Can you stop a wedding

LegacyUser

A close relative has met someone online who lives far away in another country.
They've met once before by him travelling all the way over to see her and now he told me he is planning to marry her so she can live in Ireland with him, otherwise she will not be able to get a visa.
This relative is recently divorced and lonely/depressed and thinks that marrying this woman is going to solve all his problems. She also has a young son who I guess she will bring here with her? What kind of woman would just jump and go at such an opportunity?
He won't listen to his close family objecting.
Is it possible to stand in a way of such a wedding somehow?

Beruthiel

SquirrelMail wrote: »

now he told me he is planning to marry her so she can live in Ireland with him, otherwise she will not be able to get a visa.

Is he aware that just because he marries her, she will not automatically gain access to this country. Those days are long gone.
It can sometimes take years and there is a thorough investigation done.
Instead of trying to stop this wedding, you should research what it takes to gain access to this country.
Give him that information, it may open his eyes.

As for what kind of woman would do this, a desperate one.
One who needs to find a better life which is not steeped in poverty.
That kind of desperation is difficult for us to understand and it is very sad to see what it will make a human do when they are in terrible need.

curlzy

OP,

If he's an adult there's not really anything you can do besides talk to him. Nor should you want to. He's an adult and while he may be depressed he's still not yours to control as much as you (or your family) think he's making a mistake. For all you know this person may indeed make him happy, who are you to decide otherwise? Also it's really nasty to want to go behind his back to interfer with his relationship.

Leave him be.

@rti-shm@rti

OP something very similar happened in my family. If you want to discuss PM me.

Beruthiel

@rti-shm@rti wrote: »

OP something very similar happened in my family. If you want to discuss PM me.

Please do not request posters in this forum to PM you.

dory

I would say leave him be. WE all make mistakes in this life, and you're not even 100% sure this is a mistake.

He's a grown man so I would say you should let him be.

aidan24326

Regardless of whether he's making a mistake or not, it isn't your place to 'stop' anything. Let him make his own decisions. As Beruthiel said you should inform him that getting her and her child into Ireland could be tricky enough even if they do get married and that he'd be well advised to look into it in more detail. But if he's intent on going ahead with this then ultimately it's his life and his decision to make. You can advise for sure but going behind his back and trying to interfere would be wrong.

@rti-shm@rti

Beruthiel wrote: »

Please do not request posters in this forum to PM you.

Apologies for that

All I would say is that you can't stop anyone from doing anything really. As someone who is clearly in a vulnerable place I would make sure that you give as much advice as possible, maybe even request that he take a step back for a bit. Anyone who's been recently bereaved should probably give themselves a decent amount of time before making any important decisions. If he still chooses to go ahead then just be there for him if it doesn't work out. People who are lonely can make very irrational decisions.

LegacyUser

Thanks I appreciate the replies. I guess the main problem with the situation is that he's still tied into alot of undivided property with his ex-partner and if he were to marry this new woman (who he's only met once although has an internet relationship with for many months) then would she be entitled to this property?
I definitely have nothing against him having a nice relationship where he feels loved and happy and if this woman does that for him - great. But marrying someone is alot more serious then just dating and would give this person lots of rights to what the family owns and would cause a huge problem with his children/ex partner. To them she is a complete stranger.
So I am asking that in the extreme case that he will not listen to the family pleading with him what can be done - letting him marry is not an option - its not fair on the family to have to share everything they worked long and hard for with the new wife and her kid.

troposphere

It is hard enough to try to get help for an adult with a serious mental issues or drug problem if they don't want it so it is doubtful that you can do anything to stop an adult from marrying whoever they want.

sam34

SquirrelMail wrote: »

So I am asking that in the extreme case that he will not listen to the family pleading with him what can be done - letting him marry is not an option - its not fair on the family to have to share everything they worked long and hard for with the new wife and her kid.

good lord, what an extraordinary statement. the man is entitled to make his own decision about who he marries, irrespective of whether the family think it is unwise or ill-advised. it's simply not up to you to interfere in another independent adults life.

Motley Crue

As a person who has actually worked as an official at Marriage Ceremonies I've had a bit of first hand and legal experience with this. If you believe there are grounds to stop the marriage and you believe a fraud is to be committed, you should write (or make an appointment to see) someone at the Marriage Office. They will consider your evidence and, if they see fit to report it further, may either question the couple or report it to the police.

