Being a broody and paternal guy!

C.D.

I am curious to know whether any other Clubbers feel the same way or indeed their opinion on how society views the following. I’m 25, single, no kids. Few long term relationships but wouldn’t want kids for at least 4 years. I’d get married tomorrow if I met the right girl though- I firmly believe it is better to marry the right person at the “wrong” time instead of waiting till the “right” time (30+) and marrying the wrong person.

I am a pretty paternal guy. In fact, I’m the most paternal guy I know. I turn into goo around babies and just generally love kids. I honestly just think they are awesome. I’m that guy who will happily play with kids for hours. I also feel very strong protective and territorial instincts whenever I feel a child / mother is in danger.

Pretty much all my big hopes (meeting the girl of my dreams, settling down and making babies) and big fears (outliving my kids, my child having a terminal illness, never meeting anyone, not being able to have kids) revolve around kids. In fact I’m fighting back a surge of emotion just thinking about how I’d feel if my kids were very sick.

It’s pretty normal, even expected for some women to feel this away about children. Do other guys feel paternal and broody? How do the lady Clubbers view such guys?

To get to the meat of my post, I have often found that people’s reactions range from “Aw, that’s so cute” to viewing me with suspicion. It really saddens me, that as a man, society is less accepting of men being paternal and broody. Society frowns on men having close relationships with children who are not related to them and indeed on men who choose to work with children. Understandably, it is due to a small minority of men who do unspeakable things, but to tar everyone else with the same brush is very sad. I’d never allow myself to left alone with someone else’s child just in case an allegation was ever made and I know plenty of other guys (and girls!) who would feel the same way- how sad is that that we are all so terrified of an allegation of pedophilia?

I really do think close relationships with adults of both genders are very important to kids. I’m sure we can all remember how important our fathers/brothers/uncles were to us- male role models are fundamental to a child’s upbringing. Even more so if the father is not around. Are we moving towards a society where the only close relationships between a man and child will be if they related?

Andy!!

I'm the same as you I would have the same fears as well, must be awful worrying all the time once you actually become a parent. Nowt wrong with being a guy and liking kids, and wanting lots of your own one day (and taking an active role in their lives).

Giselle

I'm certainly not suspicious of broody or paternal men. I find men who adamantly state that they hate children, and become irritated at the presence of a child, hard to relate to.

I am a pretty maternal type myself and could never contemplate a serious relationship with a guy who rules out children. Its one thing I'm sure of, and have been all my life. When the time and circumstances are right, I want to be a parent.

Because of that, when I meet men who are obviously interested in, and good with children, I find them rather attractive.

Varied

Not exactly paternal, but I'm warming to the idea of fatherhood.

Would have been dead against it a good few years ago.

Definitely not for a few years though.

Das Kitty

My husband's like that. He goes to mush over babies.

We have one child, but I reckon he'd be quite happy if we had ten :eek:

I, on the other hand, have never been broody. We'll probably have another child at some point, but he misery of the newborn stage is staying fresh with me 2 years down the line. :pac:

Lyaiera

I was on the train down from Dublin. There was a family sitting opposite me, a mother, father and two year old toddler. The two year old was a really happy kid, obviously had a busy day and soon fell asleep. He was sitting on his father's lap all tiny and cute and his father had him bundled up and was holding him tight. It was so gorgeous to see. I wanted to have a big smile plastered on me the whole way down but restrained myself so no-one would think I was a loony.

It was the perfect picture of a strong, happy man with being so protective and caring of his babby. It was beautiful.

C.D. I hope you find a woman who you'll be happy enough to have that experience with. I'm sure you will and I'm sure you'll be a great father.

G-Money

I don't know if I'm getting broody, but while I still feel young, hitting 35 has started to bother me. I'm still single and haven't had an LTR to this point which isn't for the lack of wanting one. I guess it bothers me as most people seemed to be married by my age and have had a few trial relationships with others that haven't worked out, before settling down. Anything I've had, has been short term and I'm starting to wonder will I ever have a proper relationship. I also find myself starting to think what age will I ever get around to having children.

I personally can't stand other people's children but I suspect I'd be different with my own.

capefear

Id be the same. For years the taught of kids was a big no no. didnt want them always joked that kids were great but it was always good to hand them back to there parents after an hour. But over the last couple of years I have started to want kids, it didnt really hit home until my brother and sister started having them and I would spend hours playing with them ( the kids ) on the floor. I was in a eight year relationship that finished last year and im 41 this year I only pray to god that I have not left it to late, all do its not looking good.

