Bad atmosphere in a shared house

LegacyUser

I share with three more people and a dog. I find them all fine and get on with them all and i am mad about the dog. Two of them hasn't got on with each other over the past few weeks. I don't know what happened between them. But one of them has been staying with her boyfriend instead of sleeping here. She has stayed with him for the past few weeks. It doesn't bother me and its none of my business where she stays. But she has a pet dog which we mind when she goes to work, and some evenings when she stays at her boyfriends. We all mind the dog, we all love the dog and don't mind.

Some evenings she will even take the dog and they both stay over at her boyfriends. The thing that has gotten to me is she would come home in the morning with the dog and drop the dog off for the day. I don't work, so i am being used as a dog sitter, while she works. I really dont mind this and i love minding the dog. But i don't even get a thanks for it.

Last week, she came home for a few minutes in the evening. When she was going off to stay over at the boyfriend's, she has asked me could i watch the dog. I have no problem with this as i love the dog. But i was minding the dog all that evening and again the next day as the housemate was in work. When she came home that evening, for a few hours, i didn't even get a thanks. Goes off again that evening, we get the dog again until the day after. That was tuesday, wednesday and thursday evening. Friday evening, she just opened the front door, the dog ran out and they both got into the car and went home for the weekend.

So she and her dog stays at her boyfriends again last night. This morning she dropped her dog off in the morning. I was just getting up, so i missed her going off. When she finished work, came home for about two minutes to pick up some stuff and her dog. And off she went again. I was in the sitting room, and she didn't even come in to say hello or even to thank me for minding her dog all day. Ok she wouldn't have known i was there but it wouldn't have killed her to check and say thanks.

Its the coming home in the morning and dropping off the dog thats bothering me. If its not that. Its minding the dog all evening, until the next evening when the housemate might come home for a few hours. She's able to stay at her boyfriends with the dog. Could she not leave her dog with the boyfriend, he's ok to stay with?

This dog also needs someone with her in the house at all times. The dog has separation anxiety. The dog even ripped up carpet in the house when it was left on its own. One of my other housemate's doesn't work. But we still have a life and do like to get out of the house. But we both consult each other, on who will be around to mind the dog because we can't leave it on its own.

Also over the past week or so, the housemate that owns the dog has been taking the dog's lead with her. So we can't even walk the poor dog. I don't know what her reason is in taking the lead. But i am almost guessing, that if i was to say anything, she could turn around and say that there is no minding in the dog in that she doesn't even need walking.

Am i being unreasonable in feeling this way, since i really dont mind looking after the dog? Ok, the housemate pays rent. She hasn't been staying here. She might as well get her moneys worth and leave the dog. But this dog needs to be minded which is really the housemate's responsibility. Its her rude attitude dropping the dog off in the morning, picking her up in the evening, coming in the door without saying a word, or minding the dog all evening and the next day. Without even a thanks.

The Lovely Muffin

She is using you plain and simple and you are allowing her to use you by not saying anything.

You need to speak to your house mate ASAP and if she asks you to mind the dog on X day for XXX number of hours, say no, say you have X/Y/Z to do and you cannot mind the dog.

I'd also make it clear to her that you don't appreciate her rude behaviour and a 'thanks' wouldn't go amiss.

The longer you sit quiet and say nothing, the more with will bother you and eventually you'll have enough and blow a fuse. Speak to her calmly and rationally before that happens, you don't want to fall out with her too, do you?

Neyite

Next time she drops her dog off in the morning, send her a text telling, not asking, her to come back asap, because you are on your way out and cant mind HER dog. Add that it would have been polite of her to ask you first.

jam_mac_jam

This is completely unacceptable, I would talk to her about it. That you don't mind but are being completely taken for granted.

Daisy M

You need to tell her straight that the dog is her responsibility, stop saying you love the dog and he is no bother because that is all she is hearing. Let her know you can oblige her by minding the dog on occasion when it is arranged in advance and you have nothing else planned. Also tell her if she doesnt leave a lead then you will not be able to do it. She is taking advantage of your kindness and I would believe using your love of the dog to do so.

ibarelycare

OP you're being a bit of a walkover here and enabling your housemate's behaviour. You need to talk to her about it, either with your other housemates or by yourself. That's the only way this is going to be resolved.

padd b1975

Neyite wrote: »

Next time she drops her dog off in the morning, send her a text telling, not asking, her to come back asap, because you are on your way out and cant mind HER dog. Add that it would have been polite of her to ask you first.

This. Although I would call instead of text if I were you.

squonk

You're being walked over OP and need to stand up to her.

I'd go one further than some other posters. I'd tell her that her behaviour was unacceptable and that she's either living in your place full time taking care of her own dog which is her responsibility alone, or she's living at her boyfriends and they both can take care of it.

As it is now, she'll no doubt try it on again once she thinks things have calmed down. I wouldn't take anymore of it really. She's either all in or all out.

Sleepy

Next time she does it, leave the dog in the back garden and head off to do whatever you need to do. It's a dog, not a child.

She'll probably have a fit but it'll be the perfect way for her to learn that you aren't her servants.

Big Bag of Chips

Is the dog REALLY that 'precious' that he can't be left alone? What's the worst that will happen if the dog is left in the back garden? Does she expect you to mind it, or have you taken it on yourself to care for the dog because of his 'separation anxiety'? (Sometimes dogs chew carpets... Not because of any underlying psychological issues, but because they are dogs!)

If she doesn't specifically ask you to stay in and take care of the dog, then you don't have to stay in and take care of the dog.

Maybe your housemate has no idea that you feel responsible for her dog.

If she does expect you to be responsible for her dog well then maybe just gently letting her know that you are not always available will remind her that the dog is HER responsibility.

But if you've never let her know that you are staying in the house specifically to mind her dog - and it's a problem for you, then she doesn't know you are staying in specifically to mind the dog - and it's a problem for you! (No need for any type of confrontation or big "look after your own dog" statements!)