What do I do?

LegacyUser

So, a while ago I met a wonderful girl in college. We started going out, and both of us were delighted. However, we both knew she'd be working abroad for the summer. Now today, she's after springing it on me out of the blue that she wants to take a break until September (when college is back). I know her free hours are really limited, and she doesn't have time for both having a social life over there, as well as keeping in touch with me. She also said it's to do with me having repeat exams, and she wants it cleared up before then. Thing is, I'm sure I can get through the exams (it's only 2), but I feel weird about just breaking up until September, and then carrying on as normal. So what should I do? Finish now until September? Finish it completely? Try and convince her to stay together? I also said a fairly rash thing during the call, and I feel incredibly moronic for saying it (No, it wasn't the L word).

Ellsbells

You can't hold onto someone who doesn't want to be held. Likewise, you cant let her pick you up and drop you when it suits. The girls heart isn't in it so break up for good and enjoy your summer. Her suggestion sounds like rubbish to me and simply a reason to do what she wants all summer guilt free. You can do better

Piliger

Hey OP. It seems clear that she is just not that in to you. It's that simple.

Now what you do depends on what you want for you. if you want to continue with her in Sept, then fine. Have fun during the summer, you might even meet someone else and move on from her. Or you might find the whole thing not what you want out of life.

What matters is what it is you want. Not what she wants. Don;t be worried you won't find anyone else ..... it's hard parting but there will be someone else if you do.

Herrick

If I were you I'd send her packing. She obviously isn't too bothered. If she was really into you she wouldn't ask for a break. It is possible to go abroad for a summer and still keep in contact without affecting her time over there for Gods sake. Then issues over the exams just seems like another good excuse on her part.

But the worst part is this "break" is only so she can go and get with other fellas during the summer without feeling guilty, then come back to you. If it suits her come September of course.

Think of it this way. If you were going abroad for the summer and she was staying at home. Would you be asking her for a break because it would be too hard to keep in contact? Or even more laughably, a break because she has some repeat exams?

OP you sound like a good fella, but this girl isn't the wonderful girl you make her out to be. If I was really into a girl, my stomach would turn at the thought of taking a break just so I could off shagging abroad for a summer.

To hell with that, don't be her doormat.

Lorna123

UnregedGuy22 wrote: »

So, a while ago I met a wonderful girl in college. We started going out, and both of us were delighted. However, we both knew she'd be working abroad for the summer. Now today, she's after springing it on me out of the blue that she wants to take a break until September (when college is back). I know her free hours are really limited, and she doesn't have time for both having a social life over there, as well as keeping in touch with me. She also said it's to do with me having repeat exams, and she wants it cleared up before then. Thing is, I'm sure I can get through the exams (it's only 2), but I feel weird about just breaking up until September, and then carrying on as normal. So what should I do? Finish now until September? Finish it completely? Try and convince her to stay together? I also said a fairly rash thing during the call, and I feel incredibly moronic for saying it (No, it wasn't the L word).

I see nothing wrong with her going away until September. It will be a break no matter what it is called. I don't think it is because she doesn't care about you either. I think she is being very sensible. She wants you to get your exams so that you will still be at the same level next year. I think this is a good idea. Of course your exams are not the reason she is going to be away. You don't have to stick around waiting for her, but if she comes back and you both get back together again then it will be great. No need to pine at all and it will give you both something to look forward to. I would wish her the best if I were you and just play it by ear.

CommanderC

She's bull****ting you.

She wants to be free and single for the summer. But she is trying to leave the door open so, if she hasn't found anyone else, she can have you waiting for her on return.

At least this has come up, so you can start enjoying your summer, instead of waiting for her.

So get out there and start enjoying it !!!

johnr1

Hi Op,
I think your relationship is pretty f*uked now anyway.
Unfortunately once the genie is out of the bottle you can't put it back.

You appear to have four options here:

1 Avoid all the heartbreak, break it off now and enjoy your summer.

2 Spend the summer imagining her getting boned by other guys, and then tear yourself apart when you try to make a go of it after she gets back.

3 Convince her not to take this break and spend the summer hoping she doesn't cheat anyway, -> tear yourself apart after etc.

4 Actually, forget that one, because you care more than she does...

Take your pick, I know which one I'd choose.

Good luck. They're like buses, - there's always another one coming.

Sappa

In all honesty,she is working abroad with a group of Irish no doubt.
They are out every night on the booze most likely she has met a fella in her small group and doesn't want to be seen to cheat on you from her peers or she has met a local lad.
She wants to have fun but also doesn't want to look like a hussy to the rest if the bunch hence she wants this freedom for herself and is not thinking of your repeat exams but this is for her.
My advice ditch her now and don't bother getting back with her in Sept as it's purely convenience for her and no consideration for you op.

snafuk35

UnregedGuy22 wrote: »

So, a while ago I met a wonderful girl in college. We started going out, and both of us were delighted. However, we both knew she'd be working abroad for the summer. Now today, she's after springing it on me out of the blue that she wants to take a break until September (when college is back). I know her free hours are really limited, and she doesn't have time for both having a social life over there, as well as keeping in touch with me. She also said it's to do with me having repeat exams, and she wants it cleared up before then. Thing is, I'm sure I can get through the exams (it's only 2), but I feel weird about just breaking up until September, and then carrying on as normal. So what should I do? Finish now until September? Finish it completely? Try and convince her to stay together? I also said a fairly rash thing during the call, and I feel incredibly moronic for saying it (No, it wasn't the L word).

