Marraige *dun dun dun*

squishykins

I'm not looking for advice on my own relationship, just people's experiences

So me and the OH have been together 4 1/2 years, it's great and all that blah blah blah. We've talked about the future a few times, and it seems he wants all the same things I do out of life, but to him it's still very far away.

Obviously we're both still very young (he's 21, I'm nearly 20), so I'm definitely, definitely not thinking of anything in the near future either, but maybe in like, 4 years time? I've seen people getting engaged at my age and it going down the shi**er, and I don't have any desire to do that yet anyway!

He hasn't said it in as many words, but he seems to think all this would be happening in the next 10 years or so...I have no intention of waiting around until I'm 30! :P

What age would you guys consider taking it further, or even better, what age did you? Like I said, not looking for advice, we'll talk about it more at some point

Polloloca

Personally I wouldn't be worrying myself with numbers, when it feels right go for it. Never understood setting life goals, ie, be married by 27. Child #1 by 30. You're setting yourself up to be let down as life never goes according to plan.

squishykins

Polloloca wrote: »

Personally I wouldn't be worrying myself with numbers, when it feels right go for it. Never understood setting life goals, ie, be married by 27. Child #1 by 30. You're setting yourself up to be let down as life never goes according to plan.

Ah I know that, I mean it a bit more generally, I'm just curious to see when other people got around to it :P When I said 4 years, I basically mean when I'm finished college, don't wanna do it before that :P But if I do stay with this one, then I would like to think it'd be a bit before I turn 30! :P If we do fall apart then obviously plans will change.

But once again I don't want it to be about me, I was just giving my own story as background for starting the thread, I wanna hear about what others have done! :P

sillymoo

Polloloca wrote: »

Personally I wouldn't be worrying myself with numbers, when it feels right go for it. Never understood setting life goals, ie, be married by 27. Child #1 by 30. You're setting yourself up to be let down as life never goes according to plan.

I agree. I think it all depends at what stage you at at in your lives. For example by the time I'm 30 I will only be a few years out of college and starting to carve out a career. I would not have gotten married during college so waiting until I'm 30 would be realistic for me. But who knows - life throws curve balls. When things are right you for both it will happen.

squishykins

sillymoo wrote: »

I agree. I think it all depends at what stage you at at in your lives. For example by the time I'm 30 I will only be a few years out of college and starting to carve out a career. I would not have gotten married during college so waiting until I'm 30 would be realistic for me. But who knows - life throws curve balls. When things are right you for both it will happen.

I know it'll happen when it happens...But it's not what I'm asking!!!!!!!

Acoshla

I met my boyfriend at 23, got engaged last year at 26, getting married next year when I'll be 28 and he'll be 33. One of my best friends has been with her boyfriend 9 years and they got engaged a few months ago both aged 26, another friend also got engaged a few months ago after 4.5 years together, he's 34 she's 28.

One of them is just finished another college course now so is only getting started on her career, another is in the process of starting a business with her fiancé, so pretty much none of us have our careers sorted but aren't letting that stop us It's funny how it's happened that we're all at different life stages, all going out with our boyfriends for different lengths of time, but all getting married now in the next year.

celtic-chick

I was 31 when I got married.I have seen alot of friends get married too young & not stand the test of time.

Enjoy life & have fun.When you get married & have kids you won't have to much time to yourself,while the kids are young

Acoshla

celtic-chick wrote: »

Enjoy life & have fun.When you get married & have kids you won't have to much time to yourself,while the kids are young

Yeah OP also avoid the world of assumptions being made about you for as long as possible, as soon as you get engaged the world and it's mother will be telling/asking you about babies and all that lark, because as far as most people seem to be concerned the only reason anyone wants to get married is to procreate immediately, they seem to forget about the love bit, in mine and other's experience anyway. If you do want kids that's great but if you don't you need a witty answer to shut them up :rolleyes:

Princess Peach

So different for everyone in my experience!

My brother proposed to his girlfriend after about 3 years when they were both 26, planning on getting married maybe late this year, early next year. My other brother has been with his girlfriend about 13 years, they are both 30 and I see no signs of marriage ever happening!

I'm 24 and I'm not really sure. Love my boyfriend to bits and we have talked about it generally, but I think I have a little bit of travel to get out of my system first. It's kinda funny, its probably ok for me to leave my boyfriend for a few months to travel, but you couldn't really leave your husband!

