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Don't know...(relationship problem)

  • 01-07-2012 8:55pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2


    Hey guys,

    yeah I need some advice/points of view.

    I'm a young guy..who's been in a relationship for quite a while!, well I'm talking two years now..not 10. But anyway a lot has changed in the last couple of months.

    I've been living with my partner of 3 years for over a year now..His 5 years older than me and has been living away from home for quite a few years. The home situation is me, him and our housemate female (straight)(also very good friend)

    But as I said earlier things have changed up to at new years we'd NEVER had a argument before this, I'm a mellow individual and really don't mind anything.. and always like being responsible etc.. and I even get on with his parents. But that night we fought.. he accused me of cheating on him with a fella...a mate of mine from the states...(first problem/he knew where he was located) also I may add i'm not big at the sex thing...so I wouldn't waste the time looking for sex.. Not that I don't enjoy it..other stuff.

    So that was somewhat resolved, things began to become bitter then..I was pissed at him slightly but shrugged it off. From that day his accused me of sleeping with every guy friend i have, Not explicitly mind just saying oh..who's he? and how'd you know him...and if i'm messing around with a guy (not sexually just hugging etc) he'll question it..saying you look like your having fun..etc. It gets frustrated..I ignore it and reinforce that nothing is going on. Had my 5th sit down with him recently about it..just trying to say that i'm not doing anything... but it seems its going over his head!

    I know that he checks my laptop when i'm not in the house, also my phone.. Facebook messages etc so I have no privacy..Its why i'm keeping it somewhat vague..

    Sorry for the intro but the problem basically is...that over the last couple of weeks. The relationship has become stale...or has it? this being my first long term relationship I don't know, also we've began to argue a lot and his always sooo angry (not physically abusive) ..I simply don't know if I can take it anymore...and its getting me down..I've family stuff going on like Very critical stuff and I'm always over the place..

    And If it is that the relationship goes...I don't know what to do..I've so much invested in stuff/ not dividable Both financially and emotionally and because I've no money coming in I'd have nothing to fall back on to help if i need it.. (family are in a bad enough situation so couldn't ask)

    No we haven't spoken about how I feel together..because I don't get a say it somehow always gets turned back on How i'm making him feel...

    Oh there is soo much more just can't tell anyone...case i sound like a prick..and friends aren't much good at the relationship stuff..of a gay man.

    I just don't know...Thanks for reading the rant... =]


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 894 ✭✭✭filmbuffboy


    Sorry to hear youre having a bad time. The first thing to remember is that problems dont last forever, so chin up! things will eventually get better :D

    I guess the main question is, do you love him enough to weather this storm? try reiterating yet again, that you are not messing around with anyone. Express to him how much you value him, and that nothing is going on.

    YOu need to also be very clear with him about boundaries. that its not okay for him to be accessing your phone, email etc.

    Trust is a fundamental component of a relationship, and if its not there then trouble lies ahead!

    please dont misunderstand me when im asking you do you love him enough to weather this storm out.... im not trying to insinuate you become a human doormat either.

    at the end of the day you need to do whats best for you. dont put up with him invading your privacy!

    at the end of the day, you shouldnt let money worries get in the way of leaving him if you dont feel right about staying any further.

    whatever you decide i wish you luck, and remember these problems wont last forever!! :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 522 ✭✭✭Conor30


    Relationships are supposed to be fun. All relationships will have their ups and downs, of course. But even at their lowest point, if the two people involved can't have a heart-to-heart and discuss what the issues are, as adults, then the relationship is doomed. If a relationship is no longer fun and the problems can't even be discussed, then, what's the point?

    Sorry to say but your boyfriend sounds really controlling. I personally wouldn't stand for that. Maybe that's why I'm single.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 831 ✭✭✭DubArk


    From reading your post…. You don’t sound like you want to be in this relationship any more! I’m not sure what advice you’re looking for, is it reassurance that it’s ok to end the relationship?

    The only way you guys will ever move forward is to discuss the issue and meet each other half way!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 510 ✭✭✭CdeC


    Hi OP,
    RElationships do run their course and also yes familiarity can make a relationship stale and most people will say that they had to work hard at a few occasions along the way to make it through.
    you can work through this time and the relationship can be better than before but it takes effort and both parties must be willing.

    My advice is to take the first step. Tell your partner that you are not happy and you want to talk. This will open up the communication. Stick to your guns and make sure he listens to all you have to say. He is your boyfriend and 3 years is a very significant amount of time. Let him know that you want to work on it but if it continues on like this you see no future in it. You both need to focus on why you got together. Get back to the good points in the relationship.
    By the sounds of things you are not happy and this is the most important thuing. Remember relationships are hard but rewarding when they are working.
    Best of luck OP.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,397 ✭✭✭✭azezil


    Couple of questions:
    Why's he so paranoid, do you think he might have cheated?
    Why are you being deliberately vague are you trying to irriate him further or have you actually cheated?


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2 Liamdown


    azezil wrote: »
    Couple of questions:
    Why's he so paranoid, do you think he might have cheated?
    Why are you being deliberately vague are you trying to irriate him further or have you actually cheated?
    being vague because he also uses boards.ie don't want the beginning.of communication to be " so you went public first". And no I as I said not a sex person would never cheat, I dont actually know any other gay/bi guys. And reason his paranoid is because his last bf cheated on him..


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