Confused? Just under the weather or depressed?

LegacyUser

I'm going unregged for this one. It's after taking me ages to build up the courage to even write this up so if I ramble, I'm sorry but please bare with me.

I'm in my mid 20's and a very positive person by nature. The last few weeks though I have found it very hard to get motivated about anything. I then at times have felt down. At times really down.

I'm not sure if I would say depressed because at times everything is fine, but at times I can get quite low.

I'm in a fantastic relationship with an amazing girl. I love her dearly. At the minute though I'm finding the relationship very hard with the way I'm feeling. At times I feel as though I'm not bothered and at times my partner can pick up on it. There are days where I want to just finish the relationship. I have had problems in the past accepting her past and generally being jealous about her ex boyfriends and it can really bother me. When I'm down I find myself dwelling on these things and making me feel even worse and then the more I can dwell on things. I'm not sure if the fact that I have dwelled on these things is what got me down in the first place?? Either way it's not very healthy! Plus my girlfriend is an amazing person and doesn't deserve it! She deserves to be happy!

I don't know what to do though? I feel as though I can't admit the way I'm feeling to anybody. I feel if I admit and tell my girlfriend how I feel she will instantly find me unattractive. I wouldn't be the happy positive go getter that she fell in love with and no matter what we would never be able to get back to where we where.

I also feel as though I can't tell anybody because nobody will understand. I will be looked as an attention seeker, an outcast and as though there is something wrong with me. I feel I will be told and expected to man up.

Plus if I do talk to anybody I'm admitting my feelings. At the minute I'm bottling everybody up and wearing a mask. Trying my best to make sure everything is ok and normal even though it's not. I can't keep this act up.

I'm not sure I'm even making sense here? So apologies. I just don't know what to be thinking or what to be doing?

Any advice or guidance?

Beruthiel

Nobody here is going to discuss whither you are just under the weather or depressed.
We are not qualified.
I'd suggest you go to your doctor and discuss this with them.

P. Breathnach

I'd echo Beruthiel's advice. We are not qualified to deal with the concerns you describe, and I would add the reminder that you are not qualified either - meaning that you should not try to deal with things yourself.

I don't see any reason why should not tell your girl friend that you are seeking help. She has already picked up on signs that things are not always right, and she should be relieved that you are trying to get it sorted. If the relationship is as good as you believe it is, then she should support you in this.

Don't fall into the macho trap of believing that you have to tough it out.

LegacyUser

Hi, OP again.

Sorry I see in my post that I'm rambling. I'm not asking whether people think I'm depressed or not although I can see it might come across that way.

I'm looking for advice on my realationship. Should I tell my girlfriend or what will I do?

Lorna123

I'd say go to your GP and explain what you just said here and see what he says. Maybe a talk with a Counsellor might help. I would do that before I say anything to your girlfriend as all this might pass over and you don't want to say anything you might regret later on. Best of Luck

pilph

I think the advice the others have given has been good. Going to see a doctor or a professional counsellor might help you unscramble the things in your head.

As regards your girlfriend's past, my experience is you either have to accept it & accept her, or think about ending the relationship, but explaining to her why. I once went out with someone where I could not accept something from the past & it was not fair on either of us.

These are just my thoughts on this, please do not take them as gospel :-) They may be a help to you right now. Best of luck!

Herrick

alphamle2509 wrote: »

I feel if I admit and tell my girlfriend how I feel she will instantly find me unattractive. I wouldn't be the happy positive go getter that she fell in love with and no matter what we would never be able to get back to where we where.

If you tell her and thats what happens then I'd see it as a bullet dodged if she goes off you because of how your feeling.

Relationships can never be all sunshine and lollipops 100% of the time. If she see won't stick by you in the bad times then what's the point in being together?

dannyc31

i'm not a doctor either but for you to be depressed ask yourself, are you actually feeling this sense of being low in everything in your every day life, work, family, hobbies etc, or is it just in regards the relationship? if you're finding you're down and low each day with everything and everyone i would seek medical help from your GP who might refer you to a counselor if he deems it necessary.

on the other hand if its just in regards the relationship i'd say its more frustration that you're feeling the way you are and thats getting you down hence resulting in you thinking you must be depressed because you should be feeling on top of the world with this nice girl.

this is were there is a major problem with us males not being able to talk about our feelings even to the people who care about us most. you need to talk to her about how you're feeling and try sort the problem together. women are much better communicators than us men and she might understand alot better than you realise. the last thing she will do if she cares about you, is judge you.

LegacyUser

Like others, I'm not qualified to give medical advice but I kinda am going through something similar.