I wouldn't put an age on this at all, its much more about the relationship.

sillymoo

squishykins wrote: »

sillymoo wrote: »

I agree. I think it all depends at what stage you at at in your lives. For example by the time I'm 30 I will only be a few years out of college and starting to carve out a career. I would not have gotten married during college so waiting until I'm 30 would be realistic for me. But who knows - life throws curve balls. When things are right you for both it will happen.

I know it'll happen when it happens...But it's not what I'm asking!!!!!!!

You asked for an age and I said 30 was realistic for me. But very one is different. If you would like me to clarify my answer better please give me some direction

Scarinae

I'm 25 and have been with my boyfriend for five years but have no intention of getting married anytime soon. Apart from anything else, we live in different countries. I think I still don't consider myself to be a grown up, so the idea of us getting married seems weird - it is a vague, future thing for me

Posy

I don't want to get married. I would happily live with someone, have children etc.. but I (personally) don't feel I need to validate the relationship with a piece of paper. I completely respect those that want to get wed, but it's just not for me.
So for me, the answer is never!!

Acoshla

Posy wrote: »

I don't want to get married. I would happily live with someone, have children etc.. but I (personally) don't feel I need to validate the relationship with a piece of paper. I completely respect those that want to get wed, but it's just not for me.
So for me, the answer is never!!

I think a lot of people get married - often after having kids - to ensure the whole next of kin, taxes, wills, etc, you'll often get couples who have been together 15-30 years unmarried doing it then for practical reasons.

gara

Acoshla wrote: »

Yeah OP also avoid the world of assumptions being made about you for as long as possible, as soon as you get engaged the world and it's mother will be telling/asking you about babies and all that lark, because as far as most people seem to be concerned the only reason anyone wants to get married is to procreate immediately, they seem to forget about the love bit. If you do want kids that's great but if you don't you need a witty answer to shut them up :rolleyes:

I think you're seriously overthinking this -other people don't care about the 'love bit' in other people 's relationships and I don't think they're actively out to offend you when asking about babies either, it's just an inane talking point because people probably feel more comfortable making a little joke than gushing about how in love you must be.

I don't think it's especially presumptuous to think people will have children when they get married either, it's what most people do or try to do when they're happy and in love

SusieBlue

I'm the same as you, we're the same age and I've also been with my boyfriend over 4 years.

We weren't the most serious of couples till last year. I suffered a late miscarriage and that really put things into perspective. I realised I did want to be with him forever, and we moved in together shortly after.

We do plan on getting married, but we're not getting engaged till around 2014. I know loads of people our age that are engaged and everyone basically laughs at them, saying they're just "playing house" and it'll never last.

I wear a "promise ring" on my engagement finger, which for our age is enough, I think.

Marriage isn't necessary for me for another couple of years but I do really, really want a baby. We're obviously not going to try for one while we're still in education but we've agreed that as soon as we're finished college the first thing on our agenda is to start saving for a baby so we can start trying asap.

I know most young people my age don't think about it like that but the way I look at it is that I've found my life partner already so we might as well get the show on the road and make a proper commitment to each other

The Big Red Button

I met a guy when I was 19, he was 18. We were very serious from the start (although we never really lived together.) We loved each other to bits, and got engaged at 22, and planned our whole futures around each other. If we could have gotten married right then and there, we both absolutely would have - we were so incredibly sure about it.

Around nine months ago, at the age of 26, we broke up. (Or, to be specific, I broke up with him.)

I'll never regret having gotten engaged to him - it was what was right, for us, at the time.

I'll always be grateful that we didn't get married.

I'll always like and respect him for the very wonderful man that he is. He is an amazing guy, one of the best in the world, and I'd only ever want the best for him.

Having experienced all that, I never again want to promise "forever" to anyone!

I'm no commitment-phobe - but, if I'm in a relationship, I want to wake up each morning wanting to be with the man I'm with - not staying there just because there's a mortgage or a marriage hanging over us!!! I just don't want to ever put that sort of pressure on myself ever again!

I can definitely see the appeal for others, but having been engaged once, I don't think I'll go there again. It doesn't mean I'll never have a proper meaningful relationship again! I can absolutely do that. But, that's enough for me, for just me and him to want to be together. If there are ever promises to be made, they will be made to each other, in private!

