Not attracted to girlfriend's body

LegacyUser

I've been going out with a girl about three months. And it's going amazingly well except for one thing: I don't find her body attractive.

It's not that she's overweight or anything. It's more the proportions, and the fact that she has scars and visible veins.

Don't misunderstand me, I don't have some kind of expectation of perfection. I've gone out with many girls with less than perfect physiques or skin, and it's never been an issue, because I've always been attracted to their bodies.

That's not to say I don't find her attractive. She really is. She has the most amazing personality, a beautiful face, dresses well. I'm head over heels for her otherwise.

Everything's mostly great in the bedroom. I just try to focus on her face more than her body, and I'm so attracted to her otherwise it doesn't really matter.

My worry is that it's not a great way to be. Shouldn't the prospect of seeing your partner naked be exciting, rather than being a turnoff? Can a relationship work in the long term when you're trying not to look at her body too much?

snafuk35

If you don't find her physically attractive anymore then I don't see the point in being with her.

Dellnum

Personally I think we all look better with clothes on. You are not making love to body parts but to a person. How do you think you look naked to her, you might be surprised at the answer.

davet82

i dont mean to come across as a smart ass but maybe turn the lights off?

you say its visual, that should not effect the sense of touch?

Lorna123

This relationship is all on the surface with you. If you can't get past this then she is not the girl for you. Simple as that.

squonk

If you're having these issues only 3 months in then tbh it's not a great sign. You're not attracted physicall, you're not attracted and that isn't going to change so you've only one option here...

dannyc31

i have to say i'm more of a face man and really thats what you see 90% when you're dating someone. its were you're gonna eventually fall for someone by looking at there face and although it sounds cheesy "into their eyes".

have you tried to have sex with her in different lighting? like really dim the lights down. also is there any particular sexy underwear you're into? you could discuss purchasing some of this stuff with her. she may not mind wearing a corset or some stockings etc. you may find you get turned on then and dont dislike her body as much as you thought.

on the other hand these could be the first signs of realizing you just are'nt attracted to her enough to see her as anything long term so be careful of this and go with what you're gut is telling you.

Whiteflag12

You seem to be very attracted to this lady otherwise, as you said she has a great personality, nice face etc. We all get older and looks can fade, it's true that what's underneath is what matters. I have to agree with poster above..... You might be surprised what people might pick out on your own body that is less than perfect!

Piliger

Hi OP. First of all I really think that you should release this girl from your relationship. I don't think it is fair to be dating her and feeling like this about her.

After that I suggest some retrospection about what relationships are for, and why you want to be in them. Is it for the purpose of find a beautiful body, or something else. This process comes with maturity and isn't helped by the media deluge of photoshopped bodies. You will learn more over time but in the meantime please don't string this lady along.

Stavro Mueller

I don't necessarily think you're being shallow here. There are things that can turn us all off. It just happens that your girlfriend's body is one of those things that ticks one of those boxes for you. Unless you can overcome it in your own mind, then I'm afraid there's no future in this. Sorry.

beks101

God, I feel so sorry for this girl. Most women are so self-critical when it comes to their bodies, it would be a complete nightmare to know that their boyfriend feels the same way.

Do her a favour and let her go. Three months isn't a long time and you would honestly be saving her from a nosedive in confidence and self-esteem, if your feelings about her body are coming across in any way, however subtle.

chocolatrose

beks101 wrote: »

God, I feel so sorry for this girl. Most women are so self-critical when it comes to their bodies, it would be a complete nightmare to know that their boyfriend feels the same way.

Do her a favour and let her go. Three months isn't a long time and you would honestly be saving her from a nosedive in confidence and self-esteem, if your feelings about her body are coming across in any way, however subtle.

This is so true.

It's very likely your girlfriend is already picking up on subtle clues that you may not find her as physically attractive as one should when you are in a loving relationship, however discreet you think you may be. Girl's pick up on this very easily but if she really likes you is probably putting it to the back of her mind. If you can't get past this, then leave her. You will destroy the poor girl's confidence if you drag it out and start carrying out silly measures such as having sex with the lights off just so you don't have to see her body.
If you are attracted to a person as a whole you won't be thinking about the flaws that you perceive about her body while having sex, that just doesn't seem right at all. I mean, are you perfect or something? Let her go and find someone that will appreciate her in every way and enjoy having sex without having to just focus on her face for god's sake.

I honestly think this is something you need to work on yourself because if a few minor flaws can get in the way of what you say is a perfectly attractive great girl otherwise, it just seems ridiculous. It's not worth continuing the relationship I'm afraid imho.

December2012

I think you know that this is not normal.

How would you feel if she felt this way about you?

Also, are you happy with a relationship where three months in you are finding flaws that make her not attractive to you?

Merkin

If you're not attracted to your girlfriend then you really shouldn't be with her. Her proportions aren't suddenly going to get better and her veins will only get worse unless she resorts to surgery so if it's a problem for you at this early stage then I don't think she is for you as you don't seem the type to be able to get past it. Break up with her kindly and for her sake don't even intimate what the real problem is or it will shatter her self-confidence.

Lolajay

Oh god, I feel so sorry for your girlfriend!!

I have very pale skin- transparent in some places and you can see my veins! I also had breast uplift surgery after I lost weight so I have scars too.....

I went out with a guy who used to tease me for being pasty and when we were in spain on holiday I couldn't find a tan I could wear with suncream (i also burn ) so I was so pasty and we walked past a group of Spanish kids who were laughing and he spoke spanish fluently and convinced me they were laughing hysterically at my pale skin....even though he told me a couple of months later he had made that up - it really affected me. I still wear sunshimmer every single day and we broke up 5 years ago.

I rarely wore fake tan before I met him.

Anyway, the guy I'm with now fancies me without make up, tan and even if he has a magnifying glass up against my scars.....

In the long term, I think your feelings about this girls body will become her insecurities. Don't do it to her....

People are made up of so much more than the skin they live in. It's your loss for not seeing that

Raven_Melody

OP I don't think you're a prick, as insinutated a few times here. I think you're being honest with us and that's grand, but now you have to be honest with yourself.

You're not attracted to her, so it's not going to work. Move on and let her be with someone who does find her attractive.

You're not head over heels - if you were head over heels then stupid things like her skin wouldn't really bother you that much. Not if you really were head over heels.

missyb

Do her a favour and move on, she sounds great in many ways and there is definitely someone else out there who will think she is the bees knees in every way including how she looks. There really isnt any point and she wouldn't want to be with you if she knew you felt like this.

shellyboo

OP, I don't think you're a bad dude -- it's sad that for whatever reason you have a certain idea of what's an attractive female body, but I don't think you can be blamed for that in this society! The important thing here is to let this girl go and let her find a partner who thinks she's sexy from head to toe, because everybody (veiny, scarred, fat, thin, short, spotty, hairy) deserves that.