Failure in life

LegacyUser

Hi,

I don't know how to get my life on track.

The most major problem is that I've always found it difficult to get a job. I topped my class in college and thought I had a promising career in front of my. However, I was very shy at the time and found interview difficult. I didn't speak enough, it would have been clear that I was shy and lacking in confidence and I was not good at 'selling myself'.

I tried to get jobs in my chosen career, be self employed and get jobs that needed no qualifications (all which I did). I did have periods of unemployment which doesn't look good. However, I eventually broke into my chosen field but am looking for work again. A company has just turned me down for interview stating gaps in cv as the reason. How can I get around this? I really want and need a job but this will always haunt me.

The other issue is I have never had a serious relationship. I've never made friends easily as I'm shy at first (even now) and am possibly a bit too serious at time.

I'm a 32 female and the future doesn't seem to bright. I always see threads here about people who have never had a boyfriend/girlfriend but most of these people at least seem to have good jobs/careers.

Any advice on how to make job/career and love life happen would be great.

RealistSpy

Hi,

You really just have to take control to be honest with you. It's hard economy situation at the moment and you have to be positive and put yourself out there. The job won't come or reach out to you to come, you have to go to it.

Regarding being shy, I was very shy once but I got over it by saying to myself: "What is the worse that would ever happen?".
Have you seen a Councillor just in case of underlining issues?

Anyway be positive....go for it
GL

LegacyUser

I am 'out there' in regard to job hunting but my past unemployment is holding me back I think. I'm applying for jobs every day and contacting companies directly. Hearing that the reason why I am not being considered for a job is because of gaps in my cv years ago was hard to hear. I think this has come against me in the past be nobody was honest enough to tell me until now.

I have over come my shyness to a certain extent. It's not totally gone but I'm not the person I was years ago.

LegacyUser

Gaps in your c.v:

Say you went travelling or worked for yourself (if that's possible in your field - say you went freelance but it didn't work out). What industry are you working in?

You can always extend times you've worked in places by a couple of months to reduce the lengths of the gaps.

Would you consider going to a career specialist who could guide you on interview techniques and how to jazz up your c.v. Friend of mine did this and got her dream job.

Get your foot in the door but be able to back everything up when asked about it.

nyarlothothep

The Western world is going through the biggest economic depression since the The Depression. Employers can afford to use whatever reasons, however ridiculous to turn people down as they're in a position of power at the moment so don't sweat it about the gaps thing, that's just one company, not all of them are the same. A lot of people have gaps in employment. And you're not a failure, you succeeded in breaking into your chosen career, not many people can do that but you did. You were also top of your class, that is total success. The only problem is that the economy is at a standstill, that's not your fault. Shyness isn't a bad quality either, it's preferable to being an extreme extrovert, there are plenty of introverts in the world who won't judge you negatively. But of course maybe work on your shyness if it's preventing you from doing certain things. Also you say you're a bit serious, that's also a good quality, you can talk about serious topics that have some depth I assume. I can't give you any other advice except to keep trying.

mcmoustache

You're self confidence is clearly a big problem here because it's something that can hold you back in all areas of life.

There's no simple fix for this that works for everyone but there are different ways in which everyone can give their self confidence a boost. For example, you could join a sports club or amateur dramatics group or some other activity that gets people together for a common goal.

If, for example, you joined a sports club (eg tag rugby which is mixed-sex), there would be people there who'd support and encourage you. You'd find yourself improving all the time and getting fitter and this would make you feel better about yourself. You'd make friends and socialise but more importantly, you would gain some confidence with every improvement you make. You'd meet lots of people too which will help with the shyness.

It's really just a way of distracting yourself so that you have less time to be hung up about your career and relationship problems. The confidence gained from other activities feeds into other areas of your life - for example, if you meet a guy while out, you can talk about your activity instead of how you don't have work. It gives you something positive to discuss and positivity is attractive.

Being confident will also help greatly in interviews and anything that might help your confidence can only be a good thing.

LegacyUser

weeeewwe wrote: »

Gaps in your c.v:

Say you went travelling or worked for yourself (if that's possible in your field - say you went freelance but it didn't work out). What industry are you working in?

You can always extend times you've worked in places by a couple of months to reduce the lengths of the gaps.

Would you consider going to a career specialist who could guide you on interview techniques and how to jazz up your c.v. Friend of mine did this and got her dream job.

Get your foot in the door but be able to back everything up when asked about it.

I did try freelancing but it never took off properly so it wouldn't be a outright lie.

I wouldn't say I travelled as people would ask where you spent time etc. It's too easy to get caught out.

I saw a career specialist a a good few years back and it made no difference.

LegacyUser

mcmoustache wrote: »

You're self confidence is clearly a big problem here because it's something that can hold you back in all areas of life.

There's no simple fix for this that works for everyone but there are different ways in which everyone can give their self confidence a boost. For example, you could join a sports club or amateur dramatics group or some other activity that gets people together for a common goal.

If, for example, you joined a sports club (eg tag rugby which is mixed-sex), there would be people there who'd support and encourage you. You'd find yourself improving all the time and getting fitter and this would make you feel better about yourself. You'd make friends and socialise but more importantly, you would gain some confidence with every improvement you make. You'd meet lots of people too which will help with the shyness.

It's really just a way of distracting yourself so that you have less time to be hung up about your career and relationship problems. The confidence gained from other activities feeds into other areas of your life - for example, if you meet a guy while out, you can talk about your activity instead of how you don't have work. It gives you something positive to discuss and positivity is attractive.

Being confident will also help greatly in interviews and anything that might help your confidence can only be a good thing.

I see your point but sports was never my straight so I would be reluctant to try to use it to meet people. I could never even catch a ball in school. I hated PE and was always last being picked for teams etc.

Chatting to a guy in a pub is not a major problem but as soon as anyone hears you are unemployed be it the first time they meet you or weeks later they still back off. It's hardly going to be sen as anything but a negative.

My shyness is not as bed as it was but because it affected my past soon much it's still haunting me.

Flashgordon197

My wife used the communication clinic. They are excellent for helping you with interview skills. They helped her tackle similar interview problems.