Disgusting Housemate

Paulie Walnuts

Hello all!

I'm just looking for a bit of perspective on a housemate problem I'm having. Basically, my female housemate has the lowest standards of personal hygiene of anyone I've ever met. She stinks of BO constantly, there is an unholy smell coming out of her room (although she sleeps on the couch of the living room most nights, the living room has been a no go area for some time now). On top of this she has shown herself to be a total slob (anytime she has cooked she trashes the kitchen and doesn't clean up. The good thing is she subsists on take away food so the problem is not as frequent anymore). My room is across the hall from hers and right now I can get the stench in my room. Disgusting, just disgusting.
This week I discovered that after sleeping on the couch she pissed herself ruining the couch and the throw she was wrapped in. She doesn't know that I know this happened although I've dropped a couple of hints but she seems happy to pretend that it never happened. She's not a big drinker so its not an alcohol issue.
I've decided that I have to confront her. I want to explain to her she needs to clean up her act or else she will have to move out. I'm not looking forward to this as i don't know if it's possible to tell someone they stink without insulting them or seriously hurting their feelings. Tbh I don't really care if I do hurt her feelings and would be happy enough to tell her to pack up and get out.
So basically what I want to ask is, would it be an overreaction to tell her she has to move out?

Ickle Magoo

Is it your house?

If it's a house-share and you don't own it, I think your first port of call is alerting the land-lord, I can't imagine they'll be too happy with someone ruining couches or destroying their room...nor that they are/will affect who else wants to live there....and that way you get rid of her without having to confront her yourself.

All the best.

Paulie Walnuts

I've already spoken with the landlord. I said I would talk to her and the landlord said he wouldn't have a problem with throwing her out if she didn't clean up her act.

Merkin

That's actually caused me to vomit in my own mouth a little bit. Her behaviour is wholly unacceptable and totally rank. I wouldn't bother talking to her as she sounds beyond redemption - talk to your landlord again and say that it is his tenant who refuses to wash herself. The same tenant who insists on urinating in both her own pants and on communal furniture and that she simply has to be banished from the premises. I'm sure he'll understand. You might also mention that her room will take some time to be fumigated so the sooner he evicts her the better.

nadey

I know how you feel i myself lived in shared accommodation with total slobs before i moved in with my boyfriend

i was always cleaning up their disgusting mess

since you already took it up with the landlord

just tell her she needs to pull her weight around the house and that the smell starting to come into the other parts of the house because of her

also explain to her that her personal hygiene is causing discomfort on the other house mates

i would also tell her that she needs to replace the couch she urinated on the living room is for the whole house and not just she she has her own bedroom and its not permitted to sleep in the living room

personally i would tell her to get out after urinated on the couch that is just the lowest of the low my dogs are better house trained than her

i'd take that out of her deposit to replace the couch

Rabbitandcavy

Mother of God, that is disgusting, and I thought I was messy!
I kind of feel sorry for her though, nobody could be that bad and not have some underlying mental illness. Does she have any mental disabilities that you know of? Is there anything off about her other then her hygiene and cleanliness? Like if she's peeing herself and everything.....

The Uninvited Guest

Jesus christ, she sounds like a complete and utter knacker. Don't envy you in this situation dude.

Paulie Walnuts

Thanks for the replies folks. It's good to know I'm not overreacting. I'm really not looking forward to telling her she stinks!

GarIT

At this stage nothing would be an over reaction. Tell her to clean up her act and if nothing changes within a week get back onto the landlord to get her out.

Paulie Walnuts

Rabbitandcavy wrote: »

I kind of feel sorry for her though, nobody could be that bad and not have some underlying mental illness. Does she have any mental disabilities that you know of? Is there anything off about her other then her hygiene and cleanliness? Like if she's peeing herself and everything.....

I don't know her that well so I can't say for sure if she suffers from any sort of mental illness. Even if she does, if her illness manifests itself by her stinking of BO and pissing on the couch then I still don't want to live with her. If that's being intolerant then I guess I'm intolerant.

Daisy M

To be honest if she is as bad as you say I doubt any pulling her self together will ever meet an acceptable level of hygiene. This is way more than someone been messy or untidy. You shouldn't have to deal with this situation it is up to the landlord. I think you should find a new place to live because if she does move out you will be left with a smelly messy house to clean.

Ickle Magoo

The Uninvited Guest wrote: »

Jesus christ, she sounds like a complete and utter knacker. Don't envy you in this situation dude.

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Stavro Mueller

I'd be very tempted to move house myself in that case. I know I'd never want to go near that sofa again. If you intend to stay, you have to speak to her. I've learned that dropping hints is often as useful as a chocolate teapot. She needs to be told as clealy and bluntly as possible.

As an aside you should ensure you never let a housemate walk all over you like this again. I can understand why you don't like conflict. Most people don't. I've learned though that if you don't nip these things in the bud, they escalate. You've put up with far too much here. Bad smells, trashed kitchen and not being able to use the living room. You've shown her too much leniency.

Madam_X

You wouldn't hurt her feelings since she knows how dreadful she's being. You'd just embarrass her, but deep down she'd know it's an inevitability.

lightningbug

The poor girl clearly needs help. OP she is in a dark place at the moment. Try to suggest to her a visit to a GP. If she gets help now, I know she will be a new woman when you meet her again. I wish her all the best.

Paulie Walnuts

lightningbug wrote: »

The poor girl clearly needs help. OP she is in a dark place at the moment. Try to suggest to her a visit to a GP. If she gets help now, I know she will be a new woman when you meet her again. I wish her all the best.