Forget about her this summer and don't be waiting on tenderhooks for her to want to get together in September. Have your own fun this summer and if she wants to get back with you when you both return to college that's fine. If not why should you care? Don't be led around by the nose and be your own man rather than a convenience for someone else. A relationship is about mutual respect and before that you need to have some backbone and self-respect. Stand up for yourself and realize that when things are too good to be true, they probably are. Best of luck.

P. Breathnach

Some of us here (and I am one) think that a "break" of this sort is in effect licensed cheating. Some of us here (and I am not one) think that is okay.

Your call, OP.

jimmycrackcorm

Break up. Go out and have some fun and decide on September whether you want to get back or have moved on with someone else.

a fat guy

I pretty much agree agree with everyone else here, she's chancing her arm completely.

I had a friend who's girlfriend was in the middle of leaving him for another guy and she had the gall to ask him to stick around in case her "rescuer" turned her down. She was a nasty piece of work and I'm glad that my friend flat out said no!

Don't be a door mat and leave her right now!

LegacyUser

It's done, for better or worse. I don't know if she has someone else over there, and I don't really give a sh*t if she does. I just have to move on, and decide if I can ever give her another chance when that time comes to pass. I'm really bummed about this, which will probably get worse in the next few days due to me being susceptible to depression. But I'm just going to have to get up, dust myself off, and keep going. Thanks for he advice in the thread. I would request it's kept open though in case I need advice on the same thing again.

Herrick

a fat guy wrote: »

I had a friend who's girlfriend was in the middle of leaving him for another guy and she had the gall to ask him to stick around in case her "rescuer" turned her down.

Jesus Christ :eek:

People like that should be shot :mad::mad::mad:

Piliger

UnregedGuy22 wrote: »

It's done, for better or worse. I don't know if she has someone else over there, and I don't really give a sh*t if she does. I just have to move on, and decide if I can ever give her another chance when that time comes to pass. I'm really bummed about this, which will probably get worse in the next few days due to me being susceptible to depression. But I'm just going to have to get up, dust myself off, and keep going. Thanks for he advice in the thread. I would request it's kept open though in case I need advice on the same thing again.

Hi OP. I think you are doing the right thing. I know it is painful. Jeeez all of this dating game and falling for people ... it brings so much pain when it doesn't work. But when it works it is so so fantastic. REMEMBER that. Remember why we go through all of this. It doesn't seem like it now but it will get a lot better very soon and then it'll be sunny days again .... it will.

DPlease don't compensate for the pain by vilifying this girl. Yes it makes the pain a little less, temporarily. But she is like all of us, you and me too, she is entitled to live her life how she feels best.
She was open and honest with you. She told the truth about what she wants. We can ask no more than that ! and if you read a lot of threads hereabouts you will see that way way too many people don't come clean when they want a change or an end to a relationship.

We are all entitled to seek and ask for the relationship we want in our lives. We only have one of them. As long as we tell the other person what we want, then they get to chose if it's for them.

I think this tendency to vilify and demonise people because they don't want what we want, is juvenile and hypocritical and really achieves nothing.

I wish you a great summer. enjoy it and move on.

P. Breathnach

UnregedGuy22 wrote: »

It's done, for better or worse.

I imagine that when you called time on the relationship she accepted it rather than back-pedal on her suggestion of a break. That tells you that you made the right call.

I don't know if she has someone else over there, and I don't really give a sh*t if she does. I just have to move on, and decide if I can ever give her another chance when that time comes to pass. I'm really bummed about this, which will probably get worse in the next few days due to me being susceptible to depression. But I'm just going to have to get up, dust myself off, and keep going. Thanks for he advice in the thread. I would request it's kept open though in case I need advice on the same thing again.

I'm sorry that it will be a rough time for you, but I suspect the alternative might have been even harder to take. I got the impression from your first post that loyalty matters to you (otherwise, why would you have come here at all?) and her seeking a break was her way of declaring that she would not commit to being loyal to you. Who needs that sort of worry?

Yes, you're right: get up, dust yourself off, and keep going. Have a good summer, and don't forget to look after the exams.

Dellnum

I would not be making a big issue out of this OP. It was always on the cards that your g/f was going away in the Summer. So now she will be away for 2 months. That is not forever. It will be September before you know it and my guess is that you will be back with her by then. Stop worrying and start living.