old woman hates my kids

LegacyUser

Long story short there was an abandoned house across the road from me since I moved into this estate 10 years ago.House is a pretty big house 6 bedrooms I think- with high walls and big trees. Last year a woman of about 60ish moved in with her husband and she is making my and my kids lives hell.

Iv twin 6 year old boys and way before she came along they used to play in the garden of the abandoned house as it is all roads in my estate no greenery of anything. Then she moved in and my kids aren’t allowed play in the front garden anymore, she is a bitter old hag who yells at them if they are in her front garden. They are very upset they cant play in there anymore it’s a nice big garden with grass wheres our one is all cement and they used to play hide and seek in the big bushes.

The 1st time they were in our garden the boys came home crying because she yelled at them to get out of her garden- I went over and gave out to her and she said my boys were looking in her windows which I highly doubts true. She also said that they were trampling all over her new flowers but that could have been anyone as she had no gate at the time. She demanded money for the flowers and I said no.

She has since put up a gate but when she goes away my boys still go in to play in the front- you try telling two 6 years olds not to do something they wont listen and I cant watch them 24/7, but shes calling over to my house few times a day calling my kids “brats” when all they are doing is playing.in the garden, its not like she can see them with all the shrubbery and I maintain shes making it up half the time.

Now she has sent me a letter saying that she is putting up a camera outside her house and if she catches my sons in her garden again she will go to the police because I cant control my children!

Can anyone give me any advice on how to handle this old battleaxe because I am at my wits end with her!!!

Ickle Magoo

My advice would be to ensure your children no longer trespass on her property - and then she'll have no call to have any contact with you. Your kids have no right going into her garden and I think you, as their parent, have to step up to the mark and make that clear to them because your post, rather unbelievably, makes it sound like your kids should have a right of access to someone else's property.

She has every right to her privacy and to have some peace and quiet...and I'd warrant she doesn't get much of either with a couple of six yr old lads tearing about her garden - I can't believe you actually gave out to her for daring to ask children that have no right to be in her garden, to leave. As harsh as it sounds - that you have a house which doesn't have a garden is not her problem, she is not responsible for ensuring your children have greenery to play on.

You, on the other-hand, are very much responsible for your children, what they're up to and where they go and I think you need to make it clear this lady's garden is off-limits.

All the best.

Ellsbells

The kids have no right to be on her property unless invited. Have you considered putting down some lawn for them to play at in your own house?

I also think 6 is very young to be playing out of your sight behind 'high walls' and big trees. Your neighbOur doesn't want the responsibility of 2 small children on her property and IMHO she is right. They are your kids to entertain - not hers!!

whatdoicare

This has to be a troll- no way the OP could possibly think that she has a right to go onto someone elses property and that he/she can harrass some innocent woman like that?

OP, you and your kids have zero right to be on that lady's property (yes, her garden is her property), you are completely in the wrong for approaching her about it. The lady is 100% right to put up gates and to tell your boys to keep out of her garden.

She would also be completely right to call the Gardai if you keep insisting otherwise and she has you on camera coming onto her property.

What world are you living in that you would think that you can go into someone elses garden whenever you like?


You owe her for the damaged flowers too, BTW.



Also, I'm really concerned that you aren't watching your kids when they go outside, they're only six!

Big Bag of Chips

Can anyone give me any advice on how to handle this old battleaxe because I am at my wits end with her!!!

You can handle her, by respecting her and her property and teaching your children to do the same.

Your kids played there when it was a vacant property... Fair enough. They weren't bothering anyone.

Now somebody lives there so you have to tell your kids that they are not allowed in there anymore, whether she is there or not, because it is someone else's house.

I have a 6 year old boy. I regularly tell him he's not allowed do something, and I give him the reasons why. He understands and doesn't do it.

You seem to think that because your kids were "there first", she should just put up with it? If you wanted your kids to always have the garden to play in, you should have bought the house.

Lollipops23

owhmk wrote: »

Can anyone give me any advice on how to handle this old battleaxe because I am at my wits end with her!!!

yes, handle it by teaching your kids about respecting other people's privacy and property.

I honestly can't see your point of view- just because your garden has no grassy patch for them to play on does NOT permit them to take over someone's garden. If I don't have a nice pair of earrings, I can't go nicking my friend's without her permission. Do you get it now? It'd be different if the woman gave them permission, but I totally understand why she might like to guard her privacy (I'm the same actually, my home is my castle).

