CBT and Breaking Relationship Patterns

Lux23

I am a reasonably happy woman of 30 years of age and can go months without any emotional outbursts but I still seem to be suffering from the same relationship issues that I had at 21/22 and I am at my wits end.

I have been reading up on CBT and I think it is something that would be of interest to me but not sure how to go about it all.

Basically when I start dating someone, it is all rosey for the first few weeks or months even but I begin to doubt myself and then begin to wonder why this person has any interest in me. This leads to me being sullen, freaking out if they change plans or things don't happen like I expect them to. Generally what happens then is that the guy starts to distance himself, in the past I used to go completely wacko at this point but now I have at least learned to control this part and accept that the relationship can't continue at this point. Currently I am seeing someone who doesn't seem to want to end it but he is completely bewildered by my mood swings.

It's gotten to the point where I am almost telling potential boyfriends about these issues before it's even gotten anywhere. So is CBT something that would help?

Has anyone else got any experiences?

P. Breathnach

Your behaviour pattern falls into the range of things that Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is intended to address. So at one level, the answer to your question is yes.

Personally, I am very leary of the therapy business: I think there are many snake-oil purveyors representing themselves as therapists. If you are going to open yourself (and your wallet) to a stranger, it would be good to do some research and reference-checking first. Some GPs are willing to make recommendations.

Piliger

CBT is a very powerful technique that I have seen work very successfully. However it doesn't seem to me to be appropriate for this situation to be honest.

I am loathe to offer medical advice - I think this is something you would be far better going to a counsellor to work through.

Lux23

Is CBT not counselling?

Anny Hall

Hi op,

CBT is a form of therapy but is not counselling per se. It sounds like you suffer from low self esteem. CBT could help you change your negative beliefs about yourself. If I were you I which I am not I would find someone who does psychodynamic therapy or counselling which looks to childhood unmet needs and how we consciously or unconsciously repeat patterns of behaviour and sabotage ourselves. It's deeper work but if you find a good Therapist worth it imo.

Generally this requires more long term work though at least a few months of once a week. Check out iacp.ie.

Sounds like you have an insight to your issue so that's half the battle so any form of therapy might benefit.

Lux23

Thanks Anny.