Alternatively, you should go to the wedding and make an objection at the relevant point in this wedding, but you will be asked to provide legal proof that the marriage should not continue. You also risk allienating yourself from your own family (I've seen this happen FIRST HAND) and it's not very nice for anyone concerned.

However, if you are just basing this on a personal feeling, and there is actually no fraud or crime taking place by allowing this marriage to go ahead, then I would say you can't do anything. You can only object to a marriage, legally, under the conditions that

A. The bride or Groom are under 18 and you object, as their parent or legal guardian, to the marriage or B. You have actual evidence or suspicion to say this marriage will aid, has aided or will aid in the commitance of a crime.

THINK VERY CAREFULLY BEFORE REPORTING A FALSE CRIME, THIS IS ALSO A PUNISHABLE OFFENCE, DO NOT REPORT HIM JUST BECAUSE YOU DISLIKE HIS CHOICE OF WIFE.

LegacyUser

If the only reason he wants to get married is so she can live in this country, there are other options. If they are in a de facto relationship, she may be allowed to live here without them needing to get married: http://www.inis.gov.ie/en/INIS/Pages/WP07000278

He needs to see a solicitor who can give him proper advice on how she can get into the country, what effect marriage would have on his assets, and on his existing family.

But most importantly you need to accept that he may not give a damn about the financial implications, he may simply want this woman to be his wife. And if that's the case,he's a grown adult and there's nothing you can do about it. It's his life.

LegacyUser

Thanks very much for the responses.
Ok I understand now that there is probably nothing we can do to stop the wedding.
I just thought maybe the fact that him and his ex have undivided assets might be an obstacle to the marriage legally.
He did get divorced in another country so I think one hiccup for them would be that divorce cert may not be eligible here - I think he will need to divorce in Ireland as him and his ex are both living in Ireland at time of divorce.
Also the woman would have to come here for the meeting with registrar 3 months prior to wedding date - is that correct or do you not have to come in person?
This should drag it out for long enough for the ex and the children to go to solicitor and ensure that their interests in their assets can be protected.

Its just such a messy situation and there's noone to ask - well other than a solicitor so I think that's the next stop. There's so much more to the story that complicates it further but I think my question has been answered.
There's nothing illegal about them getting married so i wouldnt be jumping up at the ceremony to object.

username123

SquirrelMail wrote: »

So I am asking that in the extreme case that he will not listen to the family pleading with him what can be done - letting him marry is not an option - its not fair on the family to have to share everything they worked long and hard for with the new wife and her kid.

My god, this sounds like something out of The Field.

You have absolutely no right whatsoever to control the behaviour of another person and that goes as far as them marrying someone you are not happy about them marrying.

The arrogance of it!

Letting him marry is not an option

- can you actually hear what you are saying here? Put yourself in his position - how would you like your family deciding who you should and shouldnt marry simply because you do not agree with the nature of how he met this woman or who she is. Absolutely terrible. Leave the poor man to live his life.

Sleepy

Families don't own assets OP. Individuals do.

I would suggest recommending to him that he look at properly sorting his affairs out before embarking on a second marriage if he hasn't even managed to make a clean break from his first one. He either needs to buy his ex out of their undivided assets, she needs to buy him out or they need to split them.

mood

Does his ex know he intends to remarry? Is there a reason why they didn't divorce in Ireland or divide assets? This man needs legal advise. He should be concerned about the financial implications for his children and/or if there are any. He should be tying up all looses ends of his previous marriage before embarking on another one. Other than that his choice of partner is his business.

rainbowtrout

SquirrelMail wrote: »

Thanks very much for the responses.
Ok I understand now that there is probably nothing we can do to stop the wedding.
I just thought maybe the fact that him and his ex have undivided assets might be an obstacle to the marriage legally.
He did get divorced in another country so I think one hiccup for them would be that divorce cert may not be eligible here - I think he will need to divorce in Ireland as him and his ex are both living in Ireland at time of divorce.
Also the woman would have to come here for the meeting with registrar 3 months prior to wedding date - is that correct or do you not have to come in person?
This should drag it out for long enough for the ex and the children to go to solicitor and ensure that their interests in their assets can be protected.

Its just such a messy situation and there's noone to ask - well other than a solicitor so I think that's the next stop. There's so much more to the story that complicates it further but I think my question has been answered.
There's nothing illegal about them getting married so i wouldnt be jumping up at the ceremony to object.

Unless you are the ex and by the sounds of it you're not, it has nothing to do with you. Leave this poor man to sort out his affairs himself. If his ex wants advice on dividing up assets let her to to her solicitor.