Advice please...

Starr27

Dont want to hijack someones else's thread but it seems like your all quite honest in your responses....i am having similar relationship issues - can anyone give me there advice - here's the jist of it.....

4 years ago I met and started a long distance relationship with the person I would describe as the love of my life. I'm not a sickly sweet romantic person but I can describe him as this because that is still how i feel even after all of the problems we have had.

We have come to the point where in order to make a go of things properly we have to make changes. The problem (one of them anyways) is that he is a religious person and does not believe in living together before marriage. He had always said marriage and kids where on the cards - the man told me he loved me on our first date (i laughed, steady on etc). I have made huge sacrifices for him over the years - not living together, not seeing much of each other (he has 2 jobs and is a bit of a workaholic).

Having said all of this he really is a unique and quirky person and that is really waht i love about him. I am still very much attracted to him and I love him. I asked him did he feel the same he says yes but that he is not sure if we are for each other. He says he finds it difficult for us to have anything to talk about; that we struggle to have much to chat about. i know this myself but I put it down to the fact that we are not really involved in each others lives on a daily basis, don't live together, or have kids etc so the normal aspects of a relationship are not there to help us maintain a proper relationship. And I will admit that I can sometimes be quite shy so this doesnt help - sometimes i just dont have anything to say.


Last weekend we went out and i thought we had a good time, but he was edgy and he now says that he seems to be in a bad humour constantly (am I the cause). I have to point out that when i am out with friends they all comment on the fact that i am full of life, and not one of them would have stayed with my bf if they were me. they say they find his notions very very old fashioned and selfish etc.


I have told him that we should just break up because I just cant cope with this constant wondering and all of this crying and the heartbreak really. Never knew what people meant about being heartbroken until now. he says that i am the one that is insisting on breaking up, but really i am trying to stop myself from being tortured - in our last conversation he said that he is worried that he will just be a bad tempered person if we marry, and is wondering is he able to have a real relationship! Again I repeated that that was it we were finished but he keeps saying maybe a break is what we need. But i think you know what if, after 4 yrs of this your having doubts and arent willing to give our relationship a proper go by moving in together at least (he cant do this on religious grounds etc etc), then get out of my life.

Another thing, its funny but i am only just realising that while on the outside he really is a charming, fun charismatic person, in relationships he is cold, distant, doesn't like public displays of affection and is very selfish.

i sound like a complete mug in this post, and in some ways i have been, but i genuinely love this person and the thoughts of a life without him in it is very heartbreaking.

Advice anyone - should i get rid of him or wait til he 'figures this out'

Mr Bump

I am just going to be straight, no big talk and bullls**t, if you love yourself and want to enjoy life , move on and dump him, you are living in a world somewhere else, I know people have long distance relationships but this guy is telling you he will be bad for you, dont put yourself throguh it any longer young lady, get out

Starr27 wrote: »

Dont want to hijack someones else's thread but it seems like your all quite honest in your responses....i am having similar relationship issues - can anyone give me there advice - here's the jist of it.....

4 years ago I met and started a long distance relationship with the person I would describe as the love of my life. I'm not a sickly sweet romantic person but I can describe him as this because that is still how i feel even after all of the problems we have had.

We have come to the point where in order to make a go of things properly we have to make changes. The problem (one of them anyways) is that he is a religious person and does not believe in living together before marriage. He had always said marriage and kids where on the cards - the man told me he loved me on our first date (i laughed, steady on etc). I have made huge sacrifices for him over the years - not living together, not seeing much of each other (he has 2 jobs and is a bit of a workaholic).

Having said all of this he really is a unique and quirky person and that is really waht i love about him. I am still very much attracted to him and I love him. I asked him did he feel the same he says yes but that he is not sure if we are for each other. He says he finds it difficult for us to have anything to talk about; that we struggle to have much to chat about. i know this myself but I put it down to the fact that we are not really involved in each others lives on a daily basis, don't live together, or have kids etc so the normal aspects of a relationship are not there to help us maintain a proper relationship. And I will admit that I can sometimes be quite shy so this doesnt help - sometimes i just dont have anything to say.


Last weekend we went out and i thought we had a good time, but he was edgy and he now says that he seems to be in a bad humour constantly (am I the cause). I have to point out that when i am out with friends they all comment on the fact that i am full of life, and not one of them would have stayed with my bf if they were me. they say they find his notions very very old fashioned and selfish etc.


