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How do I move on?

  • 04-07-2012 9:12am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Looking for some advice.
    I found out my wife of 20 yrs plus had an affair 9 yrs ago and still kept up contact with him up until recently through FB, texts and calls. She told our kids (23 and 18) lies all the way through things to save her own skin, but the truth came out in the end and she has lost the confidence of our kids.
    She refuses to move out and I cant as this has effected our kids very badly and I feel they need a stable parent there.
    How does someone move on from this?


Comments

  • #2
    Mr Bump
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 108 ✭✭Mr Bump


    Well, you cant move on, it needs to be sorted, starting with you and her, then the kids, living altogether with this problem have to be more damaging then splitting up, thats where i would start, get answers, then see how you feel, and take it from there, this will open up the road that you all will have to travel,
    Silvertape wrote: »
    Looking for some advice.
    I found out my wife of 20 yrs plus had an affair 9 yrs ago and still kept up contact with him up until recently through FB, texts and calls. She told our kids (23 and 18) lies all the way through things to save her own skin, but the truth came out in the end and she has lost the confidence of our kids.
    She refuses to move out and I cant as this has effected our kids very badly and I feel they need a stable parent there.
    How does someone move on from this?


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    They're not actually kids, though. They're adults now so I don't get the issue of staying to provide them with a stable home. You need to do what's right for you. If finances is the issue then that's a different matter and you need to come to some arrangement with your wife if it's difficult for you to continue to live with her. A lot of people wouldn't be able to live in that type of situation.


  • #4
    Piliger
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,741 ✭✭✭Piliger


    Hi OP, I am really sorry this has happened.

    You need to start communicating. You need to start communicating because you have no choice, for the sake of the kids.
    I know it's painful .. I've been there. The only way to pull yourself through is keeping your kids at the front of your mind the whole time. Sit down and come to some arrangement with your wife over what is going to happen. Can it be saved ? Can something be done to save it ? if not then plans need to be made.

    I am not giving you legal advice, but from my own experience the one who moves out put's themselves in a major major disadvantage when it comes to the eventual financial split, even if the moving out is agreed. This is most likely her reason, plus she probably feels she is the woman and that women have the right to stay.

    Moving on is a bigger question OP. It took me quite a while. Please keep in mind that life will go on. You will feel less pain soon. Take each day as it comes.

    Best wishes.


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