All the money in the world can not buy you the happniess, you feel when your nephew sees you at the door and runs with excitment to you and jumps into your arms and gives you a big kiss. Imagine what its like if its your son.

BigDuffman

You're not alone mate I'm fairly broody for a 25 year old lad. I love kids. Can't wait for my own / nephews or nieces. In saying that I'm single and not planning to get hitched any time soon.

But when time is right I shall be substituting the womans pill for tic tacs.

Malari

BigDuffman wrote: »

But when time is right I shall be substituting the womans pill for tic tacs.

:eek:

I know plenty of guys who want kids. I think it's just as common as women wanting kids in my group of friends and aquaintances. I don't think it's as unusual as you think, OP.

C.D.

Giselle wrote: »

I am a pretty maternal type myself and could never contemplate a serious relationship with a guy who rules out children. Its one thing I'm sure of, and have been all my life. When the time and circumstances are right, I want to be a parent.

Because of that, when I meet men who are obviously interested in, and good with children, I find them rather attractive.

Yup, it's a dealbreaker for me too! Likewise I find maternal women very attractive if they are smart too then I'm totally sold! Also throw in someone who will spend Saturday night on the dancefloor with me and I'm happy out

Lyaiera wrote: »

It was the perfect picture of a strong, happy man with being so protective and caring of his babby. It was beautiful.

C.D. I hope you find a woman who you'll be happy enough to have that experience with. I'm sure you will and I'm sure you'll be a great father.

That's a great story. I can't wait to dress mine up in completely ridiculous outfits and take dozens of pictures to embarrass them later in life! I hope I find her too, though maybe she'll find me ^^

capefear wrote: »

All the money in the world can not buy you the happniess, you feel when your nephew sees you at the door and runs with excitment to you and jumps into your arms and gives you a big kiss. Imagine what its like if its your son.

That's exactly the kind of stuff I don't need to hear. Has put a big stupid smile on my face. Must start dropping hints to my sisters, being an uncle can be like "Babies-lite" for me!

Malari wrote: »

:eek:

I know plenty of guys who want kids. I think it's just as common as women wanting kids in my group of friends and aquaintances. I don't think it's as unusual as you think, OP.

Great to see lots of guys posting here too. It's funny because there seem to be a few of us of here yet none of my friends feel the same way. Maybe someone is just putting estrogen in my water

staker

Great Post OP!

I'm a very different person around kids as opposed to adults, I could say I prefer their company tbh.
I don't know exactly what it is you're looking for in reply to your own post, but my general feelings regarding kids are to be very careful around them,in public or private. By this I mean I've often gotten looks off moms and dads when I've been caught smiling at their toddler or messing with them. I'm not a "durrty 'aul man" but it's the most uncomfortable feeling when you sense what they may be thinking of you.
I work with the public and have often given kids a euro for sweets and while most recognise it for what it's meant,there's a very fine line with some.

Wanting to be a dad is the most natural and frustrating thing in the world,but hope should never be lost! It took me nigh on 13 years to realise my dream!

cheesefiend

I often think about that staker. I work in a shopping center in a small shop on my own. Every weekend a little girl comes in to see me and we have a small chat before she runs back to her mother. I often think that if I were a man her mother probably wouldn't allow her to come see me every Saturday. That would be such a shame because she really brightens up my day.

Anyway, I can't wait to have kids. I'm only twenty and know that I'm in no position to have a baby but it's hard to remember that sometimes. I think about being a mother all the time, but know that I have a lot of other things to do before I start a family.

YouTookMyName

If I could afford them i'd have them. I'd love to be a dad, Been like that for years.

nozzferrahhtoo

C.D. wrote: »

It’s pretty normal, even expected for some women to feel this away about children. Do other guys feel paternal and broody?

I would say you are far from the only guy to feel intense and powerful emotions related to children. The late Christopher Hitchens in his memoirs once wrote a line so moving on the subject that I can quote it from memory:

"To be the father of growing daughters is to understand something of what Yeats evokes with his imperishable phrase 'terrible beauty.' Nothing can make one so happily exhilarated or so frightened: it's a solid lesson in the limitations of self to realize that your heart is running around inside someone else's body. It also makes me quite astonishingly calm at the thought of death: I know whom I would die to protect"

Giselle

nozzferrahhtoo wrote: »

"To be the father of growing daughters is to understand something of what Yeats evokes with his imperishable phrase 'terrible beauty.' Nothing can make one so happily exhilarated or so frightened: it's a solid lesson in the limitations of self to realize that your heart is running around inside someone else's body. It also makes me quite astonishingly calm at the thought of death: I know whom I would die to protect"

I cried when I first read that. Just choked up again.