There are two reasons I'd consider marriage - children (I'd definitely want the father to have as many rights as me), and tax (there are tax benefits, but I wouldn't get married just for this - it would be in conjunction with the former reason!)

It's not that I'm not romantic anymore - at all!!! It's just that, well, I've learned firsthand that relationships don't always work, no matter how much you try. So, from now on, I don't ever want to get so deep that I could hurt someone else so much. No matter what.

Ellsbells

I am very glad I met my oh later in life (as they say)... I have had the most amazing experiences, dated great men, travelled loads and had a ball. All my friends who met and married young - 20 /15 / even 10 years ago are bored stupid now and they are stuck not having experienced life as they settled down so young. It's not for everyone and I would not recommend people rush into marriage to be one of the crowd.

Dolbert

We got together at 21, and got engaged last year at 28. We had talked about getting married for years before that though. We might have got married a couple of years ago, but the opportunity to buy our house came through so engagement was left on the back burner for a bit.

I was in your position a few years ago OP, not sure if his timeline was similar to mine and getting anxious in case we didn't want the same things. In the end, we had some open and honest talks and luckily enough we were on the same page, which left us both reassured that we weren't wasting our time. Sometimes you've just got to be frank about what you want and expect from each other!

I would disagree that getting engaged/ married young is always a bad idea too. I know a few couples who have been married since early/ mid twenties and it's worked out great for them, it totally depends on the couple.

Contessa Raven

I'm 24 and have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now (he's 26). We've talked about marriage and having a family. I would love to get engaged in the next year or two and get married a year or so after that. I'd like to have a year or two to get used to being married and just enjoy being "us" for a while before starting a family.

Ideally I'd be married and have a child before 30 but realistically I'll probably not get married until I'm 29-30ish as there are still a couple of things we'd each like to do before going down that road. I want to travel a bit more. He wants to travel, get more established in his career and obviously we'd like somewhere to live.

It's all well and good having a timeline of when you want certain things by but the other person will have their own timeline. It's all about listening to what you both want and finding a way to achieve it as a couple.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

Acoshla

gara wrote: »

I think you're seriously overthinking this -other people don't care about the 'love bit' in other people 's relationships and I don't think they're actively out to offend you when asking about babies either, it's just an inane talking point because people probably feel more comfortable making a little joke than gushing about how in love you must be

How is it more comfortable to question people's sex lives and personal life choices than to make a comment about love? I never once said I expect people to "gush" about love, I'd actually prefer if most people left out their inane chatter and small talk altogether.

And if they don't care about the love bit then why in the name of God would they care about whether or not the couple in question are going to pop out a couple of sprogs as soon as the wedding's over, it is just stupid small talk to fill time but people get very presumptuous about other people's lives. I'm blunt, I don't care if people ask me because I just tell them I hate kids, but I've seen others get quite upset with this line of questioning when it hits a nerve.

Sorry for going off topic!

analucija

I had no desire to be in serious relationship till mid twenties and I kinda stumbled into one. And while we knew we wanted children, we weren't really trying for the first one I just stopped my contraception and got pregnant straight away (he was born a day before I was 31). I have no desire to get married. The ceremony means very little to me and I'd hate to organize the wedding. We are happy together and that's about it.

gara

Acoshla wrote: »

How is it more comfortable to question people's sex lives and personal life choices than to make a comment about love? I never once said I expect people to "gush" about love, I'd actually prefer if most people left out their inane chatter and small talk altogether.

That's precisely my point and why you're giving it far too much gravitas -people don't really give a fig about everyone else's 'personal life choices', they're just making inocuous small talk to be polite mostly and probably aren't even aware of the trivial words that are leaving their mouths so I don't see why you'd feel so offended by that.

I think people should get married when they both want to and feel ready regardless of age or anything -I think true love always finds a way and if being married makes you both happy then do it and if it doesn't, don't

tannytantans

My husband and I met when I was 18. Started going out when I was 21, got engaged at 22 and married at 24. he's 2 years older. Married just over two years now and we're as happy as ever

A lot of people say we're very young which is true but we've both have postgraduate degrees, we've lived abroad for a year and travelled all over the world. I had my fair share of wild nights in college and to be honest felt I was ready to settle down. I also love the fact that we've still a few years before we need to decide on having kids etc

Acoshla

tannytantans wrote: »

A lot of people say we're very young which is true but we've both have postgraduate degrees, we've lived abroad for a year and travelled all over the world. I had my fair share of wild nights in college and to be honest felt I was ready to settle down. I also love the fact that we've still a few years before we need to decide on having kids etc

Yeah by the time I met himself at 23 I'd had two long term relationships, gone to the three colleges in three different cities and had more than my share of wild nights, lived abroad and travelled a lot, so was happy with what I'd done so far in life.

angeldelight

I started going out with my other half when I was 19, he was 20. We got engaged after we moved in together when I was 23, and we're getting married in 8 weeks aged 25 and 26!

