Owed money by 'friends'. What can I do?

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm not sure if this is the correct forum for this, but nowhere else will let me post unless I'm registered.

I'm a 24 year old male, living in North Dublin.

My basic situation is that I've recently been made redundant and while I'm doing some nixers and some part-time work, I'm not making as much money as I was used to. I'm not out on the street or anything near it, but obviously every penny counts now.

I was living in a rented accomodation with 2 'friends' up until the end of April. We are no longer really friends, as they do not contact me. They played vicious pranks on me constantly in the house and I was constantly the butt of their jokes and target for abuse. This would be bad enough, but I financially backed the whole thing more or less at the start and all the bills and the rent were coming from my bank account.

I'm guessing everyone can see where this is going now.

I've moved into a new place now and I'm on my own for the time being. I never lowered myself to retaliate with pranks or anything of the like while living with them. One night, I just got it into my head to prank one of them, in a rather inventive way.

Background: these lads' pranks were utterly vicious sometimes, but they never saw it that way. I was a 'wuss' and a 'pussy' for 'overreacting' to some of these horrible pranks. I never retaliated, but the pranks and abuse kept on flying.

Without going into detail, the prank was very cruel and so on, but it was only for a laugh and was the first time that I'd ever played a prank on any of them. The reaction was unreal; I got a threatening phone call at 2am, with him calling me all the names under the sun and the best part was threatening to phone my parents, my friends, my ex-boss, my former colleagues... basically everyone I'd ever met and tell them secrets and details about me that were personal and sensitive. I'd confided in them before and now it was being used as a weapon against me. And they often asked me why I bottled things up and didn't talk about my issues much. Because this kind of thing has happened to me so much in the past (secrets and details being used against me as a weapon for blackmail, etc.)

Anyway, that was like a week ago.

Now, since the end of April, these guys have owed me cummulatively about €2,000 in total. Obviously, I could REALLY use that money now. But I highly doubt they're going to pay me at all, and I'm going to get stung badly over it.

My question is this: does anyone know what I can do? I have plenty of people (the landlord, the estate agent, friends of mine) who would be able to prove that all the bills were on my account and that I paid everything on time. The problem lies in the fact that I cannot prove that they didn't pay me. If I text them or call them, I'm probably going to be met with a hostile "f*** off" and they'll just laugh at me. I'm also frightened that if I try to get my money back off them that they will use the same threat that they did before and threaten to expose some of my deepest personal secrets and details to friends and family that I haven't told yet.

The situation is like walking on eggshells. I can just imagine them sitting together in their apartment (they all moved in together; I moved out on my own) and basically laughing and giving me the two fingers over the money I'm owed and I'm just getting so, so angry and frustrated, as I feel there is very little to nothing I can do. The only thing I have on my side is that I could rely on the landlord/estate agents/etc. to back me up in my claims as they knew of the situation, but were pretty powerless to do anything to help.

I hate the thought of being ridden to the tune of two grand by these guys, and while I'd like to try and mend our relationship, it's been made clear to me that they don't want that (I tried to offer an olive branch and offered to meet up to talk, but was rebuffed). So I'm now looking at just getting my money (or as much of it as I can) and getting the hell away from them. But I do not know how to go about this.

Sorry for the extremely long post, but a lot of background is needed and I'm venting a lot too. Thanks for reading and thanks for any advice that can be given.

K_P

That sounds awful OP and utterly frustrating to think you're so out of pocket because of so called friends.

Ultimately though, you're probably not going to get your money back. They're clearly not decent people or the kind you can reason with and, as you said, you have no proof that they owe you anything. To bring it up with them now would just drag them back into your life, completely exacerbate your feelings of anger and frustration at them and you'd still end up with no money.

Put them and the money out of your mind as if you don't it'll drive you crazy. Don't ever let yourself get in a situation like that again. Consider it an expensive and valuable lesson learned (as well as a lucky escape from fake friends) and move on with your life. Good luck OP.

Rabbitandcavy

Chances of getting that money back is very slim, and they also sound like nasty pieces of work so if it were me I'd leave it be. I'm sure you've learned a valuable lesson from the experience at least. If you have no written agreement that you loaned them the money not gave it to them, there is nothing you can do and these feckers aren't going to give in and pay it back either. Depending on how bad the harassment was you could try and press charges for that, but I'd probably want to save myself the stress and heart ache and move on.

coolcat63

OriginalPoster wrote: »

Without going into detail, the prank was very cruel and so on.

