my daughter is being bullied.... :(

Laura_13

My daughter is being bullied by the girl next door. My daughter is 5 & the other girl is 7 & its more than just kids being kids... this kid spit in my daughters face, she is constantly calling her nasty names & bad mouthing me as well. She excludes my daughter from games & encourages the other children in the neighbourhood to do the same. If my daughter tries to join in she is chased away with sticks & stones. The other child is always trying to knock mine off her bike or crash into her bike. In recent weeks the situation has escalated to where stones & balls are constantly being thrown at the windows of my house. The bully uses rude hand gestures to my daughther & myself & has the foulest mouth ever for a 7yo. My daughter now refuses to go outside the house unless I go with her.

When this first started, I would go to the mother and she would only say "its kids being kids" IT IS NOT KIDS BEING KIDS!!! Now she doesnt tolerate people coming to her door in fact she wont even do the decent thing and open itIt is so bad that I have to send my child abroad for the summer to get her out of this situation.. I feel completely helpless. I dont know what to do

christmas2012

She is probably following adult behaviour,does the mother curse and say **** a lot or what is the story with the wider family?

Laura_13

Yes the mother curses.. I dont know much about the family circumstances. I only know bits. There is no contact with the father and the grandparents find the child a handfull. I have witnessed occasions of violence towards the child from the mother

christmas2012

She is an unhappy little child so,and so is her mother which is why they probably lash out..

Its hard to know what to do,but i wouldnt reccomend you leave your child out on her own with her children can be vicous,if an accident happened she wouldnt be of the age of criminal responsiblity..

I would suggest maybe setting up playdates with a child of a not so difficult background,maybe in a different area or a different place,just for a change of scene..maybe once a week or something like that..

Hope it all works out for your little girl,her confidence must have taken a dent by now..

silverharp

given that she is only 5 and if some of the kids are "a bit rough" , it might be better to arrange things on your terms be it playdates or supervised play in your local park. No kid should be exposed to bullying at 5. also local sports or council run camps should be starting up soon so good distraction and a chance to get to know other kids.

cbyrd

Have a camera handy and video the child when she is either abusing your child or house. It's backup for when you decide to do something. You won't have any joy with the mother and if you decide to take it any further you'll need the evidence.. I went through this with my eldest and the only way i could see out of it by the end was to move house,.. bit extreme but no other way round it..
If it was me.. i'd approach the child first.. warn her that you're watching her and if you catch her doing it again you'll call the guards. Remember she's a child you're the adult and sometimes a little scare can work.. good luck with it

christmas2012

Could spill over onto a fight with the equally unhappy and cursing mother...So you have to tread carefully,although i do agree with the camera suggestion,if it does get past civility and you have to go through other channels,you have camera evidence,but dont go out of your way like say set situations up to get 'evidence'..

Id say playdates and staying out of their way is the best approach as the other poster said 'no five year old should be exposed to bullying like that' she is still at an age where she should be developing and feeling happy and confident..

By staying out of their way you have less bullshit to deal with off of them,i know it sounds like the easy option,but it saves you and your daughter both a lot of hassle in the long run.

Tell your daughter to ignore her,as reactions and paying notice to her,only gives the bully encouragement,its the bullys air to breathe essentially..

The bully will form an identity by bullying your daughter,dont let that happen,as they only want to validate their behavior,making the bully to go out and intentionally seek to bully your daughter..

With enough time hopefully the bully will have gone on to something else and will leave your daugther out of her sights..

Laura_13

yes her confidence is pretty low now.. she cries about the slightest thing. I have also met with the teacher in school to see if anything has been said there or if the teacher noticed anything in her behaviour.. thankfully the teacher said she seems happy enough in school and her work is not suffering as a result of all this. her sleep is suffering though.. there have been some bed wetting incidents and nights where she will want to sleep with me.

Like I said in the original post, she is going to be going abroad for the summer to see family and she will be away for a month so hopefully this will be sorted when she gets back

Laura_13

cbyrd wrote: »

Have a camera handy and video the child when she is either abusing your child or house. It's backup for when you decide to do something. You won't have any joy with the mother and if you decide to take it any further you'll need the evidence.. I went through this with my eldest and the only way i could see out of it by the end was to move house,.. bit extreme but no other way round it..
If it was me.. i'd approach the child first.. warn her that you're watching her and if you catch her doing it again you'll call the guards. Remember she's a child you're the adult and sometimes a little scare can work.. good luck with it

would you believe that I have started to document the incidents and I did also approach the child. I told her that if she couldnt be nice to my daughter then please go away and dont play with her... you should have heard the obscenities i got in return.. the child throws stones at my daughter while im watching her.. its almost as if she is goading me, knowing that i cant do anything to her. I have reported the situation to housing authorities and they are supposed to be dealing with it..