Thanks for your reply lightning bug but I'm having trouble finding any sympathy for this girl. I think that her problem lies with the fact that she is a dirty pig more than any deeper issues. What can a doctor prescribe for B.O.? Can he/she suggest a therapy that will stop her cutting her toenails in the living room and leaving the cuttings behind (along with manky band aids).
Tbh honest I'm a bit fed up with people these days justifying almost anything with depression/mental illness. I understand these can be debilitating but I really don't think her behaviour can be remedied by a trip to the doctor.

curlzy

Paulie Walnuts wrote: »

Thanks for your reply lightning bug but I'm having trouble finding any sympathy for this girl. I think that her problem lies with the fact that she is a dirty pig more than any deeper issues. What can a doctor prescribe for B.O.? Can he/she suggest a therapy that will stop her cutting her toenails in the living room and leaving the cuttings behind (along with manky band aids).
Tbh honest I'm a bit fed up with people these days justifying almost anything with depression/mental illness. I understand these can be debilitating but I really don't think her behaviour can be remedied by a trip to the doctor.

I'm not a Dr and I'm not saying she's anything other than a disgusting slob but depression can indeed lead to this type of behaviour. I had a friend who's mental wellbeing I could estimate by his smell. Sure enough as soon as he'd start to smell within a week he'd be in getting help again for depression. I'm not saying any of this is up to you to fix but maybe go a bit easy when you speak to her? It would be awful if she was suffering with mental illness and you went postal on her and pushed her to do something silly. Just be careful is all, as much as you know this isn't your problem, you don't want to unintentionally hurt someone who may already by hurting.

With regards to you being annoyed at "people these days justifying almost anything with depression/mental illness". Maybe read up on the subject a bit more, if you haven't already? Yours would be a pretty nasty attitude to display if you're around people with those issues. You don't want to end up regretting your behaviour or things you've said down the road. We tend to grow out of cynism and you'll could feel like a right sh*t later on.

skooterblue2

curlzy wrote: »

depression can indeed lead to this type of behaviour. I had a friend who's mental wellbeing I could estimate by his smell. Sure enough as soon as he'd start to smell within a week he'd be in getting help again for depression. I'm not saying any of this is up to you to fix but maybe go a bit easy when you speak to her? It would be awful if she was suffering with mental illness and you went postal on her and pushed her to do something silly. Just be careful is all, as much as you know this isn't your problem, you don't want to unintentionally hurt someone who may already by hurting.

With regards to you being annoyed at "people these days justifying almost anything with depression/mental illness". Maybe read up on the subject a bit more, if you haven't already? Yours would be a pretty nasty attitude to display if you're around people with those issues. You don't want to end up regretting your behaviour or things you've said down the road. We tend to grow out of cynism and you'll could feel like a right sh*t later on.

OP, This isn't your problem and you didn't cause it, for this you have my sympathy. On the other hand here we have a girl who is OBVIOUSLY showing symptoms of mental distress. This isn't the same as some builders or students who are allergic to soap and water, this goes much deeper than that.

There is a wave of mental illness sweeping the country ..... I am not sure how to help someone who doesnt want to help themselves, as my own sister suffers from sever mental Illness. The right thing to do is get her to seek help. Some cases of mental illness can be cleared up with a 9 month course of antidepressants ..... Other cases may take a little longer and take different route.

It wouldnt be the Christian thing to do to throw her out but to contact home and let her own family help her.

LegacyUser

I know this won't be popular but....

Paulie Walnuts has a good point. You can't blame everything on mental illness. Do we really have this "wave of depression" across the nation? Maybe. Or maybe people just aren't accountable these days and its an age where someone else is always to blame. And even if someones actions ARE caused by mental illness, they are STILL accountable for their actions.

I only draw from an experience with an ex girlfriend who "self diagnosed" herself with depression, bipolar disorder among other things, never having visited a doctor.

Her actions were just horrendous. Absolutely awful things. But it was always "OK"... "It wasn't really her doing those things", "She can't be blamed as she isn't well". Absolute rubbish, she was urged to go to doctors many times, my family and I stood by her even through some disgusting behavior as she didn't appear well but enough was finally enough and I had to cut ties, despite all the help and support we offered, it just wasn't wanted and she made all of our lives hell... even to this day she still tries to.

Point being... none of this sounds like mental illness whatsoever. She just sounds like a lazy slob. Reasons for this? Mental illness? Just plain lazy? Used to having things her own way? Used to others cleaning up her mess?

Who knows really, but it doesn't matter. OP, she's not pulling her weight and is making the house a nightmare, that's grounds to speak to the landlord. Hopefully they can do something about her, if not just get out of there. It's awful having to move due to other peoples problems but in the long run you'll end up happier for it.

It doesn't sound like mental illness but even if it is I don't see why it is YOUR responsibility to be sympathetic, take care of her and clean up the mess.

Paulie Walnuts

Look I understand that depression can lead to all sorts of behaviour but I'm not sure it applies in this case. The girl has a job, goes to parties/festivals and has an active social life. Maybe she could have some sort of illness but like I said before, illness or not her behaviour is completely unacceptable. I don't know her that well and don't feel it is my responsibility to intervene.

Merkin

I think that's fair enough OP, it really is her own responsibility to keep herself and the communal space she inhabits in a clean fashion. If she is unable to do this then you shouldn't have to share with her. I know lots of people who unfortunately suffer from depression, bipolar and various other awful conditions - I don't know any of them who piss on the furniture and leave their toenails clippings to fester in communal areas. This girl is disgusting, pure and simple.