How do I talk to girls on a night out?

lolfulbanter

Hey guys. Long story short, 23, virgin, never had a girlfriend and its starting to get to me. And yes, I know I'm not the only one, and I'm young and I'll find somebody when I least suspect it and all that, but the upshot of it is, I'd love a girlfriend and I'm lonely.

The main problem is, i dont know how to talk to girls when I'm on a night out. Now before I start, I'm not this sex pest out for what I can get, just wanting to shift all around me. Its just that I know I'm not going to meet anyone inside at home, and I have to get the confidence to start chattin girls on a night out.

I have loads of friends and I'm quite popular. I love meeting people and I'm well able to talk to people. But I have no confidence on a night out. I start the night with this "Whats the point" attitude, knowing that my mates will be chatting up girls and I'll just be there looking at them and feeling sorry for myself. I kind of think aswel that I'm only average looking. I'm also broad, not fat tho. I know that probably doesnt matter to girls and that ye like personality, but I'd just love to know how to talk to ye on a night out.

Girls, how do I talk to ye! Please help me! Thanks guys. Heres some love for ye

Lorna123

I would say chat to us just like you would chat to anyone else. We are just human like yourself. You have a hangup just because we are a different sex but all you have to do is chat to us like you would a mate.

lolfulbanter

I know, all my mates tell me that. I just have to get over this " theres no point" attitude. And can I ask you aswel, is personality a big thing for you, or does the guy have to be gorgeous? Thanks a mil for responding by the way. I really appreciate any advice I can get.

Lorna123

There is no way a guy has to be gorgeous in fact sometimes that can get in the way, I know that I just appreciate a nice genuine type of guy. You don't have to have a super personality just be able to string a sentence together. Don't think about it too much as that can be a drawback. Just say what comes naturally. You sound like a lovely guy, and should have no problems. Just remember you can't please all of the people all of the time but you can please some of them some of the time.

Piliger

Maybe some of the girls can suggest topics they like to chat about in those kinds of situations. Its always hard not to appear banal and not to think we are boring with the 'do you come here often' line ... :rolleyes:

lolfulbanter

Thanks a mil for that Lorna. Its a big help. I just have to get the bit of courage to say that first sentence I suppose. Thanks aswel Pilliger, some convo topics might be useful. Thanks for taking the time to reply guys. I REALLY do appreciate it, cos I'm stuck in a rut at the moment and just dont seem to be doing anything about it. Thanks guys. If anyone else has comments, please post. Thanks xx

LegacyUser

Every woman is different, no right answer. For me, humour is always good. Why not shock her and ask her to buy you a drink!! Or pull an old one "Have you the time?"
Don't over do it with trying, that's a killer! Also, compliments are a no no for me, well having just met you it would be. Start talking about the soccer to her in detail, delaying a question in return. If I was on the receiving end, I'd be laughing = winner!
Hope this little bit is helpful. I agree with trying not to think about it.
You don't need luck Think 'I'm awesome', but NOT in a cocky way!!

Tigger99

You sound like a lovely fella

A guy would def not have to be gorgeous, in fact like lorna said it can be a turn off. It can be intimidating for us girls if they are.

None of my ex's would have been conventionally good lucking, but i still fancied the pants off them, for me its more about personality

Start with "hello" and take it from there. I would hope that if a girl isnt interested she would be polite about it, but if she isn't, don't mind that type of behaviour, it says more about her than you.

P. Breathnach

OP, I think it is important that you bear in mind that the large majority of girls you meet will never be your girlfriend (that's not any kind of put-down: it's a matter of so many women, so little time).

My reason for pointing this out is to get you to focus of the reality that Lorna has already touched on: talk to girls as people, not as potential girlfriends. That should take some pressure off the conversation.

From time to time you might find yourself a bit more drawn to some particular girl. That's when it becomes a little more interesting and challenging. But it's easier to deal with the challenge when you have had some general practice in simply being in the company of girls and conversing with them.

A general point on conversation: the world needs listeners as well as talkers. You don't just "talk to girls"; you converse with them; that means that they talk too. One of the great conversational arts is asking the right questions to get somebody else to talk about themselves.

lolfulbanter

Guys i cant thank ye enough for all yere feedback. Really appreciate it. Just gotta pull the finger out and cop meself on and just talk! I do find it awful difficult, but i have to just go and do it. Jeep comments coming guys. Cheers to ye all. Xx

snotboogie

lolfulbanter wrote: »

Guys i cant thank ye enough for all yere feedback. Really appreciate it. Just gotta pull the finger out and cop meself on and just talk! I do find it awful difficult, but i have to just go and do it. Jeep comments coming guys. Cheers to ye all. Xx

You need to be more confident in yourself. There is no set way to achieve this, it's something you need to work out on your own. Sometimes it comes from personal success, a better social life, age in itself, improving your appearance or obviously more attention from women ( Chicken and egg I know!).
Women have a 6th sense for anxiety, anticipation of awkwardness and low self confidence. Despite what some may tell you these are a huge turnoff for women, more so than looks (within reason)!

Lorna123

Just go out and practice OP, the more you do it the more natural it will become and the easier it will get.

Elmidena

Lose the negative attitude for a start, just try and make small talk until you feel comfortable. If a girl is drunk or whatever she'll probably do a lot of the talking and it takes a bit of weight off (note: not saying ply them with drink or take advantage!) but try and practice lightly by being a bit talkative to staff when you're buying a newspaper or ciggies or anything. Even if you don't smoke, carry a cool lighter (unless you're not into smokers). That way if there's someone looking for a lighter and you step in it's an immediate conversation starter and you can bail at any time. I know you feel shy and awkward and don't know what to do or say, but that's what we all have to go through at some point, some are just good at faking or hiding it. If you hear girls talking about something you're interested in just join in. Worst that'll happen is you'll feel a little embarrassed for a few minutes and with drink nobody but you will know it ever happened. But you'll feel that much braver the next time you do it until it doesn't really matter anymore

Piliger

Hi OP. What you need to realise is that your (understandable) negative attitude causes you to exude negativity and girls 'small' that on you.
You need to become more confident and relaxed and while I know well how hard that is to do that .. you know what they say "fake it till you make it" .... well it works