My boyfriend has gone on holidays for a month and he's in the company of just women!

LegacyUser

My boyfriend is away for a month on an adventure holiday tour in South America. I'm delighted for him and I wish I could have gone but I was unable to go for financial reasons and my job. We already spent a few weeks holidaying together in Europe before he left and it was wonderful. I live in the UK and he lives in Dublin and I'm hoping to move to Dublin in the next year (this makes the most sense for a number of reasons). We met while on holidays in France over a year ago and have been going out since. We're both in our late 20's.


He's half way through the tour. He's not able to get online very often so I might only hear from him twice a week. Fair enough. I probably shouldn't have asked, but I did ask if there are any guys on the trip at all. I found out that the other people on this tour are all women. He mentioned that there just happens to be another girl from Dublin on the tour also working in the same industry as him back home (he didn't know her before). I'm trying to be logical about this, but I feel so insecure about it!

You might say that if I trust him, then it shouldn't matter. But I'm worried that he's in the company of really cool women full time for a month - he might develop feelings etc for one of them - especially the one who works in the same industry as they would have lots in common. I'm trying to hide the fact that yes I am jealous about it (possibly due to an incident involving a female friend who kissed him and told him she loved him last year... which I forgave as he chose me and also she came onto him... seeing as I did forgive this I will not mention it again to him).

How do I get over these feelings of jealousy because I don't want to destroy this relationship!? thank you!

Ickle Magoo

Hey there,

As each thread in PI/RI is for responses to the poster that posted it - I've given you your own thread.

All the best. :cool:

P. Breathnach

I can't see it doing any harm if you tell him, preferably in a light enough way, that the prospect of his being in the company of so many women scares you a little. It's okay to invite reassurance in circumstance like this.

Another way to look at things is as a test of his commitment to you. If he stays loyal, then you can have more confidence that your uprooting yourself to live in Ireland is worthwhile.

LegacyUser

Firstly, you don't have any control over someone else's thoughts, feelings or actions. I know it's easy to say that when you're being objective. Secondly, you're making a lot of assumptions here. Where I work there is only one guy. I consider us to be close, we talk a lot, have shared interests....and we do the same job. Am I attracted to him? No.

Lorna123

You have absolutely no control over this situation OP so stop fretting. He will come back to you if he loves you enough and if he doesn't then it is best to find out sooner rather than later.

My guess is that he will be fed up of this crowd of women after a month and be dying to get home to see you.

Keep the conversation lighthearted and don't zone in on the other women.

dannyc31

i wouldnt say you're being overly jealous here. its perfectly understandable to feel the way you do. men can be weak, and girls can be bitches chasing after a taken man, but if he loves you he wont do anything while over there and instead will just enjoy the travelling and treat the other girls as friends.

it really is out of your hands, but imo you seem like a really cool girl to be ok with your bf heading off for a month like this, he should appreciate you for this as there are alot of gf's who would never give there boyfriend that level of freedom in a serious relationship. coming from a man's point of view, thats a really big thing for most men.

LegacyUser

Of course you're jealous anyone in your position would be, especially if there has been an issue in the past.

Is this group hiking the Amazon or are they travelling around cities? The reason I ask is that the girls will more than likely like to check out the local cuisine to be honest. Another post said he will probably b sick of them after a while which I agree with. Men don't (honestly) like the company of women for more than a few hrs here and there (with the exception of family and GFs). Don't worry about this Dublin girl, I can't imagine anything more boring than meeting a guy with the same background, job and interests as me so I wouldn't worry about that.


I have been in your situation so i know how you feel; absolutely nauseated with the stress. Have a glass of wine and let future you deal with it, if there even is anything to deal with

Best wishes xx

LegacyUser

I wanted to thank you all for your replies! I'm going to do my best not to worry and what will be will be. I would like some sort of reassurance that he's not falling in love with anyone there but I will do my best to hold my tongue. Thanks again.

nicolaleon

my boyfriend of 5 years is gone on an adventure motorcycle trip on his own through mexico all the way down to the tip of south america... it should take about 3 months, i couldnt go because we have a 4yr old son ... he went on his own not in a group but i understand how you feel... its really hard for someone you love to go away for so long but look... if he didnt do it he would regret it for the rest of his life... and while hes away getting some life experience you should have fun like go out with friends go to the beach go camping go to a concert... just keeping yourself busy will make time fly especially if your enjoying it... if he cheats (especially at a time like this when trust is pushed to the limits ) then he wasnt worth it to begin with... DONT ring him crying about the other girls... when you do talk he wants to hear from the fun happy girl who loves and trust him... it will make him miss you all the more... be positive... a month will fly by

dearg lady

justanidea wrote: »

Men don't (honestly) like the company of women for more than a few hrs here and there (with the exception of family and GFs).

Ridiculous point, I have plenty of male friends.

Op, if I were in your shoes I would talk to my OH about it, not have a row, or get in a strop, just an adult conversation explaining that you feel a bit jealous, but you trust him, and leave it at that. Then, the hard bit, try to put it out of your mind and keep busy. I prefer to say it, and get it out in the open, but not make a big deal about it.

Piliger

Hi OP. Jealousy can be a cancer on relationships and lead to tragic heartache.

When we love our partner NONE of us likes when times come when we feel they might be tempted away. That is completely natural. What it comes down to is what you do with these feelings.

The problem comes when we consider acting on those feelings. if we truly love someone then we must trust them and accept that we are jealous because we love them, but we are lucky because they have chosen to be with us. And we have to accept that there are and always will be risks. We cannot own someone or keep them chained up or control their lives. That would be just paranoid and destructive. I believe that in life, there are no guarantees. That's not the way life works. We take risks, and we accept that if things go wrong then we just deal with it and move on.

I would say just accept your feelings and deal with them by reassuring yourself and staying busy. He'll be back soon and it can all be forgotten.

tmc86

Hi OP,

I'm in a very similar situation to yourself.

I met my girlfriend 9 months ago and I've been the happiest I've ever been since. At the moment she is away in the US for 3.5 weeks, she's then back a week and off to Switzerland on a course for 2 months following that I think she will end up working there till next March or April.

It's incredibly difficult being the one who is at home and has to get on with routine and work and obviously there are the good days and the bad days.

As one poster said, while they are away you need to sound happy and chatty when you ring them because the last thing you want to do is start a fight when they are away having a good time. Obviously this is much harder said than done I know the jealous paranoid thoughts can creep into your head and then snowball so it's up to you to push these back out and reassure yourself.

Keeping busy is the main thing and creating things to look forward to, then the time will fly. Try to be positive, I'm having a hard time doing this at the moment but you'll only end up overthinking and weighing yourself down.

Hope it starts to get easier for you OP, chin up and just focus on the date he is home so you have something to look forward to.

T