Totally depends on the relationship and the people involved though

liliq

I met my fiance when i was 25, getting married this year at 27, 2.5 years, a mortgage and a baby later.
I'd just gotten out of a long term relationship 6 months before, and definitely didn't plan on getting into another one so soon! But I'm glad I did
I DEFINITELY never thought I'd be the girl that was pregnant within a year of meeting someone and married within 2 or 3!!

Lia_lia

I don't want to ever to get married.

The idea of marriage depresses the crap out of me! Being with someone for your whole life? Eugh. Just not for me. I find it bizarre. Almost everyone in my immediate family didn't get married and they turned out fine!






(will probably end up getting married in a couple of years lolz)

Malari

I'm coming up on 7 years with my boyfriend. We've discussed marriage and weddings in the abstract many times. We may do it one day, but if it doesn't happen for another 15 years (or never) it doesn't bother me in the slightest.

I quite like the idea of just living with someone and not marrying them

eviltwin

I started dating my husband when I was 18 and he was 24, we had our first child the following year, bought a house three years after that and that was enough for me. I had nothing against marriage but I didn't feel ready and I had too much going on with work and my daughter. We eventually did get married 3 yrs ago when I was 31 and he was 36. It just felt like the right time.

I often wonder would we have gotten married sooner if we hadn't had a child first.

The Lovely Muffin

I'm don't particularly want to get married, well, if I loved someone enough and marriage was important to him, of course, I'd marry him, I have nothing against marriage, I guess I'm just not fussed about getting married.

I'm 21, my bf is 26 and we are together a year this month so we definitely wouldn't be getting married for a long time anyway, as it is we don't want marriage, if we're still together in 5/6/7 etc years time we may change our minds, who knows.

Kids are a definite no-no for me though, as much as I love seeing my lil cousins and spending time with them, I do not want any of my own. Himself doesn't want any either, but again, in a few years we could change our minds.

cynder

Ever since i was a kid all i ever wanted to do was get married and have kids, i wanted to be a mommy.

I met my guy at 17 he was 18, we had an off/on (mostly on) relationship i was pregnant at 18 had her at 19, we still had an off / on relationship for another year (mostly on). He moved in with me sometime after her second birthday. We were in the process of buying our house (i was 24) when i got pregnant with number 2, we got the keys to our house 1 week after our son was born 5 weeks premature. 7 months later i was pregnant with number 3. 8 weeks after he was born our eldest was rushed to hospital going into a coma, we found out she was diabetic (age 7). Before the year was out my fella was diagnosed with testicular cancer (2 types) had to have one removed and had 3 types of chemo. Just before he was diagnosed but after he found the lump i asked him if it was about time we married. He agreed and i made plans for when the chemo would be finished. The chemo finished 7 months later and we married 1 month after that, (he refused to get married bald) we were both 28 when we married that was almost 4 years ago.

We are together almost 15 years. lots of ups and downs, but that is life.

squishykins

Some really nice stories here, it's amazing how different everyone is

sillymoo wrote: »

You asked for an age and I said 30 was realistic for me. But very one is different. If you would like me to clarify my answer better please give me some direction

I'm sorry about that, I thought you were telling me not to worry about it, when I'm not :P I think I gave off the impression that I was asking "what age should I get married, what's the right age?" when it's not that at all, just wanted to hear other people's experiences

Azureus

Im 24 with my bf for nearly 5 years...have no intention of getting engaged or married in the near future. Mainly because im pretty sure the marriage thing aint for me full stop, but also because I want to see the world, travel, maybe live abroad for a year or two and experience all those things with him before I settle down.

