Imnsonia, drunk calls, things falling apart

LegacyUser

Dear all,

I went through a really difficult phase in the past 6 months involving serious health problems.

My job situation is a bit of a disaster too (no payment, working on a loan) and on top of all this, I'm going through hell after the break up of a 2 years relationship which has been dragged into a tormenting situation.

This person is an adorable guy, with a lot to offer and that I love so so dearly, but we just seem to be pressing each others buttons lately, leading to several rows.

The main fights started when changes took place in the dynamics of his access to his two children (from two different mothers), and more especifically, his ex mama drama interfering with our choices and plans.

Now we see each other very little as I got tired of being ditched each time the ex rearranged his plans so they would fit hers.

Following my troubles at work and deteriorating of health (surgeries, etc) I became very clingy, wanting to call him (once a day) and talk through my problems, and of course listen to his. Problem is he is extremely unreliable with the phone, and wont' pick it up for days in a role, which makes me feel rejected, as I think I wouldn't leave a friend in pain down.
So eventually I end up calling him at the end of the week, after some drinks on a friday night, with everything I bottled up all week and angry for being rejected when I needed to talk. And we fight. And he says he can't deal with the calls and we need to break up.

I'm so tired and lonely and weary, I can't sleep properly at night, keep thinking of my job and of the disaster in the relationship, then wrecked in the next day.

Am I wrong in assuming he should provide me emotional support when I'm down, considering we had been in a relationship, we are still friends and all, and considering the amount of pain I'm going through? (he knows I have no family in this country, and very few friends)

Or am I just getting in the way and being selfish / self-centered?

I really appreciate your help - falling apart here, its 6am, didnt get any sleep.

SunnyDub1

Hi Op,

I have to be honest with you here, Personally I think you are been a little selfish - You need to realize that the guys children are a big part of his life and possibly going to come before ANYONE, not just you.
Yes I think it's wrong on his part not returning your call or texts and he should of been making more time for you but going out drinking and screaming and demanding only made the situation worse.

You are wrong by assuming he should provide his emotional support, while he is says he is still your Friend he is in no way obliged to have to look after you and comfort you.
If he wanted to comfort you and be there for you through this rough patch you are going threw he wouldn't of ended the relationship.

I do feel for you and my heart does go out for you, but do you really want to do with someone that has little or no time to see you or even take any of your calls ? Tbh I think he is the one of the reasons why you are feeling so low.
The current relationship set up didn't suit either of you , and that's the cause of all the fights. He wants to be with his kids while you need him to be there for you a lot.

You should really stay off the drink if you are feeling the way you are, drink is usually the devil in these situations.

It sounds like you are at home spending to much time over thinking things (work, relationships) Is there anything else you can do during the day to occupy yourself rather than relying on a call from him all the time ? watch some TV, clean the house, go for a walk, join a class, cook, meet with a friend, there is loads to do to distract your mind and keep yourself busy that will change your mood, and maybe make you feel a little better. Drinking should be the last on the list.

you need not be relying on one person all the time, that goes for all circumstances. You need to grow your own Independence. For the moment Ring a friend,family member go and visit them and have a good long talk, you need someone right now.

Stay strong, it will get easier. You just need to work at it.

neuro-praxis

Correct me if I am wrong (and I may well be) but what I am reading here is that

(a) You dumped him
(b) You are having a hard time in life
(c) You expect him to provide emotional support

Is this correct? If yes, then, yes you are wrong to expect him to be your friend and look after you. Your relationship is over. You are responsible for yourself and for finding a network of friends here, as challenging as that might be. When you break up with someone, they no longer have any obligations to you.

If he has dumped you on the other hand, then it seems to me that you should have the self respect to keep your distance instead of leaning on him and, as you say yourself, being "clingy".

Apologies if I have gotten the wrong end of the stick here.

Whatever the situation, remember that you are responsible for yourself. Consider a bit of counselling. Take good care of your health and get plenty of sleep. Go to the next meet-up of the Ladies Lounge, or find some other way to get out there and meet people. Good luck.

SunnyDub1

Nayla)) wrote: »

And he says he can't deal with the calls and we need to break up.

neuro-praxis wrote: »

(a) You dumped him

He dumped her

neuro-praxis

SunnyDub1 wrote: »

He dumped her

Thanks, I was confused because of this.

Nayla)) wrote: »

Now we see each other very little as I got tired of being ditched each time the ex rearranged his plans so they would fit hers..