Best Man Duties & Speech

Ray Dow

Does anyone have a list of duties that the best man is usually responsible for at a wedding please?

Also any advice on the requirements for the speech and how to combat the dreaded pre-match nerves on the day would be very much appreciated!:eek:

Thanks in advance

lookitsme

if you are anything like i was, write your speech the night before then stress about it all day. i couldn't swallow breakfast then when we got back to the church i got a few drinks whilst walking around with a big white stressed head, popping up to my room to practice my speech in front of the mirror. but when it came to the time it was actually ok, the speech went well and it got a few laughs. you have to remember its not a tough crowd everybody wants it to be good, so nearly everything gets a chuckle. it won,t be as bad as you think it will be, but you won't realize that till its over. other then that have a good time don't loose any cards don't shag the bridesmaids

Prenderb

List of duties.... for starters, looking out for the couple and helping as best you can before and particularly on the day to make sure that what they want to happen, happens. Chat with the bride and groom and see just what it is they want you to do - this could include things like distributing buttonholes, making payments, looking after gifts and cards, minding the rings, pushing the running order (band or dj timings)...it's worth running through the ceremony and runup with them and seeing where you can make it easier for 'em or keep an eye out.

Organising a stag night is usually a best man's job.

Speech - again, check with the couple as for whether they want long, short, funny, serious, etc. Find out who else is speaking and make sure you don't duplicate thanking people unnecessarily or cover similar ground in your speech. There's plenty of templates on the google machine for gathering some ideas but imho if you keep it sincere and light it should go down well.

Make it your own, by which I mean don't copy someone elses, it will come across better. By all means refer to other speeches and take things from them, but put it together yourself and you'll be more familiar and more comfortable with it when the day comes.

Cover such things as the couple - how you know 'em, why they're good together, etc. How you know Groom, and a couple of funny stories if you have 'em. Try to keep it fairly clean, there's usually a wide range of ages and sensitivities at a wedding! There's usually some thanks to make and compliments to give - anyone who helped particularly during the preparations, the bridesmaids will look lovely, again this can be coordinated with the couple. Toast Bride and Groom, and maybe toast to absent friends.

Preparation will help keep the nerves down, if you know what you want to say and run through it on the days before the wedding you should be right. Don't have a script, or if you do don't treat it as a rigid written-in-stone thing, reading it out may make you seem unnatural and trying to memorise it may backfire if you find yourself stumped remembering the next line. Have a page of bullets to refer to to keep you on the straight and narrow.

You might or might not drink, but if you do, don't drink too much before the speech.

Remember that everyone there is a friend or family of the bride and groom and will be a receptive audience anyway!

Hope that helps - it's usually easier than you think, but you may be a little busier than you think as well!

paulbok

There are usually a few jobs to do, but they are not as demanding as you might think, so don't be worried about it.

Pre-wedding, Your main job is to organise the stag, and if the couple ask, to help out organising the wedding, although apart from getting addresses for the invites from peopl, I don't know and best men who've had much to do with the organising
On the day, your basically a personal assistant for the couple.
Go with the groom to the church and keep his nerves at bay.
You'll be the contact for the photographer, hotel etc, if there are any problems but it'll be very rare if anything bad happens aside from someone looking for direction to the church. The groom should have to deal with calls on the day.
Collect the cards from the guests when given them and keep them safe.
Join in after the 1st dance with the bridemaids,
And don't forget to enjoy the occasion

The speech
Rehearse your speech so it feels more natural when it comes to giving it, and keep it short and sweet if you are really bricking it.
Go easy on the sauce before the speeches, by all means have a few from arrival to the venue to the meal, but don't be plastered for the speeches by stocking up on Dutch Courage. The hardest part of the speech is actually standing up for the 1st time and getting those first few words out. after that you will be fine.
Have a few one-liners on a seperate card for put downs to hecklers, awkard pauses, stammerring and general nervousness. If you break your flow it can be hard to start up again, so having a quick quip to hand will help.
Once the speeches are over, aside from the dance with the chief bridesmaid, you're done.
Try not to think about the speech as much as you can. I convinced myself not to get nervous about it until the meal was over. That worked really well until the dessert came out, then the nerves hit.
Just remember that this is one of your best friends, and you're helping him have the day of his life and both he and his other half will really appreciate all you do for them on the day.

Ray Dow

Thanks for all the feedback lads. Some real good advice in there - I'm starting to feel a lil less stressed already!

oisindoyle

Start writing your speech now .Rehearse it over and over again .read it aloud to yourself ,maybe look in the mirror.If you dont want to read it from paper on the day ,maybe just make a few cards out with "pointer" notes about what you want to or are going to say.

A simple short to the point speech is best ,God knows the amount of times Ive been to weddings and the best mans speech went on and on and on him trying desperately to be funny and it wasnt!!! Dont TRY and be funny ,you dont have to be .

Short and sweet is the way to go .

DONT drink before your speech no matter how nervous you will be and you WILL BE ,,its normal.
.Remember this though, your knees maybe be knocking and you might be shaking like a leaf inside but the guests cannot see this so just go with it .....
Rehearse rehearse rehearse ,,,,,and good luck

Gatica

our friends' best man practiced his speech in front of my OH (I wasn't allowed in) to get used to saying it in front of someone and gauge reaction to certain gags and stories. It may seem daunting to ask someone to hear you talk but it'll be good practice for the actual day. I don't see a problem with having a sip of a whiskey to steady up, but I defo wouldn't go boozing before making a speech. As others have mentioned, making queue cards for yourself with just a few bullet points each is a good way to remind yourself of the things you wanted to mention in your speech.

The main things to mention are that the bride looks great, the bridesmaids look lovely... and wish them (the couple) well. The groom thanks everyone else.

My OH was best man couple of years ago and he just had to make sure things were running smooth. Giving the envelope payments to the suppliers, collecting gifts and cards from guests (those got stored in the safe in our room) and making sure everyone's in the ballroom and seated before the bride and groom are announced and enter (at this stage he made his way down to his seat as well).

The wedding coordinator or equivalent of the hotel usually announces cutting of the cake, first dance and those sorts of things.

If there are other small things that come up, you may need to deal with them as they happen. At a friend's wedding last year the hotel decided to bring out the tea and cake into the middle of the dance-floor even though the band wasn't taking a break, and the best man had to have a chat to the hotel staff to get that moved off the floor... that's the sort of things that you may need to do, but there may be nothing if everything goes butterly (smoothly )...

Ray Dow

Cheers guys. 6 weeks left, I'm used to using A4 sheets but would ye recommend switching to cue cards at this stage?

And if so where can I buy some? Yes, I truly am an amateur!

Zaph

Definitely cards, they're neater and slip into your inside pocket perfectly. Index cards are what you're looking for, you'll find them in any Easons.

Ray Dow

Thanks Zaph. I'll pick a few up tmro