So you tried to fight fire with fire and got badly burned? An expensive lesson for you to learn but unless you are prepared for the backlash, and more importantly, you have the evidence and strength of character to fight them legally for the money they owe you, then you should move on and leave 'pranks' to the playground.

Neyite

I think you have been used and abused by this group. I highly doubt that if they were abusive and cruel to you while you were a friend that they will politely hand over the money they owe you. They are bullies, pure and simple.

Now, either you let them spill your secrets to all and sundry if you are sure that you wont care, and chase them for the money, and expect them to escalate the abuse and violence towards you, or accept that the money is gone for ever. Consider it a very expensive lesson, and never pay more than your fair share in a house share again.

Me? While its a huge amount of money, I wouldnt go after it, especially in light of the damage they have done to you and your property previously under the guise of jokes. They sound like they could easily escalate into hurting you.

AhInFairness

OriginalPoster wrote: »

while I'd like to try and mend our relationship, it's been made clear to me that they don't want that (I tried to offer an olive branch and offered to meet up to talk, but was rebuffed)

You know OP, this story is extremely familiar to me. I once knew of a guy who vented and vented about his horrible housemates who treated him like crap, abused him verbally, played horrible pranks on him and took the piss when he opened up. This guy who was suffering at the hands of these blokes stuck around because he said "they're my friends". He was advised over and over that these blokes were not his friends and that he needed to get the hell out of that houseshare. Unfortunately, like you, he stuck around to the point where they owed him a substantial amount of money.

As I see it OP, you have a few options.

You can:
1) Contact these blokes and tell them each how much they owe you.
2) Seek legal advice as to how to proceed if they refuse to pay you. You can't prove that they didn't pay you, but they can't prove that they did.
3) Write it off as a lesson learned and don't ever put your name on all the bills in a houseshare.

I would also add a number 4 - take a look at your own behaviour during this experience and your self-esteem in general and ask yourself why you kept yourself in that situation for so long and why you want to be friends with people who have shown you so clearly how little they think of you.

tawnyowl

OriginalPoster wrote: »

Background: these lads' pranks were utterly vicious sometimes, but they never saw it that way. I was a 'wuss' and a 'pussy' for 'overreacting' to some of these horrible pranks. I never retaliated, but the pranks and abuse kept on flying.

That kind of insulting of you had the effect of keeping you under their control - it may also be down to them not seeing the pranks as serious, no matter how serious they may have gotten.

Without going into detail, the prank was very cruel and so on, but it was only for a laugh and was the first time that I'd ever played a prank on any of them. The reaction was unreal; I got a threatening phone call at 2am, with him calling me all the names under the sun and the best part was threatening to phone my parents, my friends, my ex-boss, my former colleagues... basically everyone I'd ever met and tell them secrets and details about me that were personal and sensitive. I'd confided in them before and now it was being used as a weapon against me. And they often asked me why I bottled things up and didn't talk about my issues much. Because this kind of thing has happened to me so much in the past (secrets and details being used against me as a weapon for blackmail, etc.)

Pranking them wasn't a great idea - they're threatening you again and it may backfire if they carry out the threat.

Avoid pranks in future, no matter how badly people treat you.

Anyway, that was like a week ago.

Now, since the end of April, these guys have owed me cummulatively about €2,000 in total. Obviously, I could REALLY use that money now. But I highly doubt they're going to pay me at all, and I'm going to get stung badly over it.

My question is this: does anyone know what I can do? I have plenty of people (the landlord, the estate agent, friends of mine) who would be able to prove that all the bills were on my account and that I paid everything on time. The problem lies in the fact that I cannot prove that they didn't pay me. If I text them or call them, I'm probably going to be met with a hostile "f*** off" and they'll just laugh at me. I'm also frightened that if I try to get my money back off them that they will use the same threat that they did before and threaten to expose some of my deepest personal secrets and details to friends and family that I haven't told yet.