Its hard to grasp the enormity and terrible simplicity of loving someone more than life itself, but I hope I'll know first hand that 'terrible beauty' sometime in the future.

CageWager

I find having kids around is a great excuse to play with lego.

MagicMarker

I hate kids, hate them.

Newborns are cute but puppies are cuter.

JimmyCrackCorn

I would love kids but still a few years down the road for me.

The responsibility that goes with it is a little bit scary.

I often joked about having 9.5 or 10.5 kids. Never goes down well.

Galwayguy35

Yeah I would be the same as the other posters here in that I would want kids of my own someday. I'm 37 now and I suppose I thought when I was younger that it would have happened by now but things didn't work out like that.
My own father was 57 when I was born and while that might seem very old to some he was a good father to us, but there was a big generation gap there at the same time.
But I remain hopeful that in the next few years I will meet the right person and have a family.

UL_heart_throb

To be honest a lot of ye sound like 14 year old girls. Are you mindful of the piss **** and vomit you will have to clean up? Are you aware how much anxiety and worry comes with parenthood? Do you know how much of your free time you will lose?

Societies rules for dealing with children is fairly crystal clear. As a adult male stay away from other people's kids unless they've been entrusted to you and never let another adult male near your own kids without your permission.

"OMG babies are so cute". WTF is this.

Giselle

UL_heart_throb wrote: »

To be honest a lot of ye sound like 14 year old girls. Are you mindful of the piss **** and vomit you will have to clean up? Are you aware how much anxiety and worry comes with parenthood? Do you know how much of your free time you will lose?

Societies rules for dealing with children is fairly crystal clear. As a adult male stay away from other people's kids unless they've been entrusted to you and never let another adult male near your own kids without your permission.

"OMG babies are so cute". WTF is this.

Do you really think that people aren't aware of the 'piss **** and vomit'? Is that really what you think its all about?

They just happen to see a bigger picture in parenthood than a loss of free time, and are mature enough to look past wiping up a big of baby sick.

The 14 year old girl crack is typically the reason why men (yes, real men) don't feel comfortable publicly discussing very real paternal feelings and urges.

WTF is this indeed.

UL_heart_throb

Giselle wrote: »

Do you really think that people aren't aware of the 'piss **** and vomit'? Is that really what you think its all about?

I don't know, how about the original poster tells us how many nappies he's changed in his life time.

They just happen to see a bigger picture in parenthood than a loss of free time, and are mature enough to look past wiping up a big of baby sick.

Well that's your interpretation, and it's wrong. What we're seeing is men focusing on one aspect of parenthood - the duality of joy and fear of having offspring.

The 14 year old girl crack is typically the reason why men (yes, real men) don't feel comfortable publicly discussing very real paternal feelings and urges.

Well it's a pity these real men feel so insecure and frightened by people challenging their proclamations of paternalism.

WTF is this indeed.

Nice white...princessing... all the same

Yea pretty gooey and paternal myself. The girls want 4 kids and we have had 1 so far. Working on number 2 and can hardly wait.

tbh

UL_heart_throb wrote: »

To be honest a lot of ye sound like 14 year old girls. Are you mindful of the piss **** and vomit you will have to clean up? Are you aware how much anxiety and worry comes with parenthood? Do you know how much of your free time you will lose?

you sound like you're terrified of kids! piss **** and vomit - meh. it happens. little fella puked on me last night as it goes. No biggie.

anxiety and worry - yep. wouldn't be worth doing if you weren't worried or anxious about it.

Free time - whatever. I had 20 years of my adult life to get baked and sleep in.
Guess what? I'd much rather be up at 0630 playing lego with my son than sleeping till noon and drinking all night...some would say it's a sign of maturity

MagicMarker

I don't want kids but I also don't want to spend my nights getting hammered, the two have nothing to do with each other. Likewise maturity doesn't enter the equation imo.

tbh

MagicMarker wrote: »

I don't want kids but I also don't want to spend my nights getting hammered, the two have nothing to do with each other. Likewise maturity doesn't enter the equation imo.

well I was dealing specifically with ULs post, I wasn't for a second claiming it was a binary choice.

