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issues with sex...

  • 15-06-2012 12:45pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    ...And how it is affecting me at a time when I may be venturing into a new relationship.


    I've been single quite a while now and have no problems with it, it provided me with a chance to get on with my life. In that time I've had the odd one night stand but I'm far from being a Casanova or stud of any sorts. Thing is, in that time I've also watched a fair amount of porn, and prefer to go for rougher sorts where the girl is maybe taking on two or three men at a time. A girl I met a few times loves sex and enjoys getting into 'things', whether it be toys, outfits, dirty talk and random outdoor sex/oral etc. I always look forward to it and get off on the thrill.

    I've now met a girl who is great, she wants to spoil me, be with me all the time, is so kind, pleasant, successful in her own way and quite appealing in so many ways, but......... there had to be one. She's so quiet and shy in bed. I struggle to get into it with her and end up losing the erection. We chatted on it a bit last week about my losing of the laddie, and her being confident in any area apart from this.

    How do I sort myself in this please?? Yes I may be a selfish pig and think it's all about me, that may be the case, but what I feel is my failing and it's doing me in confidence wise with her. Any time I've lost it she will say relax and it's ok, but it still affects me. I could try viagra or suchlike but don't want to go that route. I know talking things over always helps, I hope putting it on here helps me with this.


Comments

  • #2
    Piliger
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,741 ✭✭✭Piliger


    Hi OP, from a 50 yo guy who has been through a lot of this myself. Unfortunately this issue can be one of the side effects of too much porn. Severe desensitisation.

    Please remember that sex is only one part of a relationship. And a small part of it in the long term. If you chose a partner based solely on matching your short term sexual goals, there is a huge risk it will crash and burn after a few years.

    My advice to you is to first of all back off the porn completely. It provides a short term rush but can really screw us up for real people and real life.

    Then start working on getting in touch with yourself physically. The kind of hard core porn you are referring to takes you out of and away from your own inner emotions and sensuality and replaces it with purely physical emotion/aggression. That is how I see it. You need to get a book or video showing you how to get into slow, sensual sex and into connecting with your girlfriend in that kind of way. You may feel that sounds a bit lame ... but believe me the payback can be way way better and your issue will fade.

    Best of luck.


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