Wise up and take this chance to teach your little men a good life lesson.

deisemum

It is not your property it's the woman's home and garden.

You have no respect for her or for her property so I can see why your children have no respect either, the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree.

She has every right to report you and your children to the gardai and I think at 6 your children are too young for you to let them out and not watch them.

ABajaninCork

Surely, the OP is a joke, right??

I cannot believe that someone in their right mind would demand that their kids be allowed to play in someone else's property, just because they don't have a garden of their own??

If you have only concrete in your garden, why not invest in some Astroturf or some kind of surface for your kids to play on? They should be playing in YOUR garden or in front of YOUR house where you can keep an eye on them. No wonder your neighbour is annoyed...

In any case, I agree with the other posters. Why are you letting two small boys play out of your sight? That's beyond crazy to me.

If I were you OP, I'd look to build some bridges as you'll be neighbours for a while. Start by apologising for your boys, take over a bottle of wine/chocolates as a peace offering, and most importantly KEEP YOUR KIDS AWAY FROM HER HOUSE!!!

The Lovely Muffin

Is the OP for real? I am struggling to believe that a grown woman actually believes that her two young sons have the right and entitlement to go into another person's garden and play there. It is shocking.

OP neither you nor your children have any rights or entitlements to go into this woman's garden to play.

It is up to you, not your neighbour to provide your children to greenery to play on. If you want to them play on greenery, why not have greenery in your own garden?

Your neighbour is 100% in the right to ask you and your sons to stay off her property, I don't blame her for installing camera's and letting you know that she will be going to the guards if you don't keep your children off her property.

By telling you that she has installed camera's and is going to the guards if you don't keep your children off her property she is giving you a chance to sort it out before she takes any more action. At least now, if you don't listen to her and you continue to allow your children to trespass on her private property you know you can expect the guards to contact you, it won't come as a complete surprise.

Just because your children used the garden/greenery as a play area before this woman moved in, does not for one second mean that they/you have rights or entitlements to play/use the garden/greenery, you don't.

Like another poster here, I'm concerted that you don't watch your boys when they are outside playing, they are only six years old, far, far too young to be left outside alone on their own, especially where there are bushes/walls/gates.

Anything, absolutely anything could happen to your sons when they are outside you need to keep a closer eye on them - not just for safety - but for when they go into this woman's garden, you should go over and take them out of her garden.

You need to be more firm with your children and tell them that they are not allowed to play in her garden and if they don't listen to you, punish them.

By punishment I mean ground them for a couple of hours/day, take toys off them, take treats off them.

Eg, if they are allowed ice cream after dinner - don't let them have it.

They will soon get the message that if they want their treats/toys etc they have to do as they are told and if they don't do as they are told, they get their treats/toys etc taken off them.

I know it's not nice having to do that to children, but they need to learn they cannot get their own way all the time and if you have already tried telling/explaining to them that they cannot go into this woman's garden and they aren't listening/are ignoring you, then it's time for some tough love.

looksee

Totally agree with everything the others have said, and if you can't control 6 year olds, then its going to hell living near you when they are 16.

Raminahobbin

I can't believe the OP is serious, but just in case...

Surely OP you can understand the woman has a right to her own garden and has the right to have a say in who is in it? Even purely from a legal point of view- if anything were to happen your sons while in her garden, SHE would be the one in trouble. She's probably terrified that they are going to break a leg or something and you are going to kick up stink.

I'd actually go so far as to say you and your boys are bullying her. I'd feel pretty angry/frustrated/scared in a similar circumstance. Angry and frustrated because you are being totally unreasonable, and scared because of how litigious everyone is becoming. Cop on and reign your kids in, leave the woman alone.

mackeire

you and your family sound like problem neighbours.
it it was my house that your obnoxious kids kept coming in to, id leave my dog in the garden!

Taltos

All - please no more posts calling the OP into question. If you think a thread is a troll report it - accusing an OP in the manner above is viewed at best as off-topic and at worst as flaming and both are breaches of our charter and so can and do result in mod action.

Any further posts in this style will leave us with little recourse.

Thanks
Taltos

Neyite

I'd be interested to know OP, who would you blame if one of your boys fell out of your neighbours tree and broke his arm? Would it be "her" property then? Who would be responsible for the lack of supervision?