I'd also think that maturity has a big part to play when weighing up between having a child or having to deal with dirty nappies.

UL_heart_throb

tbh wrote: »

you sound like you're terrified of kids!

How did you get that impression?

piss **** and vomit - meh. it happens. little fella puked on me last night as it goes. No biggie.

Didn't say it was.

Guess what? I'd much rather be up at 0630 playing lego with my son than sleeping till noon and drinking all night...some would say it's a sign of maturity

It's a sign of obligation, not sure if maturity comes into it.

UL_heart_throb

tbh wrote: »

well I was dealing specifically with ULs post, I wasn't for a second claiming it was a binary choice.

I'd also think that maturity has a big part to play when weighing up between having a child or having to deal with dirty nappies.

Well seeing as your brought up your own story. Would I be correct in assuming your first child came into your life as an accident?

tbh

UL_heart_throb wrote: »

Well seeing as your brought up your own story. Would I be correct in assuming your first child came into your life as an accident?

nope.

tbh

UL_heart_throb wrote: »

How did you get that impression?

well, when I think of kids, I'm not thinking:

UL_heart_throb wrote: »

To be honest a lot of ye sound like 14 year old girls. Are you mindful of the piss **** and vomit you will have to clean up? Are you aware how much anxiety and worry comes with parenthood? Do you know how much of your free time you will lose?

Didn't say it was.

kinda did.

It's a sign of obligation, not sure if maturity comes into it.

I'm guessing you're a young man, not long out of college. That'd be a big part of why you think of children in terms of obligation, piss, ****, vomit, no free time etc.

That's cool, you may change as you get older, you may not. For me and my wife, it was a conscious choice. Not everybody sees things the same way as you.

UL_heart_throb

tbh wrote: »

well, when I think of kids, I'm not thinking

Are you not? That part of it just doesn't pop into your head no?

kinda did.

Kinda didn't.

I'm guessing you're a young man, not long out of college.

I thought you were someone who had a kid at 20 by a contraceptive mishap, and I was wrong, you are also wrong in your assumptions about me.

That'd be a big part of why you think of children in terms of obligation, piss, ****, vomit, no free time etc.

Do you know what the word obligation means? You are obliged to look after your children.

That's cool, you may change as you get older, you may not. wife

Change what? Your duty to you children does not end legally until they are 18 and morally at another point in time.

For me and my it was a conscious choice. Not everybody sees things the same way as you.

You don't know how I see things. Don't give me this "when you get to my age sonny crap. You have a child or children and you seem pretty content with that. You have made sacrifices for them. You're entitled to feel your life is improved by their precence in your life.

You're not entitled to be patronising and I don't have to tolerate your smug attitude.

UL_heart_throb

UL_heart_throb wrote: »

To be honest a lot of ye sound like 14 year old girls.

UL_heart_throb wrote: »

You're not entitled to be patronising and I don't have to tolerate your smug attitude.

likewise

Panthro

Right lads, enough is enough. Lets nip that little spat right now.

christmas2012

I wouldnt worry cd you will meet someone,remember youre still 25,and guys dont have to worry about that ticking clock like girls do,guys can get away with being single for longer,i was with a guy(he was a nightmare in fact every girls nightmare) in a well it was bull****e i coudlnt even call it a relationship looking back he was not parternal with me i think he fancied his chances just like me needless to say it didnt work out it was the best thing that ever happened went on a speed date recently and im now with someone who is completely different in every way

what im saying is things have a way of working out there are plenty of maternal broody type girls out there you will meet someone eventually

MagicMarker

tbh wrote: »

well I was dealing specifically with ULs post, I wasn't for a second claiming it was a binary choice.

I'd also think that maturity has a big part to play when weighing up between having a child or having to deal with dirty nappies.

Well if you don't want kids solely for the reason that you don't want to change nappies, well that's just plain silly.

I don't want kids just because I'm not that fond of kids, not having to change nappies is just an added brucey bonus.

Pembily

My brother and best friend are both really paternal as is my dad, total sweethearts and I think it's lovely. Seeing a guy with kids in the park, playing or just minding etc is really nice to see and always makes me smile!

On the suspicion side, it's heart breaking, I have caught myself thinking it a few times before and I stop myself as it's not right.

