Being a broody and paternal guy!

C.D.

I am curious to know whether any other Clubbers feel the same way or indeed their opinion on how society views the following. I’m 25, single, no kids. Few long term relationships but wouldn’t want kids for at least 4 years. I’d get married tomorrow if I met the right girl though- I firmly believe it is better to marry the right person at the “wrong” time instead of waiting till the “right” time (30+) and marrying the wrong person.

I am a pretty paternal guy. In fact, I’m the most paternal guy I know. I turn into goo around babies and just generally love kids. I honestly just think they are awesome. I’m that guy who will happily play with kids for hours. I also feel very strong protective and territorial instincts whenever I feel a child / mother is in danger.

Pretty much all my big hopes (meeting the girl of my dreams, settling down and making babies) and big fears (outliving my kids, my child having a terminal illness, never meeting anyone, not being able to have kids) revolve around kids. In fact I’m fighting back a surge of emotion just thinking about how I’d feel if my kids were very sick.

It’s pretty normal, even expected for some women to feel this away about children. Do other guys feel paternal and broody? How do the lady Clubbers view such guys?

To get to the meat of my post, I have often found that people’s reactions range from “Aw, that’s so cute” to viewing me with suspicion. It really saddens me, that as a man, society is less accepting of men being paternal and broody. Society frowns on men having close relationships with children who are not related to them and indeed on men who choose to work with children. Understandably, it is due to a small minority of men who do unspeakable things, but to tar everyone else with the same brush is very sad. I’d never allow myself to left alone with someone else’s child just in case an allegation was ever made and I know plenty of other guys (and girls!) who would feel the same way- how sad is that that we are all so terrified of an allegation of pedophilia?

I really do think close relationships with adults of both genders are very important to kids. I’m sure we can all remember how important our fathers/brothers/uncles were to us- male role models are fundamental to a child’s upbringing. Even more so if the father is not around. Are we moving towards a society where the only close relationships between a man and child will be if they related?

Andy!!

I'm the same as you I would have the same fears as well, must be awful worrying all the time once you actually become a parent. Nowt wrong with being a guy and liking kids, and wanting lots of your own one day (and taking an active role in their lives).

Giselle

I'm certainly not suspicious of broody or paternal men. I find men who adamantly state that they hate children, and become irritated at the presence of a child, hard to relate to.

I am a pretty maternal type myself and could never contemplate a serious relationship with a guy who rules out children. Its one thing I'm sure of, and have been all my life. When the time and circumstances are right, I want to be a parent.

Because of that, when I meet men who are obviously interested in, and good with children, I find them rather attractive.

Varied

Not exactly paternal, but I'm warming to the idea of fatherhood.

Would have been dead against it a good few years ago.

Definitely not for a few years though.

Das Kitty

My husband's like that. He goes to mush over babies.

We have one child, but I reckon he'd be quite happy if we had ten :eek:

I, on the other hand, have never been broody. We'll probably have another child at some point, but he misery of the newborn stage is staying fresh with me 2 years down the line. :pac:

Lyaiera

I was on the train down from Dublin. There was a family sitting opposite me, a mother, father and two year old toddler. The two year old was a really happy kid, obviously had a busy day and soon fell asleep. He was sitting on his father's lap all tiny and cute and his father had him bundled up and was holding him tight. It was so gorgeous to see. I wanted to have a big smile plastered on me the whole way down but restrained myself so no-one would think I was a loony.

It was the perfect picture of a strong, happy man with being so protective and caring of his babby. It was beautiful.

C.D. I hope you find a woman who you'll be happy enough to have that experience with. I'm sure you will and I'm sure you'll be a great father.

G-Money

I don't know if I'm getting broody, but while I still feel young, hitting 35 has started to bother me. I'm still single and haven't had an LTR to this point which isn't for the lack of wanting one. I guess it bothers me as most people seemed to be married by my age and have had a few trial relationships with others that haven't worked out, before settling down. Anything I've had, has been short term and I'm starting to wonder will I ever have a proper relationship. I also find myself starting to think what age will I ever get around to having children.

I personally can't stand other people's children but I suspect I'd be different with my own.

capefear

Id be the same. For years the taught of kids was a big no no. didnt want them always joked that kids were great but it was always good to hand them back to there parents after an hour. But over the last couple of years I have started to want kids, it didnt really hit home until my brother and sister started having them and I would spend hours playing with them ( the kids ) on the floor. I was in a eight year relationship that finished last year and im 41 this year I only pray to god that I have not left it to late, all do its not looking good.

All the money in the world can not buy you the happniess, you feel when your nephew sees you at the door and runs with excitment to you and jumps into your arms and gives you a big kiss. Imagine what its like if its your son.

BigDuffman

You're not alone mate I'm fairly broody for a 25 year old lad. I love kids. Can't wait for my own / nephews or nieces. In saying that I'm single and not planning to get hitched any time soon.

But when time is right I shall be substituting the womans pill for tic tacs.