If you want your boys to play amongst trees and bushes then bring them to the park or a local wood, or create a garden of your own.

You owe this lady a big apology.

ennis81

This is actually laughable, teach your children to respect other peoples property and possesions it will serve them well throughout their lifes, This lady doesn't have to like your kids or care about where they play because they are not her children or grandchildren and she doesn't know you, I'm not surprised she has gotten so annoyed. Stop your kids from playing on her property and apologise to the woman

LegacyUser

First off im deadly serious. You do not know what this woman is like she talks about my kids like they are murderers

the option to buy that big house was not there my husband was left the house we live in now by his aunt otherwise we would still be renting.

And i resent so many people sayin i do not watch my kids prop. They are street smart little boys they know when to cross the road and not to talk to strangers. I have to give them some freedom i wont be one of those mothers hovering over her kids whereever they go.

I do not think my children have a right to that garden but its huge and half of it is bushes and shrubbery you think she would just let them play away in it. Its not like she can see them the house is an older one and has high bay windows and thats why i do not believe the "your kids were lookin in my windows" part .

Dont know why im being painted as the bad one. She cant just roar at my kids when she likes

Danniboo

Well it's not surprising your children don't respect you or listen to you as you clearly have no respect for your elders. Calling this lady a battleaxe is so disrespectful, she is probably entering retirement and bought this house looking for some peace and quiet to enjoy her later years. She is entitled to do so and you have no right treating her and her property in such a manner.

mikemac1

People are frightened of being sued and small children jumping and climbing around the place are going to fall
All children fall, there isn't a child in Ireland that hasn't had bruises and cuts and scrapes at some stage
But obnoxious parents sue, blame compo cultre
And the elderly couple know what you are like

They are very upset they cant play in there anymore it’s a nice big garden with grass wheres our one is all cement and they used to play hide and seek in the big bushes.

So they were there first is your argument?
A farmer owned the land your estate is built on, it doesn't mean he can trepass on it now
There first is a ridiculous argument

two 6 years olds
I cant watch them 24/7
its not like she can see them with all the shrubbery

So basically nobody can see them
They are mighty young to be off doing this

wheres our one is all cement

Hire a contractor, it's not a big job to put down grass

How is she making YOUR life hell? - you are the one letting your kids trespass on her property. Its irrelevant whether they used to play there before she moved in, its her place now and she is perfectly entitled to ban them from her garden. Surely come common sense is called for here?

You say she "hates" your kids - why do you have an issue with this? newsflash - not everyone likes kids, theres no need to be precious about it.

I make no apologies about saying that I would go mental if there were kids messing about and running riot around my garden - its my garden, a tiny space in this world that i can call mine, my little haven - I probably have called your kids "brats" too if they ran riot in mine - its up to you to prove to her that they are not brats by showing her that they respect her privacy and stay out of her garden.

bronte

My God the entitlement.
It's her property!
Do you have any idea how annoying it is to have noisy children running around when you want a bit of peace? This woman is completely within her rights to want her garden to herself. She sounds like she's at her wits end with you and your inability to control your children.

Respect her privacy.

owhmk

owhmk wrote: »

you try telling two 6 years olds not to do something they wont listen and I cant watch them 24/7!

You need to start stepping up to your parental responsibility.
At 6 you have some opportunity, to teach your children how to behave respectfully.
If you don't take it soon, your all in for a world of trouble as they get older.

Daisy M

Ha ha this is hilarious, my advice to you op is to learn to say no to your children, if you can not manage to do this by yourself then I suggest you do some parenting courses which may give you the tools to do so.

On the off chance that the neighbour reads this post then my advice to her would be, plant lots and lots of nettles that way these children will learn a lesson their parent seems to not want to teach them.

LegacyUser

I too am in amazement at your belief of entitelment here, it just dumbfounds me more than anything else I have read here in a while.

Your two little kids are trespassing and if I were in her shoes as well as screaming blue murder at them I would take a few photos and get onto the cops somewhat sharpish.

She has every right to live unmolested and free from little children running screaming around her garden. I know I was one of these kids and I got the fright of my life one day when the homeowner grabbed me by the throat and threatened to call the cops. My folks were embarrassed as hell and I got the hiding of my life, last time I did anything like that.