Some people say Im settled already because Im not single, but thats not how I see things. I just see it that ive my best friend coming along for the ride while I do all the things that I always wanted to. Marriage isnt part of that. Two good friends of mine who are younger than me got married last month, and Ive two more weddings of peers this year though, so each to their own.

baby and crumble

Myself and my GF/partner/finacee are together 8 1/2 years- we got together when I was 21, she had just turned 20. She wasn't a relationship person apparently... :cool:

There was a difference with us I suppose in that we only recently got the option of creating a legally binding union- so before that we always used to say "haha, when it's legal!" and then all of a sudden it was... We knew pretty early that we were in this for the long haul and wanted kids etc. I proposed when I was 28, she was 26. She thought I was breaking up with her, I nearly wet myself with nerves... :P

Thing is, you and only you know when you're in the relationship you want to stick with. To me, age doesn't matter.

OakeyDokey

The Lovely Muffin wrote: »

I'm 21, my bf is 26 and we are together a year this month so we definitely wouldn't be getting married for a long time anyway, as it is we don't want marriage, if we're still together in 5/6/7 etc years time we may change our minds, who knows.

I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 26 and we are together over 5 years. It's is mad how things are similar and so different!

I would like to be married one day but I've always liked the thought of a long engagement, I never really got the idea of getting married so soon after getting engaged! I see people struggling for money to pay for a wedding! The way I see it is if you're going to spend the rest of your life together anyway then what is the rush? I'd rather wait and save up the money, have a stress free plan spread out than put myself in serious debt.

We have spoken to each other about marriage and the likes and we both want it so when it happens it happens.

Princess Peach

I wouldn't like to have a long engagement, but I don't want to have a wedding anyway! Just a small ceremony for me, nothing fussy or traditional I love going to weddings, just not for me though! So I can see myself having a short engagement since I won't be spending much money anyway.

I don't know when it will happen. I have a lot of dreams/plans for travel and education but who knows how things will go! I know I can travel and study when married, just for some reason I have it in my mind I should do them first.

Scarinae

That's another thing... I hate loads of attention, so the idea of having a hundred or so people focusing on me for an entire day is horrible! If I was to get married I'd be tempted to elope abroad somewhere

helimachoptor

Getting married Friday 2 weeks. That day we'll be together 8 years, we've had some fantastic times together but we've had done fairly $hitty times too.

We do want kids at some point, personally I wouldn't have kids outside of marriage with the laws for unmarried fathers the way they are.

Not to be too cheesy but marriage is just the next stage in our life.. It'll have good and bad but I think over the last 8 years we've a pretty good appreciation of what can happen so I'm hoping we don't have too many serious issues!

clappyhappy

I met my OH when I was 24, he was 31. We were both working in the middle east. Got married at 26, had first child at 30, moved back to Ireland and had 2 more. 12 years married now and very happy thankfully, but I often think 26 was very young to get married.

Acoshla

With regards to long and short engagements, do remember some people can afford to pay for one in a short space of time. My boyfriend's cousin got engaged a couple of months ago and is getting married 5 months after the engagement, he earns more in 2 months than I do in a year, so paying for a €20,000 party is easy for him, there's still people out there who are fortunate enough to do that.

Bobsammy

I think it really is a thing of when it's right for you. I met my boyfriend when we were both 18, we got together when we were 19 and got engaged earlier this year when we were both 24. When we get married next year I'll be just turned 26 and he'll be 25. We had discussed marriage a few times and now that we're both getting established in our careers we felt the time was right. We'll be engaged for 13 months altogether which I think is a nice length of time. Gives us enough time to get some money together and plan things without getting stressed!

trinz23

im 24, my OH is 27. We have been together for 3 and a half years and living together for the last year and a half. We have spoken about the future and both know that we are going to get married and have kids but we are in NO rush... i've never been to New York or Oz and these are trips that we are going to take before any kind of expensive rings are bought. Although, i do tend to give him a bit of a slagging any time I hear that people get engaged. I always ask "how long have they been together? Only 2 years? REALLY?" but in reality i'm not looking at timeframes....in my eyes I am with the man that I will spend the rest of my life with, why rush it? we have forever....

Neyite

We are 8 years together, I'm 37 and he a year older. We knew it was a life-long relationship after the first year, and planned to get engaged etc at some point. We didnt get around to it, then when we decided that we better start our family, its seems silly to waste money on a ring or celebration when we could use it towards our family.

Now we are a family, but I would like the legal aspect sorted. He deserves as much rights to our child as I have, and under law he has none. It would be nice to be able to transfer tax credits too.