Malari

BigDuffman wrote: »

But when time is right I shall be substituting the womans pill for tic tacs.

:eek:

I know plenty of guys who want kids. I think it's just as common as women wanting kids in my group of friends and aquaintances. I don't think it's as unusual as you think, OP.

C.D.

Giselle wrote: »

I am a pretty maternal type myself and could never contemplate a serious relationship with a guy who rules out children. Its one thing I'm sure of, and have been all my life. When the time and circumstances are right, I want to be a parent.

Because of that, when I meet men who are obviously interested in, and good with children, I find them rather attractive.

Yup, it's a dealbreaker for me too! Likewise I find maternal women very attractive if they are smart too then I'm totally sold! Also throw in someone who will spend Saturday night on the dancefloor with me and I'm happy out

Lyaiera wrote: »

It was the perfect picture of a strong, happy man with being so protective and caring of his babby. It was beautiful.

C.D. I hope you find a woman who you'll be happy enough to have that experience with. I'm sure you will and I'm sure you'll be a great father.

That's a great story. I can't wait to dress mine up in completely ridiculous outfits and take dozens of pictures to embarrass them later in life! I hope I find her too, though maybe she'll find me ^^

capefear wrote: »

All the money in the world can not buy you the happniess, you feel when your nephew sees you at the door and runs with excitment to you and jumps into your arms and gives you a big kiss. Imagine what its like if its your son.

That's exactly the kind of stuff I don't need to hear. Has put a big stupid smile on my face. Must start dropping hints to my sisters, being an uncle can be like "Babies-lite" for me!

Malari wrote: »

:eek:

I know plenty of guys who want kids. I think it's just as common as women wanting kids in my group of friends and aquaintances. I don't think it's as unusual as you think, OP.

Great to see lots of guys posting here too. It's funny because there seem to be a few of us of here yet none of my friends feel the same way. Maybe someone is just putting estrogen in my water

staker

Great Post OP!

I'm a very different person around kids as opposed to adults, I could say I prefer their company tbh.
I don't know exactly what it is you're looking for in reply to your own post, but my general feelings regarding kids are to be very careful around them,in public or private. By this I mean I've often gotten looks off moms and dads when I've been caught smiling at their toddler or messing with them. I'm not a "durrty 'aul man" but it's the most uncomfortable feeling when you sense what they may be thinking of you.
I work with the public and have often given kids a euro for sweets and while most recognise it for what it's meant,there's a very fine line with some.

Wanting to be a dad is the most natural and frustrating thing in the world,but hope should never be lost! It took me nigh on 13 years to realise my dream!

cheesefiend

I often think about that staker. I work in a shopping center in a small shop on my own. Every weekend a little girl comes in to see me and we have a small chat before she runs back to her mother. I often think that if I were a man her mother probably wouldn't allow her to come see me every Saturday. That would be such a shame because she really brightens up my day.

Anyway, I can't wait to have kids. I'm only twenty and know that I'm in no position to have a baby but it's hard to remember that sometimes. I think about being a mother all the time, but know that I have a lot of other things to do before I start a family.

YouTookMyName

If I could afford them i'd have them. I'd love to be a dad, Been like that for years.

nozzferrahhtoo

C.D. wrote: »

It’s pretty normal, even expected for some women to feel this away about children. Do other guys feel paternal and broody?

I would say you are far from the only guy to feel intense and powerful emotions related to children. The late Christopher Hitchens in his memoirs once wrote a line so moving on the subject that I can quote it from memory:

"To be the father of growing daughters is to understand something of what Yeats evokes with his imperishable phrase 'terrible beauty.' Nothing can make one so happily exhilarated or so frightened: it's a solid lesson in the limitations of self to realize that your heart is running around inside someone else's body. It also makes me quite astonishingly calm at the thought of death: I know whom I would die to protect"

Giselle

nozzferrahhtoo wrote: »

"To be the father of growing daughters is to understand something of what Yeats evokes with his imperishable phrase 'terrible beauty.' Nothing can make one so happily exhilarated or so frightened: it's a solid lesson in the limitations of self to realize that your heart is running around inside someone else's body. It also makes me quite astonishingly calm at the thought of death: I know whom I would die to protect"

I cried when I first read that. Just choked up again.

Its hard to grasp the enormity and terrible simplicity of loving someone more than life itself, but I hope I'll know first hand that 'terrible beauty' sometime in the future.

CageWager

I find having kids around is a great excuse to play with lego.

MagicMarker

I hate kids, hate them.

Newborns are cute but puppies are cuter.

JimmyCrackCorn

I would love kids but still a few years down the road for me.

The responsibility that goes with it is a little bit scary.

I often joked about having 9.5 or 10.5 kids. Never goes down well.

Galwayguy35

Yeah I would be the same as the other posters here in that I would want kids of my own someday. I'm 37 now and I suppose I thought when I was younger that it would have happened by now but things didn't work out like that.
My own father was 57 when I was born and while that might seem very old to some he was a good father to us, but there was a big generation gap there at the same time.
But I remain hopeful that in the next few years I will meet the right person and have a family.