You really need to take the kids in hand here and if you cannot manage then I agree with the others seek a parenting course or something. In the meantime you need to crawl back and beg for forgiveness, I have no idea why she hasn't called the cops yet but it's only a matter of time before she does, not sure how you feel about the cops calling to your house or social services to deal with yoru "street smart kids". Brats more like, dumbfounded here.

ChubbyHubby

Owhmk wrote: »

And i resent so many people sayin i do not watch my kids prop. They are street smart little boys they know when to cross the road and not to talk to strangers. I have to give them some freedom i wont be one of those mothers hovering over her kids whereever they go.

That's probably the same attitude most bad mothers from counsel estate areas have to justify not minding their kids.

I do not think my children have a right to that garden but its huge and half of it is bushes and shrubbery you think she would just let them play away in it. Its not like she can see them the house is an older one and has high bay windows and thats why i do not believe the "your kids were lookin in my windows" part .

They're kids, they will always get up to no good and you and your kids are not entitled to the use of the garden no matter how big it is. It's private property. Had you any sort of respect for other people's property yourself and went over to say hello, made friends and asked for permission to have your kids run around in the garden then it might have been ok. It's probably too late now even if that would've worked. The old lady probably see you as a bit of a nightmare of a neighbour.

Dont know why im being painted as the bad one. She cant just roar at my kids when she likes

What gives your kids the right to run around in private property and you the right to give out to someone not letting them do what they like?

Owhmk

Owhmk wrote: »

I do not think my children have a right to that garden but its huge and half of it is bushes and shrubbery you think she would just let them play away in it.
....
Dont know why im being painted as the bad one. She cant just roar at my kids when she likes

The size of the garden or its state doesn't matter - your boys aren't welcome there and they will get shouted at if they are found there.

You need to stop your boys from entering it.

thefeatheredcat

Owhmk wrote: »

she talks about my kids like they are murderers

And how do your children talk to her? I mean in fairness, she goes away, has a gate to secure her property and yet you ALLOW your children to still trespass on her property while she is away. No wonder she is mad at you and your children and I think she has every right to be angry.

Your kids have had the joy of that garden for years since I assume as toddlers; YOU are the parent. You must parent your children and state to them that they MUST respect the owner's wishes and not to go in there for any reason whatsoever. And you must ensure your children understand that that garden is out of bounds; and you yourself must understand that there are boundaries in life and your neighbour has outlined a boundary that her garden is off-limits to your children and to you and respect that boundary. And I think you need to start taking being told No for an answer without quarrelling and start teaching that to your children that if they are told no, they cannot go into her garden and that it does not give them grounds to be upset with the owner and to understand that No means No and will not be altered by any means of protest or guilt trips or tantrums.

The chances are if you make an effort with your neighbour to apologise and stop your children from going into her garden she will be less likely to give out and more open to getting to know you and your children and who knows maybe even might allow them at some point in the future to play in the garden. However, that is up to her at her discretion and her choice to offer such an invitation to your children.

Owhmk wrote: »

I do not think my children have a right to that garden but its huge and half of it is bushes and shrubbery you think she would just let them play away in it. Its not like she can see them the house is an older one and has high bay windows and thats why i do not believe the "your kids were lookin in my windows" part .

So what? So what if her garden is huge? It's not YOUR garden. That garden is part of her property. It doesn't matter that the garden is huge full of shrubs and bushes for the kids to play in. It's not on your property, it's not common green, it's private property. I really don't understand why you think it's perfectly right and ok for the children to play there without any sort of permission whatsoever from the owner? And to deliberately let your children play there despite the fact the owner has asked them not to.

The problem here is not your neighbour - it's your outlook and mentality. If the children have no where to play, that is NOT your neighbour's problem nor is it up to her to provide a sufficient place for them to play and feel obligated to monitor her house and what your children are doing and forced to keep an eye of them on her property. Your neighbour's garden is not the solution and this situation with your kids not having anywhere to play is simply not your neighbour's problem; that's your problem as a parent to address; take it up with the council, investigate play areas, consider altering your own property. Do whatever except bully and guilt trip and harass a neighbour into permitting your children that you are responsible for to play in her garden.

Lollipops23

Owhmk wrote: »

I do not think my children have a right to that garden but its huge and half of it is bushes and shrubbery you think she would just let them play away in it.

