought everything was great and then the rug was literally pulled from under you, it happened to me and ITS HORRIBLE.
You didn't do anything wrong and you feel so bad because you don't understand how you could have thought so much of him and he moved on so quickly after you.
It was an experience put it down to that and he isn't worth your sadness or tears. You are strong I can see that by how you have tried to continue with hobbies and make new friends instead of wallowing.
Its v normal to feel the way you do but onwards and upwards from now on, don't waste any more time feeling bad about this, big hug to you

Mc Kenzie

Hey !

What your feeling sounds normal to me. we v all been there and felt that, sometimes a few times. I went through something simelar where the guy just disapeared and left me in the dark with know explanation. ...It takes time ..i know its rubbish to hear , but it will. try and be with friends family, talk about it, cry if you need to dont keep it in. one day you'll realise your happy again

smileyscientist

Sorry to hear that OP.. but I just want to say that this happens to most poeple after a breakup! Its horrible.. happened to me twice.. the first was a 7month relationship with someone I worked with (bad idea, I know:rolleyes:) and like you I it came staight out of the blue and never got any closure(hate that word!) and everywhere I went people would be talking about how great he was getting on and even a few months after when they thought I should have been over it anytime they mentioned it it would feel like a hot poker through my heart.. the second guy went along the same lines but his reason was that he was't ready for a relationship (He decided teh best way to impart this infomation was over the phone) I did all recommened things and got over him and after about 5/6 months accepted his FB request and got the hop of my life when I saw he was in a happy relationship with someone else!!

BUT the good news is both of these events didn't set me back as much as I thought they would.. I guess I underestimated how much progess I had actually made.. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and got back on track and got back on the horse- nights out/ took up new activites and met someone new when I wasn't even looking for it! Now when we I INEVITABLEY hear something about them I just smile, wish them the best and consign it to a lesson learnt and realise that it wouldn't have worked out anyways for whatever reason!

The first encounter is the worst!! Time really is a great healer. Get back out there and don't underestimate yourself.. you have done the grieving part months back, don't waste anymore of your energy thinking about this insignificant person in your life. Its just one of lifes little setbacks:D

Zoria

op12345 wrote: »

Anyways it was like a stab in the heart hearing his name. I just felt like I was numb and couldn't even hear what she was saying after. She noticed something was wrong and asked me if I was ok. I said I hadn't been feeling well.

To be honest, I wouldn't feel in any way envious of this girl. If how he treated you is any reflection on how he treats women in general, she'll be given the shake off by him at some stage as soon as something else catches his eye. He treated you horribly op, you have got to see what a lucky escape you've had here. I know you feel somewhat out of sorts because you thought it was going somewhere, but be glad that he didn't carry this out with you any longer than he did, it would have been much harder to understand and even more hurtful.

Keep doing what you were doing regarding what you said about your hobbies etc. Can I ask you, do you get along okay with that girl you were chatting to? I know you were saying that you shared friends, but this girl stuck her neck out and had a chat with you. Is asking her out for a drink a possibility? I'm sure his friends initially sure how to handle things, and probably felt bit bad for you. Get super strong about this and get yourself back on the market. No more tears over that one