Help me figure this out

LegacyUser

About eight months ago I met a guy, we dated for six weeks and he finished it because he wasn't comfortable with the fact that I had kids. I understood this and held no ill feeling towards him. We have kept in regular contact over the last six months, both at his instigation and mine, through texting and Facebook.

During one of our conversations about two months ago I asked if he was seeing anyone, he told me he was in regular contact with a girl from abroad who was planning to move to Ireland. He told me they got on very well and had lots in common. Three weeks ago he informed me he was going to her country to see her but didn't see any relationship forming. I asked why and he said she is coming to Ireland but wouldn't be staying here permanently, she is planning on moving to another country. So apparently that is the end of that. However he is still going to meet up with her.

I'm a very honest type of person and I feel compelled to say how I feel, so two weeks ago I sent him a message saying I know he has moved on but I still hold strong feelings for him. He replied saying he had feelings for me too and missed me and had been thinking that he had made a mistake in ending our relationship. He also said that he thought there would be no relationship with the foreign girl and that we could talk about us when he got back from his visit to her country.

This is where I'm confused; he knows there is going to be relationship with this girl, yet he still seems to be hanging on. Is this in the hope that she will change her mind when they meet and decide to remain here when she eventually moves? Is he keeping me hanging on in case this doesn't work? If he had strong feelings for me then why put me on the back burner? His reasons for breaking up with me, i.e. my kids, are still here!

My apologies for the complexity of this thread, I'm shocked at the situation myself as the guy seems like a very simple, no nonsense, genuine kind of guy. I should also mention that he has had very little relationship experience, he was never into the pub/nightclub scene. For clarity sake we are both mid 30's.

Lorna123

I would say that this guy became friends with this woman and has arranged to meet up with her just for the sake of it. The experience of it just appeals to him. He knows there is not going to be any relationship in it but that doesn't stop him from wanting to meet a friend. I can understand that. I would say that he still has feelings for you and he would like to be in touch with you when he comes back but my gut feeling is that he hasn't been in a relationship since you and he misses the closeness of it but as far as anything permanent being on the cards I cannot see him changing his mind about that. That is just how I see it.

ihsb

I would say that he wants to have his experience with this foreign woman (probably sexually) and then he wants the door open to come back to you.

I personally would hate this. He likes this girl more then she likes him so he wants to have his fun with her and then come back to you. Knowing that because you have children etc. you will not be leaving.

Merkin

Spanner in the works wrote: »

If he had strong feelings for me then why put me on the back burner? His reasons for breaking up with me, i.e. my kids, are still here!

You've answered your own question. I'd avoid him like the plague as he sounds like a total messer regardless of how genuine you think he is. The reasons for him dropping you like a hot snot have not gone away - your kids. Chances are you will reunite until he decides (again) that he can't handle the fact you have children (again) - I wouldn't give him the opportunity to break it off a second time. If was really interested he wouldn't have flitted the first time.

Pa Dee

Spanner in the works wrote: »

About eight months ago I met a guy, we dated for six weeks and he finished it because he wasn't comfortable with the fact that I had kids. I understood this and held no ill feeling towards him. We have kept in regular contact over the last six months, both at his instigation and mine, through texting and Facebook.

During one of our conversations about two months ago I asked if he was seeing anyone, he told me he was in regular contact with a girl from abroad who was planning to move to Ireland. He told me they got on very well and had lots in common. Three weeks ago he informed me he was going to her country to see her but didn't see any relationship forming. I asked why and he said she is coming to Ireland but wouldn't be staying here permanently, she is planning on moving to another country. So apparently that is the end of that. However he is still going to meet up with her.

I'm a very honest type of person and I feel compelled to say how I feel, so two weeks ago I sent him a message saying I know he has moved on but I still hold strong feelings for him. He replied saying he had feelings for me too and missed me and had been thinking that he had made a mistake in ending our relationship. He also said that he thought there would be no relationship with the foreign girl and that we could talk about us when he got back from his visit to her country.

This is where I'm confused; he knows there is going to be relationship with this girl, yet he still seems to be hanging on. Is this in the hope that she will change her mind when they meet and decide to remain here when she eventually moves? Is he keeping me hanging on in case this doesn't work? If he had strong feelings for me then why put me on the back burner? His reasons for breaking up with me, i.e. my kids, are still here!

My apologies for the complexity of this thread, I'm shocked at the situation myself as the guy seems like a very simple, no nonsense, genuine kind of guy. I should also mention that he has had very little relationship experience, he was never into the pub/nightclub scene. For clarity sake we are both mid 30's.

Why are you still in contact with this man at all ???

dellas1979

I think its called having his cake and eating it.

How did ye meet/or howd he meet her?

Mr Bump

What he said, what are you doing still in contact, sorry for how straight this sounds, and i dont mean to hurt you, but get the hell out of there young lady and stay away, he is taking the pi**, you are just to nice for this,

Pa Dee wrote: »

Why are you still in contact with this man at all ???

dannyc31

ok this guy is whats known as a class A gobsh*te. seriously why are you giving him the time of day? for 1 you only dated him for 6 weeks which is feck all and even less than feck all in a mans mind.

the key thing here is this guy has very little relationship experience and it shows. if he had dated more women he would have a better idea how to treat them. what guy would tell a girl he really likes, about another girl in another country who he thinks he likes but who he has never met? he sounds like a child. the thing about alot of men is that ego plays a big part in how they feel with women and this guy probably has never had a situation like this before were he has the choice of two women, in his head mainly. it also could be he's made this other girl up completely.

he's toying with your feelings girl, i would stay clear of him, sounds like an immature git who's just looking for an ego boost and the sex. hold out for someone who will treat you properly.