Let me ask you this OP:
If some randomer came into your home,plonked themselves down in front of your telly and ate some of your food and said "ah sure, there's plenty to go round, it's not like I'm in your way" would you be ok with it? Because it's the same mentality as you're using to justify your little angels' presence in this woman's home. (and yes, her garden is part of her home, she's trying to take pride in it by planting some new flowers and fix its overgrown state).

I really can't get my head around your sense of entitlement here. That's her patch, you have yours. You play the hand you're dealt.

Dravokivich

Here's a option for you OP, take your kids to a park to run around in. There are lots of them.

Owhmk wrote: »

And i resent so many people sayin i do not watch my kids prop. They are street smart little boys they know when to cross the road and not to talk to strangers. I have to give them some freedom i wont be one of those mothers hovering over her kids whereever they go.

Also, just to comment on this piece. They are 6, any signs of what you determine to be "Street Smart" is more likely a lack of respect. You shouldn't be giving them any freedom either, they need boundaries.

2rkehij30qtza5

The OP has to be a troll. No way could anyone think they have a right to allow their children trespass on someone else's property! Big deal if her garden is huge...it's HER garden and not yours!!!!! Get REAL!!! Teach your kids to respect other people's properties and boundaries.
I don't even know why I am advising on this as the OP cannot be serious posting an outlandish thing like this!!!!

LegacyUser

I can understand in a small way OP that it can be hard to change your habits when you've been use to things being one way and then they are not. The house being empty for so many years and then occupied means having to adjust. I moved house a few years back to a house that had been empty and the guy next door had got use to parking his car in my drive way. He thought he could continue to do that because he'd always done it and I didn't a car. Needless to say I and his wife did not view it this way. If this woman wanted kids running around her garden she'd let them in, she doesn't want them so keep your kids out.

Owhmk wrote: »

I do not think my children have a right to that garden but its huge and half of it is bushes and shrubbery you think she would just let them play away in it. Its not like she can see them the house is an older one and has high bay windows and thats why i do not believe the "your kids were lookin in my windows" part .

OP it doesn't matter how big or small her garden is the key word here is it is her garden. She has the right to stop people coming on to her property. End of story. While you might have got use to having an empty house being there for years the facts are the house is now occupied and is no longer your kids playground. Just because in your eyes the garden is big enough and overgrown enough that she should just let the kids play there has nothing to do with it, it's her garden, she clearly doesn't have kids and has no plans to run a day care in her yard for yours or anyone elses kids so stop letting your kids run wild and be a parent.

I could see your point OP if it was a common area she was trying to stop them playing on but it's not common it's private and your kids have no right to be there.

Owhmk wrote: »

Dont know why im being painted as the bad one. She cant just roar at my kids when she likes

If they are coming into her garden when you've been told repeatedly they are not allowed well yes she can roar at your kids. If I was her I'd roar as well

ABajaninCork

Owhmk wrote: »

First off im deadly serious. You do not know what this woman is like she talks about my kids like they are murderers

the option to buy that big house was not there my husband was left the house we live in now by his aunt otherwise we would still be renting.

And i resent so many people sayin i do not watch my kids prop. They are street smart little boys they know when to cross the road and not to talk to strangers. I have to give them some freedom i wont be one of those mothers hovering over her kids whereever they go.

I do not think my children have a right to that garden but its huge and half of it is bushes and shrubbery you think she would just let them play away in it. Its not like she can see them the house is an older one and has high bay windows and thats why i do not believe the "your kids were lookin in my windows" part .

Dont know why im being painted as the bad one. She cant just roar at my kids when she likes

No, she can't. But you're not entitled to let your little darlings run riot in her garden either. No matter how street smart they might be. Why can't they play where you live? The house was left to your husband. Therefore, I assume it's mortgage free? Why can't you invest in a decent play area for your kids? That's the part I don't get.

Stop playing the victim card. It's ridiculous. Start taking responsibility by teaching your kids boundaries and manners.

Ickle Magoo

OP - if you re-read the thread, ignore the consensus and still think the woman is in the wrong for wishing to choose who has access to her property, then there is nothing more we can say. Let her contact the Gardai and they'll inform you of the rights and wrongs.

As the thread is going around in circles & OP is ignoring the advice on offer, I'm locking.