All I can suggest is that you see a solicitor about the money owed - what would you need to prove that you were owed money, etc. You might also want to ask about the threats they made.

However, it sounds if it will be difficult for you to get the money, given their behaviour and you may well have to put up with not getting the money owed.

LegacyUser

There is a Legal Discussions forum in the Soc drop down menu. Maybe the people over there could advise you better with your chances of getting your money back.

If I was you I wouldn't try to patch up the friendship. If they're making you feel bad then they are not your friends and not worth wasting anymore time with.

Merkin

Ask them to repay you in writing (preferably by email so that they will hopefully reply to you and tell you to feck off or threaten you) and if they refuse to do so you can then take it to the Small Claims Court with written proof that monies are outstanding.

endacl

Merkin wrote: »

Ask them to repay you in writing (preferably by email so that they will hopefully reply to you and tell you to feck off or threaten you) and if they refuse to do so you can then take it to the Small Claims Court with written proof that monies are outstanding.

They're not a business. Small Claims Court will have no involvement. Why do people think SCC is a quick fix every time somebody owes them money?

username123

Dont lend money to people or fund peoples lifestyles unless you really trust them.

Dont live in an environment where you are unhappy and feel you are being abused.

Dont lower yourself to the same level by doing to them what they did to you.

The following rather paranoid statement stood out to me:

OriginalPoster wrote: »

Because this kind of thing has happened to me so much in the past (secrets and details being used against me as a weapon for blackmail, etc.)

I genuinely do not know what this means. I try to imagine the kind of secrets and details someone who lived with me would know, and there is simply nothing I can imagine that could be used to blackmail me? So unless you have some kind of criminal/fetishistic/disgusting/insane/warped thoughts or deeds going on - Im not clear on how you could be blackmailed? Is it just that youd be embarrassed about how you live or something? Or that you have done drugs or some other mild criminal activity? Because Im inclined to think you may have made this much bigger in your own head than it really is. You clearly feel there is something for you to be ashamed of - is there? Or is the shame in your own head?

Given how you seem to feel above I think you will have to kiss your money goodbye and take this as a very expensive lesson learned.

Although if I were you Id think hard about what kind of secrets and details you think they could blackmail you with - if its genuinely paranoia in your own head then why not go legal and speak to a solicitor?

edellc

OP chalk it down to experience you are never going to get your money back nor is a landlord or estate agent going to back you up, your not their tenant anymore they got their money so any problems you have with getting money out of former house mates your issue not theirs.

As for trying to mend a "friendship" with them and offering an olive branch, are you serious, these guys treated you like something they trod in and you think they are/where your friends, have a bit of respect for yourself OP

Yes its a horrible situation you have found yourself in and its a lot of money to be down but I really dont see you getting a cent back tbh....next time you move in with someone let them be the ones who set up direct debits on their accounts , get the bills in joint names and pay in the post office weekly/monthly rather than DD, and if you want to confide in anyone buy a diary or better still ring the samariatans they let you talk for hours, thats if you have no one else you can confide in and by that I mean real friends not housemates who tend to not be real friends most of the time.

Sorry you have found yourself the butt of these idiots jokes and I do hope you let go of the anger and rise above everything that has happened, best of luck with the new place OP

Peace and love x

dafunk

endacl wrote: »

They're not a business. Small Claims Court will have no involvement. Why do people think SCC is a quick fix every time somebody owes them money?

To my knowledge you're incorrect. I second Merkin, bring them to the small claims court. Costs about twenty or thirty quid afaik but what have you got to lose? They've no proof that they've repaid you.

tawnyowl

What the Small Claims Court can deal with is listed here:
http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/justice/courts_system/small_claims_court.html

What the Private Residential Tenancies Board can deal with is listed here:
http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/housing/renting_a_home/private_residential_tenancies_board.html

endacl

dafunk wrote: »

endacl wrote: »

They're not a business. Small Claims Court will have no involvement. Why do people think SCC is a quick fix every time somebody owes them money?

To my knowledge you're incorrect. I second Merkin, bring them to the small claims court. Costs about twenty or thirty quid afaik but what have you got to lose? They've no proof that they've repaid you.

It's a consumer court. Doesn't care if you're mate gave you that tenner back. See the post above.

This kind of information isn't hard to find...