Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Need advise

  • 22-06-2012 12:07am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,
    I was just wondering is it possible to remain friends with a person if you fall in love with them, would you consider it over. The other person maybe suspects but has never been told. We are extremely close and go to college together.
    I know so many people go through this, but its so hard to move on, its been a while now and cant get rid of these feelings, no matter what I do. Would you cut contact?


Comments

  • #2
    Lorna123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,116 ✭✭✭Lorna123


    borderlinemad wrote: »
    Hi,
    I was just wondering is it possible to remain friends with a person if you fall in love with them, would you consider it over. The other person maybe suspects but has never been told. We are extremely close and go to college together.
    I know so many people go through this, but its so hard to move on, its been a while now and cant get rid of these feelings, no matter what I do. Would you cut contact?

    Have you ever had a relationship with this other person or is that you have fallen in love with them but they have no idea of your feelings?


  • #3
    P. Breathnach
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,089 ✭✭✭✭P. Breathnach


    I take it that there is no chance that this person would reciprocate your love?


  • #4
    victoriaa
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 195 ✭✭victoriaa


    I think you should tell him/her about your feelings. It's not fair for the other to be cut off all of a sudden without any reasonable explanation. Especially since you said you too are close and all. If your friend reciprocates your feelings, than it's all good - take the relationship to another level. If not, it's not the end of the world. You at least tried and you got rid of the what if thoughts that were probably haunting you all the time. In the case you get the we should be friends response.. then it's time to take some time away from that person and cut off all contact. You said that you too are friends and you probably don't want to hurt the friendship but are you really content with how things are going right now? Either way, expressing your feelings will just help you figure out what to do next. Good luck!


  • #5
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    borderlinemad wrote: »
    Hi,
    I was just wondering is it possible to remain friends with a person if you fall in love with them, would you consider it over. The other person maybe suspects but has never been told. We are extremely close and go to college together.
    I know so many people go through this, but its so hard to move on, its been a while now and cant get rid of these feelings, no matter what I do. Would you cut contact?

    Hey there OP.

    IME it is very difficult to carry on a friendship when one of the parties has romantic feelings for the other...especially if it isn't/isn't ever going to be reciprocated. Them getting involved with other people or the constant pang of being unfulfilled and unable to discuss it with them just erodes self-esteem and builds a wall between you - which isn't healthy for you or them.

    For your own good I think you'd be better off doing one of two things - either tell them and get definitive resolution one-way or the other, or cut contact so you have the space to move on.

    All the very best.


  • #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi,
    thank so much for all the advise.

    I already know they dont feel the same about me, it came up before, there is very good reason for this, which I dont wish to go into.
    I feel so bad if I dont see them again, and not say why, I was thinking I would have to do this slowly so it would not be so bad on either one of us.
    the other person is travelling soon after college, so this may be the perfect time I think.
    It is going to hurt so much, but mainly cause I will have lost a very good friend. It is a horrible situation to be in, and one I have not experienced before. But I see how bad it is for me and them, and I am unhappy and I wont find anyone else. I think I need some time on my own to figure this all out. Cant wait until I can look back and feel nothing, and be happy in my own life.


  • Advertisement
Advertisement