I don't know where to meet people and it makes me so sad

LegacyUser

I'm 20 years old and from County Clare.

Bars/clubs- no friends so obviously won't go in, would look very weird.

Facebook - see above and below. Seeing photos of everyone having nights out and socialising, the realisation that I'm wasting my life would feel even more sickening and unbearable.

Local GAA club - I was a loser when I was last at school so would rather stick pins in my eyes. I spent so long never conversing with so many of the guys there (didn't help I'm shy, knew that but they didn't seem arsed at initiating conversation).

School - want to do 6th year Leaving Cert to make friends almost as much as the academic side, but closed for the summer obviously. 12 long, long weeks.

Soccer league - the season has just finished.

I don't know where else there is, doesn't help I live in the rural west.

I just don't know where to turn to. I have spent so long isolated that it almost feels like I've missed the boat in terms of making friends, most people my age are quite satisfied with the amount they have. I wonder if I told all this to my doctor, would he send me to some depression meet up or something? Is there such a thing? Because I feel quite depressed anyway. Hopefully there would be some guys around my own age group there I could bond with and just talk to people in general, sometimes it feels weird to hear my own voice.

Xterminator

i would suggest you check out your local library. dunno how near that would be to you.

usually there's a notice board with local events and clubs.

also if there are any clubs or societys you xould jion or volunteer to help out. EG be a scout leader, help out the elderly, work in a charity shop .. etc.

you may have to get out of your 'comfort zone' here.

LegacyUser

Xterminator wrote: »

i would suggest you check out your local library. dunno how near that would be to you.

usually there's a notice board with local events and clubs.

also if there are any clubs or societys you xould jion or volunteer to help out. EG be a scout leader, help out the elderly, work in a charity shop .. etc.

you may have to get out of your 'comfort zone' here.

Would I really meet people my own age by helping out by elderly or working in a charity shop though? I suppose it's better to keep busy, but it doesn't help resolving the problem - I'll still be miserable.

Plus the thing about events is almost everyone brings a friend along. I suppose looking for more clubs is an idea though.

Maybe I should just befriend people on Facebook and pray for a miracle, although it would probably look quite pathetic no-one ever posting on my wall

thefeatheredcat

wannabe_extrovert wrote: »

Facebook - see above and below. Seeing photos of everyone having nights out and socialising, the realisation that I'm wasting my life would feel even more sickening and unbearable.

Well I'd say first of all ban yourself from Facebook. Seeing people have nights out and thinking they're out there having the time of their lives could very well be the furtherest from the truth. It will do your happiness no good if you're thinking that everyone out there is living the high life and are perceived and shown to be doing so. It will only make you feel worse about yourself.

What are you interested in? What inspires you that you have a passion about?

Something that is relatively new is that The Gathering Ireland 2013 which has only just launched and Community Meetings will be starting in late June and July and are looking for people to get involved. I only stumbled that through the website itself and there is one for Clare 2nd July in Ennis. There's every chance that it's going to turn into some people might bring a friend for moral support or who might know eachother but there's always people who don't know eachother. I don't know if you'd be interested but at least everyone will be new to the idea and it might attract and appeal to different people.

Recently I wandered along to a festival opening and while there were loads of people who knew eachother, there were plenty of people who didn't and were just wandering around by themselves. Same for a recent meeting I attended and where no formal introductions are made, you just have to brave the whole striking up conversation and not worry about what others think. But at that meeting interestingly enough I was part of a conversation afterwards with one person, something like early or mid 40s, professional and would have thought able to stand up and ask a question at the meeting when the opportunity arose and they couldn't, they were too afraid too. Same with a much older gentleman there with his wife who wanted to go up to meet and talk with someone had to be persuaded by his wife to do so as he was quite shy about it.

There's no shame in going to things alone. You know why most people drag a friend along with them? Because they're too afraid to show up alone and don't have that confidence to walk in a door alone, too worried about what others think and prefer to stay in the comfort zone of hiding in the corner leaning on someone they know rather than be brave and talk to a total stranger and make a new friend or acquaintance or work mate.