The Lovely Muffin

Laura_13 wrote: »

I have witnessed occasions of violence towards the child from the mother

I would contact social services about the child and her mother. No mother should threaten violence against her child(ren).

The mother is clearly unhappy and is lashing out at her daughter which is clearly making her daughter unhappy so her daughter is taking unhappiness and frustration out on your daughter which is resulting in your little girl's unhappiness and she is the one suffering for something that should have absolutely nothing to do with her whatsoever.

I agree with other suggestions about getting a camera installed that way when something happens (spitting, stone throwing etc) you have evidence as back up.

Have a look here, it will give you an idea of prices and the kind of cameras that are available.

http://www.equicom.ie/outdoor-cctv-cameras-62-c.asp

Hannibal Smith

That's awful! You know what, if that's what the kids are like let them get on with it. Do the other kids chase your daughter away too?

I remember in my road when I was younger there was always this one kid who made our lives hell. She was miserable and wanted everyone else to be miserable too. Do you have a garden? What about inviting friends over from school or from creche and have them play in the garden in full view of the other kids. That way your kid knows she's safe and the other one gets to see she's not really 'all that'

Laura_13

My mother advised that i should involve the social services too. But I want to avoid that if I can. I need to think about it because it would inevitably lead to an unhappier situation for the child.

hannibal smith.. I dont have an enclosed garden.. its all open plan where we live everybody has access to the back green area.

augustus gloop

im no expert but i remember what was done when this was happening to my sis all them years ago, the other child was invited to come on a day trip to bundoran with my sis and me folks. they showed the girl a great time, and as the day progressed she warmed up to sis and the folks.
the trip was a conditioned enviroment of fun for just the 2 kids which quelled the bullying.
i know its a quick fix type of thing but whatever you do i hope it works out for you

jeni

That sounds like a great idea Augustus, but while the recording of the child does sound good, I'd be weary of doing it, if mammy is as bad as she sounds she might take it the wrong way, n not be a happy camper that your recording her daughter,

mirekb

augustus gloop wrote: »

im no expert but i remember what was done when this was happening to my sis all them years ago, the other child was invited to come on a day trip to bundoran with my sis and me folks. they showed the girl a great time, and as the day progressed she warmed up to sis and the folks.
the trip was a conditioned enviroment of fun for just the 2 kids which quelled the bullying.
i know its a quick fix type of thing but whatever you do i hope it works out for you

This is the first thing that I thought of too - can you make a friend of the child, invite her in to make cupcakes or something?

Big Bag of Chips

Much as Augustus Gloop's suggestion might stick in your throat, and inviting the child for any sort of treat or special treatment might seem like the last thing you want to do, you do also have to remember that she is only 7.

So whatever she is doing, and horrible and all as she is being.. she is still a child.

If my child was the subject of sustained bad treatment like that, "rewarding" the culprit would take alot of self control on my part!! But when the kids are so small, and so young (and impressionable!) it does seem like something that could genuinely work... more than ignoring her, or confronting her.

augustus gloop

wise words ^^^^^

christmas2012

but what if the situation doesnt get any better as bullies even young bullies can stay set in their ways,and especially if the mother doesnt change her parenting skills its likely to stay that way.

you dont want to give the bully regular access to your daughter,and who knows an 'accident' a la jamie bulger could happen.

and the child is not criminally responsible for that.

be careful what you decide maybe speak to a professional on the matter.

juice1304

you are criminally responsible from the age of seven onwards so if she dose anything to merit it bring them to court, she won't do it again then. if they are troughing stones at your house call the garda every time they do it they will soon get sick of you calling and go give the mother a good ear bashing. I had two of my knuckles and two of my fingers broken in three places by some little sh1t when i was 7 and not alot was done. don't let it go that far.

LegacyUser

Find an older mentor/protector for your 5 year old for a couple of outings, maybe someone around the age of 12-15 (a first cousin, a friends' child).....but here's the important bit, make sure he's male. The 7yr old neighbour will be in awe of a physically larger child, she may have a crush on him, and he won't be swayed by physical/verbal assault in the same way that a girl would. Plus he'll make your daughter look "cool" to her neighbour