Etiquette question

Bruce7

This is something I have never quite known how to handle, and the current weather is bringing it up again.

Say you are talking to a girl in a completely non-sexual context - a colleague, a female relation, etc. - and she's showing a bit of cleavage, or skin, or whatever. Where do you look?

I find myself studiously avoiding whatever area is exposed but this seems to make the girls in question uncomfortable, and make them try to cover up. Recently I was in a meeting beside a very senior female colleague who was visiting, and her skirt had ridden up a good bit higher than her knee when she sat down. I was aware of this, but at no point did I look directly at her lap. But the whole time, she was clearly uncomfortable and kept tugging at her hem.

So what do you do in situations like this? It seems to me that women pick up on the fact that I'm deliberately not looking, and this makes them self-conscious, but looking doesn't seem like a safe alternative either.

Any advice appreciated.

christmas2012

imagine something completely different in your minds eye whatever works

Kooli

Bruce7 wrote: »

So what do you do in situations like this? It seems to me that women pick up on the fact that I'm deliberately not looking, and this makes them self-conscious, but looking doesn't seem like a safe alternative either.

Any advice appreciated.

I don't see how someone could be made self-conscious by the fact that you are not looking at their legs or chest.

LittleBook

Bruce7 wrote: »

Say you are talking to a girl in a completely non-sexual context - a colleague, a female relation, etc. - and she's showing a bit of cleavage, or skin, or whatever. Where do you look?

I tend to look at people's eyes/faces when I'm talking to them. Your female relations in particular will appreciate this.

Bruce7 wrote: »

I find myself studiously avoiding whatever area is exposed but this seems to make the girls in question uncomfortable, and make them try to cover up ... It seems to me that women pick up on the fact that I'm deliberately not looking, and this makes them self-conscious, but looking doesn't seem like a safe alternative either.

Yes, your inability keep your eyes off their laps or cleavage is blatantly obvious to them and that's what makes them uncomfortable.

Bruce7

LittleBook wrote: »

I tend to look at people's eyes/faces when I'm talking to them. Your female relations in particular will appreciate this.

I tend to read posts, and listen to what people say, before replying to them.

LittleBook wrote: »

Yes, your inability keep your eyes off their laps or cleavage is blatantly obvious to them and that's what makes them uncomfortable.

As I clearly stated above, I studiously avoid looking anywhere near the exposed areas.

Bruce7

Kooli wrote: »

I don't see how someone could be made self-conscious by the fact that you are not looking at their legs or chest.

I'm no body language expert, but in most face to face interactions, I believe people frequently look away from each other in various different directions. If one direction is pretty much off limits for one of the people, then the other one will notice that they are not behaving the way they usually do. In my case, despite the other poster's helpful suggestion, I look at their faces much more than I normally would.

If their skirt has ridden up and someone is talking to them they'll be self conscious about it no matter where you're looking
for the rest, if you're more studiously staring at their face it'll come across more intense and again make them more self conscious

you'll just have to stop thinking about what they have covered or not and focus on the actual conversation

Sorry OP, I don't think this is really pertinent to the Ladies Lounge.

For the record, you're not going to get yourself in any bother by making eye contact with someone.

Cheers

whoopsadaisydoodles