no sex

LegacyUser

This topic may have been addressed before, but i'd really appreciate advice even from one person! I'm a girl of 23 and my boyfriend is 26. We have a real problem with sex. His drive isnt as high as mine, in fact, it's almost non existent, and it's getting to the point that all I think about when we're together is sex. Whether or not we're going to have it, and if not, why?

We see each other 2-3 times a week, we are together six months, and i don't know what to do any more. At the start, every time we saw each other, we'd be intimate with each other, but now it's become a topic of annoyance for him. There seems to be this huge pressure over the both of us now - he's afraid to even kiss me because he thinks ill think it leads to sex, and i'm afraid to even want it now because i know more than likely nothing will happen.

Is it time to break it off? It's really eating at me, but I really do like him and am just so confused

Dravokivich

Have you discussed it with him and know for sure he's just not interested in sex? I'm sort of thinking, could there possibly be a satisfaction issue for him?

LegacyUser

We have talked about it several times. He asked me if sex was important to me, and I said yes, that I don't see why that's a bad thing, and he said it's a bad thing because he can never guarantee he'll be able to perform (he does have a few problems with keeping it up), but i do be patient and say that its ok. I told him that there are plenty other things we can do without using that part of his body. He said last week that he feels all I come down for is sex, and I can understand how he feels that way, but I think I'm just so desperate for attention from him that i will try no matter what, no matter that i know he will probably just lie there until I gt fed up and annoyed, and then he will be annoyed that i got annoyed because he just lay there. It's so frustrating. I would never cheat, and I really do want to be with him, but it's getting too hard to always be rejected even though he says he still fancies me and wants to have sex with me...

curlzy

Hey OP,

If he's not willing to try to work on this then I would just call it a day. It really sounds like you guys are mismatched sexually. It also sounds like it's intimidating to him. If he can't man up as it were and work on this rather than trying to make you ashamed of your sex drive, I would just call it a day. And I'd do it soon before this relationship erodes your and his self esteem even further, with you feeling rejected and him feeling a failure.

Best of luck.

SunnyDub1

Hi Op.

Some people just naturally have a low sex drive. It's normal. But I do think that he could try a little harder. It could be a case that he is embarrassed about the situation and could be fed up trying and disappointing you.

Maybe try more for play, or try out different things that turn him on or else medication like Viagra ?

While I do think that physical attention in a relationship is important I think emotions are more important, like if the guy loves you and cares for you and yous get on well. Sex is just a pleasurable bonus IMO. However he shouldn't have any issues showing and being affectionate towards you - kisses etc..

I wouldn't end the relationship just yet.Try talk and sort it out, if it's really straining the relationship and causing problems than maybe you should call it a day.

Jen Pigs Fly

An Ex of mine was just like this - healthy 23 year old lad etc.

He stopped having sex with me because he was trying to push me away and was too cowardly to just out and say he was breaking up with me.
I should also mention he was cheating on me too.

not trying to insinuate anything, just sharing with you my experiences when this happened to me before.

LegacyUser

Hey op!
I was in a similar situation myself a few years back. I met my ex when I was 19, for the first few months everything was great, he was going through a tough time as his mother passed away and he became very distant with me emotionally. He never wanted sex and like you I would have had a very high sex drive. He did tell me eventually that he had problems staying erect, I tried to talk to him about it, I was very patient and understanding and really did try my best to help him through it but he would just ignore me and a lot of the time we would end up fighting.

We actually stayed together for 6 years! Looking back now it was total stupidity on part, I should have left when I wasn't happy in the relationship and he wasn't willing to sort it out, but I had very little confidence left and I our relationship was comfortable! The actual reason for us splitting eventually was that he went to Thailand on a detox holiday to try and sort his life out, if this didn't work for him then I had decided I would have to get out of the relationship. He made the decision a whole lot easier when I discovered while he was still over there that he had slept with a hooker!

Looking back now I can see clearly what I should have done a long time ago. However, When someone your with doesn't want to kiss you or touch you it really starts to wear down your confidence and I think that's how I got stuck in that relationship for so long as I just didn't have the confidence to leave. I can see now that we just weren't that compatible.

I'm with someone now who cannot keep his hands off me, is 10 times the man my ex ever was, 100 times hotter and makes me feel amazing. My advice to you is don't stay around too long if this guy isn't willing to work on this problem, there are plenty of other men out there and don't settle for anything less than what you deserve.

snafuk35

he's afraid to even kiss me because he thinks ill think it leads to sex

Drop him like the hot brick

analucija

notagainshesays wrote: »

We have talked about it several times. He asked me if sex was important to me, and I said yes, that I don't see why that's a bad thing, and he said it's a bad thing because he can never guarantee he'll be able to perform (he does have a few problems with keeping it up), but i do be patient and say that its ok. I told him that there are plenty other things we can do without using that part of his body. He said last week that he feels all I come down for is sex, and I can understand how he feels that way, but I think I'm just so desperate for attention from him that i will try no matter what, no matter that i know he will probably just lie there until I gt fed up and annoyed, and then he will be annoyed that i got annoyed because he just lay there. It's so frustrating. I would never cheat, and I really do want to be with him, but it's getting too hard to always be rejected even though he says he still fancies me and wants to have sex with me...

Does he have lower sex drive or is he just so afraid that he won't be able to perform so he rather doesn't try? This can be very scary for men and sometimes they are afraid or unwilling to confront their problems in that department. I know somebody who kept ignoring a bulge on his testicles because he was embarrassed about it until it was to late and he died of cancer at 27. I'm not implying your bf has cancer or some serious problem but I'm just trying to say how extreme the situation can be and men will be still reluctant to go to gp or do something about it. I'm just saying it could be confidence and not sex drive issue and maybe if he tries to go to gp things could improve a lot.

morgans303

Not interested in sex could be a sign he's getting it somewhere else. Either that, or he has sexual dysfunction. He needs to go see a doctor. I mean, even if not for your relationship, guys with no sex drive might have a serious underlying health issue.