UL_heart_throb

To be honest a lot of ye sound like 14 year old girls. Are you mindful of the piss **** and vomit you will have to clean up? Are you aware how much anxiety and worry comes with parenthood? Do you know how much of your free time you will lose?

Societies rules for dealing with children is fairly crystal clear. As a adult male stay away from other people's kids unless they've been entrusted to you and never let another adult male near your own kids without your permission.

"OMG babies are so cute". WTF is this.

Giselle

UL_heart_throb wrote: »

To be honest a lot of ye sound like 14 year old girls. Are you mindful of the piss **** and vomit you will have to clean up? Are you aware how much anxiety and worry comes with parenthood? Do you know how much of your free time you will lose?

Societies rules for dealing with children is fairly crystal clear. As a adult male stay away from other people's kids unless they've been entrusted to you and never let another adult male near your own kids without your permission.

"OMG babies are so cute". WTF is this.

Do you really think that people aren't aware of the 'piss **** and vomit'? Is that really what you think its all about?

They just happen to see a bigger picture in parenthood than a loss of free time, and are mature enough to look past wiping up a big of baby sick.

The 14 year old girl crack is typically the reason why men (yes, real men) don't feel comfortable publicly discussing very real paternal feelings and urges.

WTF is this indeed.

UL_heart_throb

Giselle wrote: »

Do you really think that people aren't aware of the 'piss **** and vomit'? Is that really what you think its all about?

I don't know, how about the original poster tells us how many nappies he's changed in his life time.

They just happen to see a bigger picture in parenthood than a loss of free time, and are mature enough to look past wiping up a big of baby sick.

Well that's your interpretation, and it's wrong. What we're seeing is men focusing on one aspect of parenthood - the duality of joy and fear of having offspring.

The 14 year old girl crack is typically the reason why men (yes, real men) don't feel comfortable publicly discussing very real paternal feelings and urges.

Well it's a pity these real men feel so insecure and frightened by people challenging their proclamations of paternalism.

WTF is this indeed.

Nice white...princessing... all the same

Yea pretty gooey and paternal myself. The girls want 4 kids and we have had 1 so far. Working on number 2 and can hardly wait.

tbh

UL_heart_throb wrote: »

To be honest a lot of ye sound like 14 year old girls. Are you mindful of the piss **** and vomit you will have to clean up? Are you aware how much anxiety and worry comes with parenthood? Do you know how much of your free time you will lose?

you sound like you're terrified of kids! piss **** and vomit - meh. it happens. little fella puked on me last night as it goes. No biggie.

anxiety and worry - yep. wouldn't be worth doing if you weren't worried or anxious about it.

Free time - whatever. I had 20 years of my adult life to get baked and sleep in.
Guess what? I'd much rather be up at 0630 playing lego with my son than sleeping till noon and drinking all night...some would say it's a sign of maturity

MagicMarker

I don't want kids but I also don't want to spend my nights getting hammered, the two have nothing to do with each other. Likewise maturity doesn't enter the equation imo.

tbh

MagicMarker wrote: »

I don't want kids but I also don't want to spend my nights getting hammered, the two have nothing to do with each other. Likewise maturity doesn't enter the equation imo.

well I was dealing specifically with ULs post, I wasn't for a second claiming it was a binary choice.

I'd also think that maturity has a big part to play when weighing up between having a child or having to deal with dirty nappies.

UL_heart_throb

tbh wrote: »

you sound like you're terrified of kids!

How did you get that impression?

piss **** and vomit - meh. it happens. little fella puked on me last night as it goes. No biggie.

Didn't say it was.

Guess what? I'd much rather be up at 0630 playing lego with my son than sleeping till noon and drinking all night...some would say it's a sign of maturity

It's a sign of obligation, not sure if maturity comes into it.

UL_heart_throb

tbh wrote: »

well I was dealing specifically with ULs post, I wasn't for a second claiming it was a binary choice.

I'd also think that maturity has a big part to play when weighing up between having a child or having to deal with dirty nappies.

Well seeing as your brought up your own story. Would I be correct in assuming your first child came into your life as an accident?

tbh

UL_heart_throb wrote: »

Well seeing as your brought up your own story. Would I be correct in assuming your first child came into your life as an accident?

nope.

tbh

UL_heart_throb wrote: »

How did you get that impression?

well, when I think of kids, I'm not thinking:

UL_heart_throb wrote: »

To be honest a lot of ye sound like 14 year old girls. Are you mindful of the piss **** and vomit you will have to clean up? Are you aware how much anxiety and worry comes with parenthood? Do you know how much of your free time you will lose?

Didn't say it was.

kinda did.

It's a sign of obligation, not sure if maturity comes into it.

I'm guessing you're a young man, not long out of college. That'd be a big part of why you think of children in terms of obligation, piss, ****, vomit, no free time etc.

That's cool, you may change as you get older, you may not. For me and my wife, it was a conscious choice. Not everybody sees things the same way as you.