I have told him that we should just break up because I just cant cope with this constant wondering and all of this crying and the heartbreak really. Never knew what people meant about being heartbroken until now. he says that i am the one that is insisting on breaking up, but really i am trying to stop myself from being tortured - in our last conversation he said that he is worried that he will just be a bad tempered person if we marry, and is wondering is he able to have a real relationship! Again I repeated that that was it we were finished but he keeps saying maybe a break is what we need. But i think you know what if, after 4 yrs of this your having doubts and arent willing to give our relationship a proper go by moving in together at least (he cant do this on religious grounds etc etc), then get out of my life.

Another thing, its funny but i am only just realising that while on the outside he really is a charming, fun charismatic person, in relationships he is cold, distant, doesn't like public displays of affection and is very selfish.

i sound like a complete mug in this post, and in some ways i have been, but i genuinely love this person and the thoughts of a life without him in it is very heartbreaking.

Advice anyone - should i get rid of him or wait til he 'figures this out'

ibarelycare

Starr27 wrote: »

Dont want to hijack someones else's thread but it seems like your all quite honest in your responses....i am having similar relationship issues - can anyone give me there advice - here's the jist of it.....

4 years ago I met and started a long distance relationship with the person I would describe as the love of my life. I'm not a sickly sweet romantic person but I can describe him as this because that is still how i feel even after all of the problems we have had.

We have come to the point where in order to make a go of things properly we have to make changes. The problem (one of them anyways) is that he is a religious person and does not believe in living together before marriage. He had always said marriage and kids where on the cards - the man told me he loved me on our first date (i laughed, steady on etc). I have made huge sacrifices for him over the years - not living together, not seeing much of each other (he has 2 jobs and is a bit of a workaholic).

Having said all of this he really is a unique and quirky person and that is really waht i love about him. I am still very much attracted to him and I love him. I asked him did he feel the same he says yes but that he is not sure if we are for each other. He says he finds it difficult for us to have anything to talk about; that we struggle to have much to chat about. i know this myself but I put it down to the fact that we are not really involved in each others lives on a daily basis, don't live together, or have kids etc so the normal aspects of a relationship are not there to help us maintain a proper relationship. And I will admit that I can sometimes be quite shy so this doesnt help - sometimes i just dont have anything to say.


Last weekend we went out and i thought we had a good time, but he was edgy and he now says that he seems to be in a bad humour constantly (am I the cause). I have to point out that when i am out with friends they all comment on the fact that i am full of life, and not one of them would have stayed with my bf if they were me. they say they find his notions very very old fashioned and selfish etc.


I have told him that we should just break up because I just cant cope with this constant wondering and all of this crying and the heartbreak really. Never knew what people meant about being heartbroken until now. he says that i am the one that is insisting on breaking up, but really i am trying to stop myself from being tortured - in our last conversation he said that he is worried that he will just be a bad tempered person if we marry, and is wondering is he able to have a real relationship! Again I repeated that that was it we were finished but he keeps saying maybe a break is what we need. But i think you know what if, after 4 yrs of this your having doubts and arent willing to give our relationship a proper go by moving in together at least (he cant do this on religious grounds etc etc), then get out of my life.

Another thing, its funny but i am only just realising that while on the outside he really is a charming, fun charismatic person, in relationships he is cold, distant, doesn't like public displays of affection and is very selfish.

i sound like a complete mug in this post, and in some ways i have been, but i genuinely love this person and the thoughts of a life without him in it is very heartbreaking.

Advice anyone - should i get rid of him or wait til he 'figures this out'

The bit in bold is what stood out to me.

If you don't have much to talk about at this stage, how do you think marriage, kids, living together, is going to improve that? It sounds like you think those things are going to remedy the relationship. Are you a bit desperate to get married and have kids? Do you think you're settling for this guy? Because it doesn't seem like you're in a very happy relationship.

Ickle Magoo

Starr27 wrote: »

Dont want to hijack someones else's thread but...

So posters don't hijack threads - we'd ask that anyone requiring advice start their own thread.

Given you your own here. :cool:

stargazer 68

ibarelycare wrote: »

The bit in bold is what stood out to me.

If you don't have much to talk about at this stage, how do you think marriage, kids, living together, is going to improve that? .

Exactly. Long distance relationship - you should have lots to talk about when you do meet.

You dont live together (for his religious reasons) but do you sleep with him? Personal question I know but I have seen this situation on several threads here before.

Sorry Op but I would cut my losses.