To Contact Him Again?

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

Just need to get this off my chest. I'll keep it short.
I've been seeing this guy who's a few years younger than me (i'm 24) for a few months. He's quiet, shy and not out and I think this has affected us big time.

We get on well but haven't kissed in ages. I've often suggested going back to mine or going for a walk but lately he has been making excuses saying he has to go home, catch the last bus etc.

I told him last week that I really liked him and he said he liked me but he's not quite ready for anything serious yet. I said "okay that's fine" and we agreed to meet up again very soon.
I texted him a day later and haven't heard anything back. I then texted him again asking him was he still interested and still no reply. It's a horrible feeling when a person you like dosen't text you back. I'd rather he just told me straight up via text but he can't even seem to do that!

Should I give it another go and text him or even call him? ( We never called each other, only texts)
I'm prepared to take things slowly because i really do like him and we seem to get on really well. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks.

cartell_best

OP, If I could say? From my perspective I think you should try to read between the lines. You're 24 and he's a couple of years younger than you. A lot of men, be they gay or straight are at different levels when they are in their late teens to early 20's. Everyone progresses through different stages of their life at a rapid pace at an early age and it is with gradually maturity that they perceive things differently than they previously thought.

If I could be so bold as to suggest that you leave it there? Emotionally, you may both be on different levels at the moment and only time will change that.

Hope it works out

Goodshape

I'd give him a call.

I guess I was in a similar enough situation when I was 21 / 22 -- me being the quiet, shy, not-really-out-yet, younger guy -- and I appreciated the phone call at the time . Just text messages are too easily over-thought, and then dismissed.

toexpress

I think goodshape is probably right in that texts are not the best form of communication for matters of the heart and such emotional issues as these but at the same time how much do you put yourself out there before you say "I'm done". Fair though his point is it might be more for a friend than a boyfriend.

There was another thread on here about a similar situation recently and I think if someone is interested they make the effort. It could well be that he does like you but he needs to sort his own head first, based on the ages you mentioned he is likely to still be trying to figure out in his own head the various different bits and pieces we all had to go through when we were working out our sexuality.

But from your point of view clearly you would like something more with this guy and he isn't there yet so maybe just pull back for a bit and let him make some of the running now if he wants to.

DubArk

Hi OP I too remember been that age and not out, I was desperately shy, painfully so!! If you knew me now you wouldn’t believe me for a moment! It’s so difficult to have a relationship and plan anything when you’re not out and so young.

I would give him a call and try and reassure him that you will take things slowly and give him plenty of space. If he doesn’t respond then try to move on and find someone who is comfortable with themselves who has something to offer to you in a relationship. Your paths may cross in the future when he’s in a better place.

ninty9er

Awkward as it may be, just be his friend for now. Most successful relationships are built on successful friendships.

I was in a similar situation last year, but in the end he was better off with someone closer to his own age (and much happier). I still have the odd cuppa with him, but I don't hear from him regularly.

Maybe it's different in your case, but maybe, "if you [he] might want to just be friends, I [you] would like that because you're [he's] a good guy and I [you] like having a bit of craic with you [him]"

Take from that what you will. Nothing is really universal in situations like this.

ShanePouch

summersolstice wrote: »

Hey guys,

Just need to get this off my chest. I'll keep it short.
I've been seeing this guy who's a few years younger than me (i'm 24) for a few months. He's quiet, shy and not out and I think this has affected us big time.

We get on well but haven't kissed in ages. I've often suggested going back to mine or going for a walk but lately he has been making excuses saying he has to go home, catch the last bus etc.

I told him last week that I really liked him and he said he liked me but he's not quite ready for anything serious yet. I said "okay that's fine" and we agreed to meet up again very soon.
I texted him a day later and haven't heard anything back. I then texted him again asking him was he still interested and still no reply. It's a horrible feeling when a person you like dosen't text you back. I'd rather he just told me straight up via text but he can't even seem to do that!

Should I give it another go and text him or even call him? ( We never called each other, only texts)
I'm prepared to take things slowly because i really do like him and we seem to get on really well. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks.

I know this may not be what you want to hear, but if I were you I'd avoid any advice offered here, however well meaning. It has often been my experience that those who offer advice may be well meaning, but ultimately advice from strangers who really know nothing about the situation is probably worse than useless.

You have three options;

(1) Do Nothing and see what develops

(2) Discuss with the other person and decide together to give it a go

(3) Discuss with the other person and decide together to either wait or not give it a go

Only you can decided which of these three options to choose, and even if you choose (1) for now, you can choose (2) or (3) at any stage in the future.

No one here can make that choice for you, and lets all hope that whatever you decide it will be in the best interests of your long term happiness.

DubArk

ShanePouch wrote: »

I know this may not be what you want to hear, but if I were you I'd avoid any advice offered here, however well meaning. It has often been my experience that those who offer advice may be well meaning, but ultimately advice from strangers who really know nothing about the situation is probably worse than useless.

You have three options;

(1) Do Nothing and see what develops

(2) Discuss with the other person and decide together to give it a go

(3) Discuss with the other person and decide together to either wait or not give it a go

Only you can decided which of these three options to choose, and even if you choose (1) for now, you can choose (2) or (3) at any stage in the future.

No one here can make that choice for you, and lets all hope that whatever you decide it will be in the best interests of your long term happiness.

By your own statement therefore your advice must hold the same credence!?!

Useless.

ShanePouch

DubArk wrote: »

By your own statement therefore your advice must hold the same credence!?!

Useless.

Yes, had I offered any advice it would have been useless and I'd be the first to advise the OP to ignore it!.

I know assessing the options might seem like giving advice, but it isn't the same thing and to give advice I'd have to advise a specific course of action.

The only specific advice I gave was to ignore advice, however well meaning it might be offered.

Healthis

Sorry OP but he is not interested - him not texting back on two occasions makes it crystal clear.

This happened to me a few years ago, the guy was four years younger than me, (I'm 23) and the chap wasn't out and didn't know what he wanted, he stopped texting too. I decided after that that I would never date anyone who was more than 2 years younger than me, due to different levels of maturity etc.

I wouldn't text him again OP, the ball is in his court now, let him do the running. If he is interested in meeting again then he WILL contact you.

DubArk

ShanePouch wrote: »

Yes, had I offered any advice it would have been useless and I'd be the first to advise the OP to ignore it!.

I know assessing the options might seem like giving advice, but it isn't the same thing and to give advice I'd have to advise a specific course of action.

The only specific advice I gave was to ignore advice, however well meaning it might be offered.

I don’t get that…… by you own admission… you have advised none the less, like any of us here who have replied to the OP, who specifically asked for advice! You’re contradicting yourself no matter what way you decide to parcel it up.

Maybe it is the case that your advice is wiser then the rest of us but id still respect the others who have contributed here and allow the OP to decide who they wish to heed.

baby and crumble

Play nice, everyone!