I think it would be a family only wedding for us when we finally do get around to it. I wouldnt be one for the hotel ballroom or inviting half the neighbourhood when the same people wouldnt give you a lift in the rain. Just me, him, our families, a nice feed and a bit of a hooly afterwards.

Honey-ec

Met my STBEH when I was 19 and he was 18. We were friends for a few years, started going out when I was 23 and he was 22. Got engaged after 8 months, married after 3 years (I was 26 and he was 25) and we split up over November/December last year after three and a half years of marriage.

I'm not going to lecture anyone on the perils of getting married young, but I would just say to be aware that people's priorities change over the years. STBEH and I split because he wanted kids and I didn't. He knew this long before we got married, he did a lot of soul-searching about it while we were engaged and he decided that he was happy with that, he didn't want kids either.

Unfortunately, time passed and he changed his mind. Deciding to part ways was without a doubt the most heartbreaking decision I ever made, and I had a lot of anger towards him for, as I saw it, reneging on his end of the deal - he knew I never wanted children, I had never, ever made it anything other than crystal clear that it was never on the cards. But he didn't deliberately set out to hurt me or trick me - he just changed his mind. Because, as much as we'd like to keep them the same, people change over time.

Now, how he dealt with the aftermath of the break-up is a whole different story, but I'll leave it at that.

The irony is, I never thought, in my teens, that I'd ever bother getting married at all. Just didn't see the point in it. And I really didn't think I'd be married in my mid-twenties and separated by 29.

Would I get married again? Hell no.

ash23

I had my child at 20 and shortly after met someone. Moved in with him and we bought a house at 23. When I was about 24 I started wanting to get engaged and have more kids. He didn't. We split up just before I turned 26.

When I was younger I was happy to wait 4 or 5 or 6 years for a proposal. Now I'm nearly 30 and I wouldn't wait so long. Marriage is something that is important to me. I want more children. I won't stay with someone indefinitely without getting engaged and married.
That's just me though.

So now, after a year or two I would be looking for the commitment. When I was in my early 20s it wasn't as important to me. But I know myself now and I know what I want.

Lovbnmoma

Hi hope you dont mind me joining you! Im going out with my bf for 11 years coming up on 12 years! I met him when I was only just 15 but couldnt be happier! We had our first dd when I was 23 and my second when I was 25. I was never that bothered about getting married until this year really when two of my good friends have gotten engaged! Its amazing the pressure you feel when your friends get engaged, suddenly I am itching to get hitched which is mad cause there was no hurry on me before this! Sometimes though I still feel there is a stigma around being an unmarried mother, maybe its just around our area cause its a small village.

CathyMoran

My husband and I started dating when we were 23 and he first proposed when we were 24 but it took an oesophageal cancer diagnosis for me to get my act into gear and propose and marry him - I love him, he is a great man but I almost lost him because I did not have the nerve to tell him that I wanted a small wedding. I would love another child but as our children are 1 and 2 and I am 38 I do not have much time to decide. If you really love someone, know them well and want to get married do not wait.

Siuin

I'm 21 and my boyfriend is turning 30 this year- he's eager to get the ball rolling, move in, etc etc and keeps talking about kids -- but to be quite blunt: no way in hell. I've worked with kids long enough to know much better than him the effort that's involved. If he was to push harder for things to move faster, I would honestly end things. I'm not going to sacrifice my youth for anyone.

Sala

7.5 years and still waiting to be asked:D Theer is a presumption we will will get married but not really bother. or me buying a house and kids are a bigger commitment!

There is no point setting age goals - I did and I sure as hell won't reach them at this rate! At 27 I still haven't got my career sorted and if I do it'll be a long slog - I keep getting the fear that if I have a child my career dreams will never materialise, if I get moving on my career I will be waiting years to have children. I know this isn't the case for everyone, that's just my fear

LegacyUser

Maybe I'll get my head bitten off for this, but I'd like to put in a man's perspective.

I'm 30, my fiancé's 32 and we've been together 5 years & engaged for 2. We havent even started planning anything yet, because it's our life and we'll do what we want when we feel the time is right. Small non - religious ceremony, none of this backward catholic celtic tiger bullcrap.

As regards kids, I don't want them, and she doesnt want them either right now (who knows even a misanthrope like me could have a change of heart?) so I consider myself extremely lucky that we're on the same page. A great many men have been tricked/trapped into kids they didn't necessarily plan for, both inside and outside of marriage/relationships.

In short, we're doing this because we want to and in our own time.