friends for years , could she ever see me as more ?

ricky_spanish

hey , apoligies in advance for waffling
im 25 got out of a messy relationship last august she left a mark on me and i lost some close friends. Since then ive sworn off women and have just had tunnel vision for making a drastic career move in the uk and just getting over there. The other week me and a friend were talking and i basically said i want nothing to do with women right now , the career move well i wont even call it that .. the lifestyle im going for is all that matters right nowand just kinda said how sad it is falling round clubs the wknd and living your life through facebook and that i want more from life .. i went home and checked my e-mail and there was a mail from a girl i hadnt seen or heard from in three and a half years .. i had to smirk at this given what id just said .. i believe you make your own way but that everynow and again life brings you to points where you choose from a few paths or opportunitys pop up if you know what i mean ........

ricky_spanish

The girl in question is english , we met when we were backpacking/working overseas years ago , i was 18 she was 21/ when we first met , when we first met an older friend saw something i didnt and said she likes you make a move , me being a kid and a chicken**** with women didnt sheended up going out with a local who ended up being like my big brother when i was there and she was a really close friend .. i would everynow and again look at her and think "shes fit" or "shed make a cool girlfriend" but that was about it .. i remeber her bf telling me she said she thought that id never had a gf which pissed me off a bit .. the last time we seen each other i was 21 .. wed had no contact since

ricky_spanish

In the email she told me she was gonna be working on a farm in limerick for a few days and could we meet up , i rang her and we spoke for 40 mins im normally a 2 min phone cally guy .. we met up the next day the day before she was going home and just hung around for 6 hours went for dinner , coffee driving round the place ... when she would laugh without sounding like a sap i was genuinely taken back by how beautiful she is . But the back and forths of our conversations make me wonder could she ever see me as a man and potential boyfriend or will she always see me a goofy kid and be forever trapped in the friendzone ...

ricky_spanish

She was laughing and said "i havent laughed this much in a while .. i guess you bring out my silly side" i could see the pros and cons of that sentence .. when i told her i was showing the new guys at work around she laughed i shot her a serious look and goes "whys that funny" i think she got the msg from the look and looked abit sheepish and goes "dunno just cant imagine you showing people around" .. she mentioned something about me after changing but didnt elaborate and i didnt ask , she didnt mention her love life i mentioned one or two bits in passing she didnt seem interested and didnt ask .. she told me how she feels lonely sometimes back home , made a random point about guys using escorts and how she now believes all guys are like that i just looked at her and said you cant tar everyone bla bla ..fair enough she was living on a farm house when she said "i dont wanna go back i could just stay and talk to you all night" .. she still remembered what my dad did and some of the personal stuff i had told her and she told me some family problems shes having at the mo .. whenever id tease her she go "shut up" and smile you know the way english girls do .. when i dropped her off there was no hug or kiss good bye we re nort touchy feely people she just looked at me and goes real slow "sooo .. when will i see you again ?"

ricky_spanish

i know she cares about me and i know our paths will cross again down the line .. id just hate to make a move get shot down and imagine her and her ex who i dont have contact with anymore having a laugh about it .. im also unsure if a woman being able to open up to you is a good thing or they view you as like their gay best friend

tbh

ricky_spanish wrote: »

id just hate to make a move get shot down and imagine her and her ex who i dont have contact with anymore having a laugh about it

If you genuinely think she's that type of person, why would you want to be with her?

Look man, it sounds like she might like you and all, I'd deffo make the effort to meet up with her again, but see what you said above there? That kind of attitude (everybodys out to screw me) - that comes across to other people, and it's not attractive. You sound like you're a bit intimidated by her to be honest.

ricky_spanish

na i dont think shes like that .. that just me , like i said in the first post the ex did a bit of damage
spot on advice though

tbh

ricky_spanish wrote: »

na i dont think shes like that .. that just me , like i said in the first post the ex did a bit of damage
spot on advice though

fair enough, i understand - but the atitude still comes across tho.if you want to be with her, you're gonna have to put yourself out there. If it helps, it *does* sound like she might be interested. I wouldn't panic about making the move just yet tho, sure see her again and see what kind of vibe you get.

Janey_Mac

Sadly, there are no rules for these situations. Stop trying to read into things. A woman opening up to a man neither means that she fancies him nor means that she sees him as a friend only; it just means that she wants to tell him stuff.

All the overthinking and Boards posts in the world won't tell you if she might be interested in going out with you. There is only one way to find out.

You need to do two things:

1. Ask her out (and make it clear you mean on a date and not to hang out as friends.)

2. Accept whatever answer she gives you.

I know it's not easy, but it's the only way to do it without overthinking yourself into knots, reading too much or too little into every word and glance and gesture and ending up in too deep without knowing if it's reciprocated.

ricky_spanish

nice one for the posts , i know ye re both right ..
just one thing i wanna hear more about , does a girl opening up to you or talking about her problems etc mean your friendzoned ? .. in my experience its a yes but id like to hear from the girls or the master jedis on here .. cheers

tbh

ricky_spanish wrote: »

just one thing i wanna hear more about , does a girl opening up to you or talking about her problems etc mean your friendzoned ?s

yes mate. No girl you're ever having sex with will confide in you - simple common sense. Listen to yourself!

Janey_Mac

ricky_spanish wrote: »

nice one for the posts , i know ye re both right ..
just one thing i wanna hear more about , does a girl opening up to you or talking about her problems etc mean your friendzoned ? .. in my experience its a yes but id like to hear from the girls or the master jedis on here .. cheers

Listen very very carefully. I will say this once only and then I will reach out through the internet and smack you upside the head if you ignore it.

THERE IS NO UNIVERSAL GIRL BEHAVIOUR DECODER BECAUSE GIRLS ARE HUMAN BEINGS AND THEREFORE ALL DIFFERENT.

A girl opening up to you means one thing and one thing only: that particular girl, in that particular circumstance, made a decision to tell you things.

I have no insight into the mind of a complete stranger simply because we both have ovaries.

Her reasons might include trusting you platonically, and might include trusting you and fancying you, and might include an elaborate international conspiracy to earn your trust before turning you into a sleeper agent for the Illuminati. I have no idea.

My guess is that she likes you as a person. But there is no way to predict whether that signifies romantic or sexual interest. None. Anyone who tells you there is, or that "when girls do X it means Y" when it comes to complex interpersonal behaviour is delusional.

I am a friend

ricky_spanish wrote: »

na i dont think shes like that .. that just me , like i said in the first post the ex did a bit of damage
spot on advice though

But she is not your ex. You need to park the ex and realise not all women are like her.