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Soon to be adult child of divorce?

  • 29-05-2012 10:37am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hey there... just wondering if anyone has gone through something similar or could offer some advice.

    I'm in my mid twenties, living away from home and an only child and I'm pretty sure my parents are going to be separating soon. My dad is an alcoholic (not abusive or anything while drunk, just a drunk) and has been getting worse in the last few months. My mum is at the end of her tether, loves him so much, but can no longer continue like this and I don't blame her.

    After a few days of not talking they had a big argument (well my dad just sat there drunk while my mum cried, explaining how she was feeling) and she said that unless he changed soon she would be gone.

    My dad won't admit that he has a drinking problem and is unwilling to talk about it. My mum on the other side has no one to talk to about this (except for me and it's tearing me apart). I've tried to get her to talk to family but she's afraid that if she does that he will leave.

    I've looked up marriage counselors etc. for them but as my mum doesn't drive it would be up to my dad to get them there and he doesn't seem to have any intention to.

    Should I make more of an effort to get them to talk to someone or just leave them to their own devices which would encourage a split? I can't watch my mum be so unhappy or watch my dad destroy his life with drink, but I don't know what to do about it all.

    Thanks


Comments

  • #2
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    290512 wrote: »
    Should I make more of an effort to get them to talk to someone or just leave them to their own devices which would encourage a split? I can't watch my mum be so unhappy or watch my dad destroy his life with drink, but I don't know what to do about it all.

    You don't have to do anything.
    I have a daughter in her mid twenties. I would not appreciate her interfering in my decision on how I lead my life.
    I would however, appreciate her offer to help me in anyway she can.

    Tell your mother that you are there for her if she needs your help.
    Do not get involved in their relationship though. They are grown adults and will lead their lives as they see fit.
    I would imagine that your Dad is a bit of a nightmare to live with and am not surprised your Mam has had enough.
    Eventually, with something on going like this, there is a last straw.
    Sounds like she's reached that point.

    As for your Dad, nothing you can do for him until he's ready to sort himself out.

    My uncle was an alcoholic for most of his life.
    He eventually gave it up, but only after his wife of 22 years could take no more of him and left.
    Sometime, it takes something big to knock some sense into an alcoholic.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Firstly, I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. I'm in my early twenties with an alcoholic father whose parents are currently going through a judicial separation.

    With something like alcohol, it's important to have some form of support. If your mother is looking for support, there is a great organisation called al-anon. They are all over the country where people share their experiences and offer support. It may be something you could attend also, if you feel affected by the bad elements of alcoholism.

    As a child who has gone (and still is going) through the bad of alcoholism and parental separation, it is important to not get too entangled in their affairs for your own sanity. I know it's hard when your mother is in tears over your father. But, there is only so much you can do as a son.

    Take care!


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