Long term gorgeous girlfriend gone off sex

LegacyUser

Ok well me and my girlfriend have been going out now 3 and a half years! We'r both young, im 22 and she's 21. Unfortunately the relationship has been going pretty stale recently, well in sexual terms anyway. Sex seems to be an impossibility these days! So basically i'm just looking for advice on the matter from anyone that has any experience or opinions.

First off i must state that other than in the bedroom we are getting on unbelievable as usual. We are literally like best friends and have some amazing fun together all the time! I try my best to always keep things interesting and I try to spoil her as much as possible because she really is the most amazing girl in the world and I love her more than anything! Because of all this it makes me wonder why she has lost so much interest in sex or anything related!

Im worried that she isn't attracted to me anymore or that she has got bored of me! I have to say I still think she is an absolutely gorgeous women! She never fails to amaze me how hot she is and i still become more and more attracted to her every day. I cant take my eyes off her most of the time. Perhaps this is the reason that the lack of sex drives me crazy because its like sleeping with a super model but I can't get it on with her!!

The fact that i'm even with her gives me such confidence and I know i'm a good looking guy. But i'm still feeling that she isn't attracted to me anymore. No matter what I try i can never entice her to have sex anymore.

I have talked to her about the situation. The conclusion being that she just has no sex drive. Is this possible? I mean for the first 2 or so years we couldn't get enough of each other! If it was possible we could have sex numerous times a day! Can a women just lose a sex drive? she says she is still attracted to me but i fail to believe a women can just lose a sex drive if she is still attracted to me?

I still put in a huge effort with my appearance. I rarely go to see her without making sure i'm looking well for her.

Can anyone relate to this issue? I'm desperate for help at this stage because i'm becoming so frustrated being with this gorgeous women and not being able to get intimate anymore

Thanks in advance!!

nowyouresix

Has she changed contraception??? Gone from pill to implant or anything???

LegacyUser

She has been on the pill for about 2 years now. She has gone off it now for about a month due to it not suiting her. But i think this had already started happening for a bit longer than that.
Do you think this might have something to do with it??

Thanks for your reply

LegacyUser

If I didn't know better I would say this is my boyfriend writing with slightly changed details. Yes - it can happen. I'm in the same position as your girlfriend. Me and my beau have been together 6 yeas or so now and I love him to pieces. He is so frustrated and so am I.

I find him attractive but just cant seem to get in the mood. So my advise isn't even advise more piece of mind. Trust that she is still in love with you and still finds you the most attractive man in the world. But do discuss options like going to gynaecologist, or maybe sex therpist? there may be some helpful information online or in books also??

best wishes

Ickle Magoo

First things first she should make an appointment with her GP to rule out a more serious underlying issue. It could well be a hormonal issue that can be righted with a change or different contraceptive.

If there is no underlying issue - she just doesn't want to have sex - then you're going to have to have an honest heart-to-heart about how you can both work on that situation...sometimes it's as simple as falling out of/needing to get back into the habit...because there is nothing going to kill the rest of your relationship faster than your self-esteem being eroded away as you beg for sex.

All the very best.

Piliger

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

because there is nothing going to kill the rest of your relationship faster than your self-esteem being eroded away as you beg for sex.

Please note this comment OP. It's very important imho to stay relaxed if you can and not put pressure on.

Other contributing factors: Pressure at work, repetitive sexual situation (try a weekend away etc.). Remember the old advice is sometimes the best ... the best foreplay with a woman is doing the housework, ironing, hoovering, flowers, romantic attitude, respect.

Also look, **** happens in life. We are not robots. Sometimes we just lose interest in something and then later it comes back. It's not nice, but you are together 3.5 years and there will be ups and downs. If you love her then you will let it be and not make a big deal of it.

Best of luck

mikemac1

Exam time recently? You both seem of that age

Or is she working and under pressure, lots of people in jobs are
It would bring most anyone down


Why not head away for a weekend, I say Kerry

Honey-ec

Piliger wrote: »

Remember the old advice is sometimes the best ... the best foreplay with a woman is doing the housework, ironing, hoovering, flowers, romantic attitude, respect.

Sorry, but as a woman, none of that would make a blind bit of difference to me if I was gone off sex.

OP, sometimes women's sex drives just go through peaks and troughs for no particular reason. I know I went off sex for about 6 months at one stage and there was (and still is) nothing I could actually pinpoint as the cause - my libido was just down. It was very tough on my then-partner and, tbh, it was tough on me too because there was no obvious reason for it. But we got through it - by compromising and talking, talking, talking all the time. That is the one thing I would say to you - don't stop talking. He compromised by accepting that he wasn't getting as much sex as he would have liked and I compromised by going along with it when sometimes I wasn't in the humour at all, but I knew it was important for him not to feel totally rejected. We went from having sex four or five times a week to once a week, max, and as I said this lasted for about 6 months. But we got through it, and hopefully you will too.

John Mason

Piliger wrote: »

. Remember the old advice is sometimes the best ... the best foreplay with a woman is doing the housework, ironing, hoovering, flowers, romantic attitude, respect.

this isnt foreplay its called being a grown up and shouldnt be something done just so you will get sex. :rolleyes:

OP, i dont have any other advice other than what has already been said.

best of luck

Jimbob 83

Buy her a copy of 50 shades of grey

Piliger

irishbird wrote: »

this isnt foreplay its called being a grown up and shouldnt be something done just so you will get sex. :rolleyes:

Well actually it has been documented across the US and Europe to be a significant aphrodisiac for women in long term relationships and I found it to work in several difficult situations. It's not your cup of tea, but clearly it is for many and is well worth keeping in mind.

LegacyUser

Hey guys, thanks for all your replies so far they are very much appreciated!

I understand what ye are all saying. I guess basically guys just differ from girls (not always) when it comes to sex drives. I know for me I would happily have sex as often as I could possibly manage! I just find her extremely attractive so, for me, its only natural to want to have sex with her as often as possible. Is this normal or do I just have a huge sex drive???

If I wasn't attracted to her I wouldn't want to have sex with her. So if this is the way I think then i'm sure people can see where i am coming from when i'm worried that she isn't attracted to me anymore. But I understand women's sex drives can differ massively.

One thing I will say is that when we do have sex, she absolutely loves it. She always climaxes and has often come 2, 3 or more times and has said she loves sex! So this is another reason why i don't get the sudden dry spell.

Thanks so much again for the replies guys

Piliger

Hi OP. I don't think you are abnormal in any way - just very very lucky

But don't get the idea this is the way for every man all the time. Men suffer from loss of desire quite commonly and it could happen to you at some point, even though it seems impossible to imagine now.
You are also so lucky to be so much in love, and an emotionally intelligent guy. I am sure both of you will get through this. Just remember to keep the pressure off and 'adapt'.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the help guys!

I'll try to take it all on board! Hopefully things will pick up