I don't think I like my friends.

LegacyUser

This may sound like a strange problem, but I feel that I really don't like my friends. I'm only young, and I'm not going to lie, I have a large circle of friends, and a few different "cliques" as such, and I love my close friends dearly, but I don't think I like them as such? Some of us have been friends since primary school and through various secondary schools etc. It's quite hard to explain, but basically I think they're not what I want them to be. We're very different with our tastes (and that's all of us) and it seems that I can't really rely on them. I try my hardest to do stuff for my friends, and go out with them to clubs/concerts or other nights out that just don't interest me because they're my friends and in my opinion that's what friends do. However, when I want to do something, ie. go to a gig of my choice or a different club, it never happens. I've missed out on so many opportunities because people always seem to bail on me when it's something I really want to do, and now with gigs, I've just gotten to the stage where I go alone - I wish I could try and make new friends at these things, as we clearly have a common interest but I feel like everyone else has their friends, and I'll basically just become a major lurker. It's gotten to the stage where every time I'm trying to plan a night out, my mum says to me "Don't get your hopes up, you know what [so and so] did last time at the last minute," and each and every time she's right, I'm let down again because "I'm sick," "I don't have the money," "Parents won't let me out," "Forgot I had other plans," you know, the typical excuses.

To be honest, I don't really know how to pinpoint what my actual problem is, but it's been bugging me for a good year or two now, and I don't know what to do about it. There's more reasons than outlined above but I just can't quite explain it right... Cheers for listening, or, reading, rather.

-I also realise that this is a major first world problem and I need a smack in the face, but it's just bearing down on my mind.

Colonel Panic

No need to qualify your post with this awful "first world problems" thing. Just because other people are worse off doesn't make how you're feeling invalid!

For what it's worth, these things do happen, your friends aren't there for you and it's time to stop relying on them.

Good on ya for going to gigs by yourself! This is something I do quite often and while I'll always try to chat with someone, I've never made a friend out of it. I guess that comes with a little effort via the likes of meetup.com or maybe even boards?

I'm not saying it's easy, but unless you put yourself out there, you'll never meet anyone. For what it's worth, I get the impression you're a decent, level headed person who's comfortable enough with your own interests. This is a good thing.

EGAR

They are doing it because you let them. I know it sounds harsh but you write you try your hardest etc and they always let you down.

Time to stop trying so hard with then and be your own man/woman and to please yourself.

I don't know how old you are but I *shed* a good few friends inbetween leaving school, going to uni, starting to work. The handful that survived all this are still my friends and I am in my mid-40's no

LegacyUser

Thank you both for your reply. I did try Meetup a while back, and went to a gig and met some really lovely people, however they are basically twice my age (seeing a trend that I get along far better with those older than me, haha) and whilst I'm totally okay with it, I worry that sometimes others might be put off; though saying that, some of us have agreed to go to another gig together, so there's a step forward in that regard!

And Egar, yes, you're right too, but I'm one of those people who hates confrontation, and I guess sometimes I worry that it'll be such a shock to people that I don't totally pander to them that it would end up turning into a huge deal, and I don't want to lose the friends I've got, because despite their, unreliability we'll call it, I do love them dearly...

LegacyUser

I went through years of this when I was in my 20s and early 30s.

my friends never wanted to do anything or organise anything. I'd be waiting for a Saturday night text and it would come at 9.30 pm asking if I was on for a pint.

Then as they got girlfriends, they stopped texting. I made an effort to organise weekends away only to be let down at the last minute which is very annoying and frustrating when you're relying on others for socialising.

I then decided to join a club of a sport I love. It was a total breath of fresh air meeting people who were not only into that sport, but into doing stuff - theatre, cinema, walks, gigs etc... and they were mostly nice people who were chatty and funny and seemed to be into living life a bit more like me.

I still have some old very good friends who I see often.

Then I have others who have fallen by the wayside. That's life.

Don't tell your mother though - I never would. She'll remember and bring it up every time you mention a name of a friend - saw it happen with my brother.

You'll find that people suit themselves a lot at times... so they won't make an effort to do something that you might want to do but that they don't.... find more adventurous people to befriend.

Colonel Panic

Friendless? wrote: »

I've got, because despite their, unreliability we'll call it, I do love them dearly...

Why do you love them dearly? They're never there for you. Are you sure you don't just think that because you like being around people and have known them for ages?

Saying you love them is at odds with how you described your friendship with them.

a fat guy

You've simply grown apart and they don't seem to care anymore.

Moving on is all you can do at this stage I'm afraid, they made the choice to not hang out anymore so you can't change anything about it!