Manager made personal comments

LegacyUser

Hi there, I work (2 months ago I started) in a large organisation as a middle-manager. I have a team of 17 people working for me. I was recently pulled aside by a member of management (above me but not my direct reporting manager) for no reason. She told me that since I'm new that she should show me the ropes.

She told me I seem to be "little miss perfect around here" and that "that kind of attitude won't do [me] any favours in this place". She then went on to comment on my standards of attire: "you wore a dress a number of days ago that was racy and your tights were not thick enough to suit it, I would take a look at that if I were you." When I asked what dress it was that she was referring to, she replied "Never mind, you got the attention of the boys, let's put it that way, maybe wear leggings with that dress if you come in with it again". She then went on to say "I see you go to the toilet a lot, too, I would watch that if I were you"

My dresses are on or below the knee. I wore them in my previous (very high profile) company. And I have never been taken in to a room about that. As for the toilet comment, I am appalled.

She said she would be sending a report of that meeting to my direct reporting manager. When I asked if it was my DRM that had asked her to speak with me about these issues she said "Another manager made comments and I thought I should follow it up with you in this informal meeting" .

How do I go about approaching my DRM about her comments? It's almost like I have been walked into problems without doing anything to cause them.

Milk & Honey

Keep notes of the dates and times you go to the toilet. Have photos taken of yourself in your work outfits. If you hear anything from higher up you will be prepared.

Kosseegan

sallyatthebusstop wrote: »

you." When I asked what dress it was that she was referring to, she replied "Never mind, you got the attention of the boys, let's put it that way, maybe wear leggings with that dress if you come in with it again".

Whatever you do don't wear leggings with a dress. It is very unprofessional. You should wait until you are approached by senior managemen, rather than raising the issue yourself. She could be trying to get you the name of being a troublemaker. Having records and everything recorded will enable you to destroy her credibility. In a contest at the moment you will lose.

seamus

It would be no harm to do as Milk & Honey says and maybe make a note (even in your own head) of what you're doing, but on the face of it, it looks like the other manager simply feels threatened by your presence and is trying to take you down a notch and get you to fit "in line" and be afraid of her.

I'd go to your direct reporting manager, tell him/her that you are concerned that this person decided to insult you, make sure he/she is aware of this "meeting" and is aware that you completely contest whatever it is that the other manager reports.
This other woman isn't your boss, so you have no reason to fear her or otherwise think that she can have you fired.

If she has another "meeting" with you, then I would stop her straight away and tell her that the only person who has any business "showing you the ropes" is your own manager, and then report the incident to your HR department.

edellc

what a cheeky cow

OP she is just trying to intimidate you, maybe she was the eye candy as she sees it before you arrive and she feel threatened by your professional manner and ability to do your job.

I would bring this to the attention of my manager and as said if she approaches you again make it perfectly clear the only person who can show you the ropes is your manger and do report her to HR, how dare she

so annoying as this is what gives women in the work place a bad name, what a bitch

murphym7

seamus wrote: »

It would be no harm to do as Milk & Honey says and maybe make a note (even in your own head) of what you're doing, but on the face of it, it looks like the other manager simply feels threatened by your presence and is trying to take you down a notch and get you to fit "in line" and be afraid of her.

I'd go to your direct reporting manager, tell him/her that you are concerned that this person decided to insult you, make sure he/she is aware of this "meeting" and is aware that you completely contest whatever it is that the other manager reports.
This other woman isn't your boss, so you have no reason to fear her or otherwise think that she can have you fired.

If she has another "meeting" with you, then I would stop her straight away and tell her that the only person who has any business "showing you the ropes" is your own manager, and then report the incident to your HR department.

This is good advice, tell your manager of the meeting and any other time this other Manager approaches you in a similar manner tell your boss and HR. This behaviour is completely un-acceptable - this seems on the face of it as a case of the green eyed monster.

Kosseegan

I wouldn't go approaching HR or senior managers at this point. She is there longer and will lie and be believed. You will then be seen as a troublemaker. You should have copious notes of everything and if you are approached by HR with an allegation you can prove it wrong and turn it back on her. Making bullying allegations (even if they are true) in your first few months is a sure fire way to be pushed out before the 12 month limit for unfair dismissals. It is not worth getting sacked over a jealous colleague. She may not have reported anything to higher ups at this stage and you will be seen to have started it.

Missy Moo Moo

What a jealous cow! Clearly she doesn't like that you may have been getting glances off the boys in the office. As someone said, this really gives women in work a bad name.

Just be aware that Managers stick together- unfortunately- so your direct manager may listen to her and not necessarily stick up for you. Keep a log of the incident. If you get pulled up on your clothes again, well you haven't been told which particular outfit was racy so how can you fix it? As for toilet breaks, well that's a basic human need. If she tries to call you on any of this again, she will make a show of herself in front of HR as there is nothing for her to reprimand you on. Don't bitch to your Manager, as I said, Managers can stick together. Just be nice as pie and continue to do your job. Next time miss jealous manager tries to have an informal meeting, tell her you'd feel more comfortable with a HR representative present.

professorpete

Tell your manager about this immediately.