I'm quite unhappy with a few things in my life at the moment, my job being the main one. Last year I was seeing a girl and while I really fancied her the first time I met her, but when we started seeing each other it wasn't the same. I found myself not that bothered about meeting up with her at times and while part of me thinks that might have been a case where it wasn't going to work long term, I also felt the job and how I felt about myself was equally to blame if not more so. I feel my mindset really kinda ruined things and I'd have been much more upbeat and everything had I not been feeling the way I was. It doesn't mean we would have lived happily ever after, but I definitely feel it shortened the relationship.

I too feel really down about things at times and I can find it hard to motivate myself to do anything at times. I got up last Monday morning and it literally took me 2 hours to get from my bed to the shower. I just sat there unhappily thinking about how I didn't want to go to work. Part of it was that I knew I wasn't under any pressure to be in early, but a lot of it was just me struggling to motivate myself to do anything. There's been other times where I couldn't face going in to work and just said I was feeling sick and worked from home.

I too tend to dwell on things that I know will make me angry, upset or whatever. I've got into such a negative way of thinking.

I went to speak to my GP about it all a while back and I just went in and said "I think I might be suffering from depression". He was really good and we had a nice long chat and the outcome was that he recommended I go talk to a psychologist. It's taken me a while to get around to it but I started going to see one a couple of weeks ago. I'm having anxiety issues and there's elements of depression coming into play too so I'm glad I'm doing something about it.

As others have said, go talk to your doctor and see what they say. Don't sugar coat it either. It might be a bit embarrassing but there's lots more embarrassing things you could need to see a doctor about so just try to think of it that way, you're just having a chat.

Hope it works out for the better.

dannyc31

hey alphamle2509

i think you're being overly hard on yourself here. if you read back you post you'll realise the primary problem you have here is with your job/career.

you almost glossed over it as a possible issue but many people fail to realise how important being in a fullfilling job/career is. think about it, its the thing you spend minimum 8hrs a day doing 5 days a week and considering you spend another 8hrs sleeping, that translates as 50% of your waking day. if you hate doing what you're doing thats gonna have a pretty damaging effect on your mental health wouldnt you agree? this is why many men report depression after being made redundant or being long term out of work. men especially pride themselves on how well they do in their career and being in a job they hate can seem like a kinda failure on their part.

if you're surrounded by people who say "i hate my job too, but i get on with it" ignore them. yes not everyone can love their job and in fact most wont but you can at least like what you're doing or feel like you're giving something back which will increase your satisfaction with that job. they say being in a job that challenges/fulfills/rewards you creates something called "flow" which is a sense of being content and happy with your lot also increasing self esteem.

i know with the recession its not a case of jacking it in and going elsewhere but you should take the time to ask yourself what is it you would actually like to do as a career/ what is it that interests you etc. often alot of people dont have anything to mind when they ask themselves this question so what i have found handy is to spk to career guidance counsellor. we tend to think thats someone you spk to while at school but there are many people in their 20's/30's who still dont know what it really is they would like to do as a career and there is no shame in that.

another thing that can be useful is to do one of those online personality/career matching questionaires. they will produce a list of careers recommended for your personality type based on the answers you give in the questionaire. you might be surprised with the result and something might jump out at you that you had always been interested in but had forgotten.

lastly then decide could you make a plan to get on a path to that career/job, whether that be going back to college full-time or part-time doing a course, going abroad, doing some sort of apprenticeship or just sending off lots of cvs. be realistic thou, if its not affordable or obtainable etc then you will just be more disappointed if you cant reach your goal.

all the above is something i've experienced myself so i can only spk from my own situation.

thats said if you beleive there are other issues other than the job that are getting on top of you, i'd advise taking to a professional.

best of luck on your journey mate.

lynsalot

From what I'm reading OP, it sounds like tell tale signs of some kinda of down period in your life... I'm not comfortable using the word depression as it's an umbrella term for many issues, and I'm no doctor so no one here should or can diagnose you (I know you're sick of hearing that) but you have to recognise that what you're feeling about yourself isn't how it should be.

As far as I can see, you're extremely hard on yourself fulfilling other's expectations. You feel this blue period can't exist because you are normally a happy go lucky person (No one is happy go lucky all of the time!) You worry about burdening your girlfriend with this issue, cementing more the immense pressure you're putting on yourself. Rather than adding to the stress you're feeling, own up to it and recognise that you're actually coping quite well. But not ignoring the fact that your health is of most importance.

Why don't you look up some local therapists and make an appointment. The opportunity to speak to someone is something most people could do with from time to time, so it can only help. If you're more comfortable with seeing your GP, do this, but I feel in Ireland, docs are too quick to prescribe medication without seeking the root cause of the issue. Often a combination of both treatments is best.

I've found the following link with some helplines if you want to use them: http://www.independent.ie/unsorted/features/depression-the-symptoms-the-statistics-the-help-164654.html

The best thing you can do for yourself is to take responsibility for your mental health as you would with your physical health. Go and seek help (From a professional)

Btw, your girlfriend should understand AND stick by you!!