Getting involved in something is most likely going to be your best bet especially if it's something you're interested in and have a passion about. Aside from that, taking yourself to new places and expanding your horizons. Some of the best conversations I have had have been total random strangers I've met either at festivals when younger, or just going about my day, people I've met in hostels and only maybe seen for a few hours and never met again. The key is just really putting yourself out there and taking the plunge. If you don't ask the question you don't get an answer. And quite honestly from daily interactions I have people are much more willing to talk and are receptive to the idea than you would think, but don't know how to go about it or just as shy.

EGAR

Being popular on FB is like sitting at the cool table in a mental institution. FB is not real and people who sit all day at a computer to update their status etc have no real life either.

Get out there, volunteer for a charity of your choice, join a club, learn new skills - the possibilities are endless and the only one in your way is yourself .

Raspberries

I felt exactly the same a few months ago. I didn't feel like I had any friends or anyone to turn to. I picked myself up, found stuff I was interested in and went to it. I had to force myself to go sometimes, because I'm quite shy around people I don't know. Especially if I'm there by myself. But you have to put in the effort. That's the main thing, you have to put yourself out there.

Try social clubs, or classes. Is there anything you are interested in? Cookery, Karate? Drama?

Macra na Feirme is great for people in rural areas. It doesn't matter if you're not from a farming background, it's for everyone!

Princess Peach

You really have to force yourself to do the thing you don't want to do, which is show up somewhere alone!

I moved to a new country alone a while back, found out what events were going on in college and just showed up. And everyone was just so friendly, it turned out not to be scary at all.

The best thing I can think of is a pub quiz. Show up, tell the organizer you are alone and they should team you up with someone.

I know you say everyone shows up with a friend to things, but you just have to be brave, go along. When you get there look around for someone who looks nice and just go up and introduce yourself, tell them you here alone but are excited. Most people are a lot friendlier than you believe, you might get lucky and meet some great people!

LegacyUser

Firstly, I'd like to thank each and every one of you that took the time out to reply - this probably reads as a cliche for the great people that contribute to many threads on this forum but I appreciate it immensely.

The thing about me is I want to join a club or society, I just don't know where. One full of people in and around my age (20). Made a profile on a dating website (which said in the description making friends too) a few months ago wanting to meet people to hang out and have fun and stressed I wasn't gay, but still got loads of people replying thinking I was in the proverbial closet lol

Ickle Magoo

There is a Clare forum on Boards HERE - you could try to initiate a Beers?

You could also try looking up events on google, try your local supermarket notice board, any of those free/local paper classifieds, etc, etc.

Another good way to make friends is doing a sport - are there any other sports clubs/event on locally? A cycling or walking club? A martial art? Are there any charity/volunteer groups that could do with another helper? Have a look around & I'm sure you'll be surprised at how much is going on.

All the best. :cool:

HOS 1997

I wouldn't completely rule out Facebook. It's a good way of getting to know people better.

For example, you join a club and meet a potential new friend. Add them as a friend on FB and it's very easy to communicate that way/keep in touch (like a photo, post a message to their wall etc.) Lots of nights out, weekends away etc. are arranged through FB now.

Another piece of advice I got when I was younger and somewhat in your position was to never turn down an invitation. The more you get out and about, the more people you will meet and hopefully friends you'll make.

Piliger

Hi OP .... what do you like doing ? what gets you interested ? from physical activity to intellectual interests ?

coco_lola

One thing I will say - FB is in no way an indicator of popularity, contrary to what some people believe. I have friends who have many friends, extensive social circles, and have loads going on all the time. However their FB has tumbleweed going across it, and they don't have many FB friends. They don't add anyone unless they know them really well, they check their profile probably once a fortnight, so people just dont bother posting.

Have you tried meetup.com to see if there is anything happening in your area? Do you drive?

I really recommend volunteering. You end up spending time with people who like the exact same thing as you, you are there for the same cause, so what better way to start a friendship than things you have in common

Lux23

Do you have any hobbies? The reason I ask is that Boards.ie has a forum devoted to almost everything so why not pick a forum that is about something you are interested in and maybe you will meet like minded people there?