Don't make a complaint about it, just tell him/her what this person has said and be clear that you are not trying to cause trouble or anything, just that want to bring to your manager's attention; following protocol, keeping him/her in the loop, etc; Facts only. No emotional stuff, no opinions.

Perhaps say it to your DRM as in you're asking is this the correct protocol for another manager to be 'pulling you aside' for an 'informal chat' etc.. Your manager may be surprised to hear about this.

I work in a similar (sounding) environment and I recall a female colleague telling me of an instance where she had to 'pull someone aside' and tell them they were dressing too sexy / showing too much flesh, etc. She was asked to do this by the person's DRM because he was male and didn't want to be dealing with issues like this; could this be the case here? I doubt it because as other posters have suggested, this manager person sounds like a jealous beeyatch. If it is the case, then why hasn't it been done formally?

IMO the best way to deal with this kind of thing is to be upfront about it and at all times, follow company protocol. You can't get fired for doing that. You haven't done anything wrong, otherwise your manager would be involved.

People like that are idiots and in large organisations tend to be allowed / enabled to do these things. Don't stand for it, it's not ok. (But at the same time, as others have said, don't go making a big battle out of it!!)

Best of luck.

krd

sallyatthebusstop wrote: »

Hi there, I work (2 months ago I started) in a large organisation as a middle-manager. I have a team of 17 people working for me. I was recently pulled aside by a member of management (above me but not my direct reporting manager) for no reason. She told me that since I'm new that she should show me the ropes.

She told me I seem to be "little miss perfect around here" and that "that kind of attitude won't do [me] any favours in this place".

She sees you as a threat. Her next steps will be to undermine you and try to get you sacked.

You could have landed yourself in a very political workplace.

sambuka41

Kosseegan wrote: »

I wouldn't go approaching HR or senior managers at this point. She is there longer and will lie and be believed.

Not necessarily, the fact that she is there longer could mean that the management are well aware of her antics but haven't been able to find a reason to get rid of her.

OP start as you mean to go on, you can speak with you manager in a some what informal way, just ask who is it that you take direction from, mention that this woman said it was her. Your manager will clear up if she had a right to speak with you or not.

LegacyUser

hmm this could be the start of something very nasty, the comments she made to you were bordering on inappropriate and intended to humiliate you. Definitely take notes of times, dates, I wouldn't go to h.r. unless it continues over a sustained period of time. You could have a quiet conversation with your department manager just so he/she knows what the story is. If she makes any other statements about these 'office rules' suggest a meeting between her, yourself and the direct manager so these transgressions can be clarified. Good luck I hope it works out.

Bandana boy

I would have an informal chat with your direct manager.I would broach that another manager gave you some direction that your struggling with.

It could be that this is a more conservative company than your previous companies and she was trying to broach the subject on your work attire and made a complete hames of it.This could be an area of management that she is weak on but as your both women the other managers thought it would sound better coming from her.

I know previously I moved from a company that had a very relaxed get the work done and how you dress the hours you keep etc where not important.

I changed jobs and over time slipped into a a similar pattern ,but for this second company they where far more conservative and unhappy with this approach.The work i did was very good and they wanted to avoid a disciplinary approach but still address the issue (I subsequently found out that my direct manager had baulked at bringing it up with me several times ).
They asked a senior manager of another department who I had some connections outside the workplace to broach it with me. He brought it up with me in his office, it went disastrously ,we ended up having a blazing row. I took the comments personally and felt all the good work I did was for no avail, I felt it was nitpicking and an attempt to block my progression in the company by bringing up what I felt was a non issue.
It took months for things to settle down and another manager took me for dinner and pints to explain how it was hard for them to discipline other staff on issues like timekeeping when I rolled in at 11am unshaven wearing jeans and a t-shirt in what was a business casual environment. That they wanted to give me a promotion but worried about how it would look to those unfamiliar with my work.That the reason it was done informally was in recognition of the quality of my work and so that it would not flag on a HR review of my promotion that I had been disciplined.

Now it could also be that she is a jealous insecure wagon and just wanted a pop of you to mark her territory.Either way I think an informal chat should bring the real issue to light.

Denerick

I'm assuming those arguing for reporting this to another manager are completely oblivious to the realities of office politics.

OP, keep a log, endure the bullsh1t. Reporting it to another manager will only make it political, and as a new manager you have absolutely no political capital. Going to HR solves nothing either, as HR are there to drive productivity in the company and will end up doing what they believe is best for the company, not for you as a person (I really wish people would realise this fact before advocating talking to HR)

Mrs OBumble

I think that the last two posters have mentioned something important that others maybe missed.

The OP is a manager, not just an employee. The politics are totally different.

OP I would advise some informal networking with other managers - you need to start building your network of allies in the company anyway - to find out the lie of the land.

And if you haven't been a manager before, get used to it. If you're the sort who wears dresses, then this sort of game will be played in many companies. Sorry if this sounds rough - but you're a manager, you need to learn to play management games.