cherry picking work colleagues

beltzar

Hi folks,
Another guidance seeking question:
I work on a team of 6(including me).
I plan on inviting 4 of the 5 colleagues (and their plus one) to my our wedding. Since I work shifts I rarely see the di*k in question. He is loud obnoxious smelly and I suspect he may have been dropped on his head as a baby!
I hadn't planned on asking him to my wedding but now people are saying it will reflect me badly in the work place, not a team player, upsetting the apple cart, cat amongst the pigeons etc

Would you ask a team member to your wedding if you count stand them?.

Misticles

beltzar wrote: »

Hi folks,
Another guidance seeking question:
I work on a team of 6(including me).
I plan on inviting 4 of the 5 colleagues (and their plus one) to my our wedding. Since I work shifts I rarely see the di*k in question. He is loud obnoxious smelly and I suspect he may have been dropped on his head as a baby!
I hadn't planned on asking him to my wedding but now people are saying it will reflect me badly in the work place, not a team player, upsetting the apple cart, cat amongst the pigeons etc

Would you ask a team member to your wedding if you count stand them?.

NO

It's your day (your = you and your oh), invite who you want to invite. What's the point in inviting someone who you really don't want to be there?

Cat.OR

beltzar wrote: »

Hi folks,
Another guidance seeking question:
I work on a team of 6(including me).
I plan on inviting 4 of the 5 colleagues (and their plus one) to my our wedding. Since I work shifts I rarely see the di*k in question. He is loud obnoxious smelly and I suspect he may have been dropped on his head as a baby!
I hadn't planned on asking him to my wedding but now people are saying it will reflect me badly in the work place, not a team player, upsetting the apple cart, cat amongst the pigeons etc

Would you ask a team member to your wedding if you count stand them?.

Meh I don't see point in making an issue out of it... Everyone has few people they don't like. Your going to get more declines than you think, plus odds are he feels the same about you and won't come.

Misticles

Cat.OR wrote: »

Meh I don't see point in making an issue out of it... Everyone has few people they don't like. Your going to get more declines than you think, plus odds are he feels the same about you and won't come.

OR he could come just to spite the OP.
I wouldn't bother with the invite at all tbh.

If you really want to avoid conflict as people are saying - invite to the afters.

Personally, if I was inviting every other person on the team then I wouldn't leave just one person out.

Sleepy

If the other's feel the same way about him no harm in discreetly asking them not to mention the wedding?

tinkerbell

No I would not invite him. No way. Why invite people you can't stand to the most important day of your life? And this whole "not being seen as a team player" if you don't invite him is BS - team playing is about working well in the WORKPLACE, not feeling obliged to invite them to a family/friends occasion.

Cat.OR

Misticles wrote: »

Cat.OR wrote: »

Meh I don't see point in making an issue out of it... Everyone has few people they don't like. Your going to get more declines than you think, plus odds are he feels the same about you and won't come.

OR he could come just to spite the OP.
I wouldn't bother with the invite at all tbh.

If you really want to avoid conflict as people are saying - invite to the afters.

True its individual toughts. Don't think anyone will go out of their way to cause conflict at someone's wedding and if they do they will look bad for it.
Honestly op the day just flies by, you'll be Lucky to meet him and quiet honestly you won't spend a lot. of time with anyone
I also think bad not to invite just one person but its your wedding and you know know these people better.

Good luck with decision and the day.

BC

Normally I would say no, but as he is the only member of the team that you are leaving out then I think it's a bit pointed. I would say invite all of them or none of them. I had a similar issue when I got married and so invited no-one to the meal. I invited them to the afters only.

looksee

I would invite them all to the afters, which is a polite way of saying 'if you would like to help me celebrate my wedding without a lot of fuss and expense to you, and if you don't want to come it won't be a big deal'.

However if you are close friends with the other four and often go out together, then they have moved into a different area of your life and can be invited to the wedding with no offense to anyone.

I can imagine some of the conversations at home though (OH) 'why should I go to a wedding of someone I don't know? I would rather stay home and watch the football'.

Desk Jockey

I had something similar a while back about cherry picking friends and got lots of comments to support both sides of the argument (all valid). Its def good to get feedback but no one else can/will make this decision for you. I found it helpful to think of the worst case scenario for each side of the argument and then ask myself 'Could I live (comfortably) with that?'

Whatever your decision it will impact on your wedding and workplace so you have to be comfortable with handling the consequences. In my case, I chose to follow what felt right for me because I couldn't live with the alternative. You are the best person to judge what feels right for you, so
I think you already know what feels right for you in this case. You don't need anyones permission to make a decision, you just need to know that you can handle living it.

wildflower

my oh was in the same position for our wedding, one girl he works with and he hates her, but shes the only girl and he was inviting 10 of the lads he works with so i said it might reflect badly on him and for the sake of peace we just invited her!

the_syco

beltzar wrote: »

Since I work shifts I rarely see the di*k in question. He is loud obnoxious smelly and I suspect he may have been dropped on his head as a baby!

If he's a dick now, he'll be a dick at your wedding, and a dick after the wedding.

Versus him being a dick now, not inviting him, and he'll be a dick after the wedding.

It's your big day, not his. If anyone says anything say that you don't see the point in bringing someone yu don't get along with to your big day.