C.D.

UL_heart_throb wrote: »

To be honest a lot of ye sound like 14 year old girls. Are you mindful of the piss **** and vomit you will have to clean up? Are you aware how much anxiety and worry comes with parenthood? Do you know how much of your free time you will lose?

Societies rules for dealing with children is fairly crystal clear. As a adult male stay away from other people's kids unless they've been entrusted to you and never let another adult male near your own kids without your permission.

"OMG babies are so cute". WTF is this.

I actually think this post is the single most valuable contribution to this thread. It encompasses, exactly, the attitude a large section of society has towards men and babies.

To show any kind of interest in kids is at best to emasculate oneself; at worst, if they are not related to you it is sinister.

Which is a totally bizarre attitude. The role of a father or protector is as manly as it gets! I’m definitely not a 14 year old girl anatomically or otherwise. While not being a 7ft walking slab of muscle, I have my fair share of “Alpha” attributes as loath as I am to use the term. Yet I still love kids!

The above attitude is a very sad state of affairs. Kids, irrespective of background, are universally in need of protection, guidance and nurturing from society (they are the future after all) yet why is it really only socially acceptable for half of society to do this? I honestly think a lack of strong male role models and adult male relationships is what leads to the higher number of guys becoming violent and dysfunctional.

And I naive about babies? Maybe. And I inexperienced? Definitely. I’ve thought long and hard about the sacrifices involved- professionally, personally, romantically, socially and financially. But the fact that I have thought about these things, I’ve talked about them and debated them endlessly with myself and still think it is the single most fulfilling thing to do with my life means I know I’m cut out to be a Dad. Not so sure about you

And I’m evidently not afraid to proclaim my paternalism! Though I’m rarely afraid of proclaiming anything I feel strongly about whether it be from behind a keyboard or a podium!

C.D.

CageWager wrote: »

I find having kids around is a great excuse to play with lego.

This! Did you know that boys of all ages and nationalities agreed that a Lego castle with no dragon was worse than no castle at all?!

Giselle wrote: »

Do you really think that people aren't aware of the 'piss **** and vomit'? Is that really what you think its all about?

They just happen to see a bigger picture in parenthood than a loss of free time, and are mature enough to look past wiping up a big of baby sick.

The 14 year old girl crack is typically the reason why men (yes, real men) don't feel comfortable publicly discussing very real paternal feelings and urges.

WTF is this indeed.

Rawr, you go get him!

Chet Zar

nozzferrahhtoo wrote: »

I would say you are far from the only guy to feel intense and powerful emotions related to children. The late Christopher Hitchens in his memoirs once wrote a line so moving on the subject that I can quote it from memory:

"To be the father of growing daughters is to understand something of what Yeats evokes with his imperishable phrase 'terrible beauty.' Nothing can make one so happily exhilarated or so frightened: it's a solid lesson in the limitations of self to realize that your heart is running around inside someone else's body. It also makes me quite astonishingly calm at the thought of death: I know whom I would die to protect"

That's epic...what you'd expect from him. I must start reading some of his stuff, he was an amazing writer and amazingly articulate by the sounds of it.

Giselle

C.D. wrote: »

Rawr, you go get him!

Was lost on him

UL_heart_throb

C.D. wrote: »

I actually think this post is the single most valuable contribution to this thread. It encompasses, exactly, the attitude a large section of society has towards men and babies.

To show any kind of interest in kids is at best to emasculate oneself; at worst, if they are not related to you it is sinister.

Are we inagreement that this is the prevailing attitude? Whether it's right or wrong is another story. It's the current truth. TBH if you go out with your kid and some dirty auld one with filthy hands comes over and tries to handle your child what do you do? Either tell her to **** off or tolerate it out of politeness. What would you do if 6'2'' lenny from mice and men comes over and wants to pet the baby, stand there and let him do it, and help change societies view of the male role in child rearing or tell him the back the **** up. Just sayin'.

Giselle wrote: »

Was lost on him

Nothing was lost on me in this thread. This is a thread for people to validate other peoples opinions, thank each others posts and get pats on the back for portraying a persona of paternalism. OMG aren't you all such fine strapping men able to express your blind love for children.

This is a discussion forum not a group therapy forum, therefore I see no need to partake in this circle jerking spectacle.

JimmyCrackCorn

Khannie

UL_heart_throb wrote: »

Are you mindful of the piss **** and vomit you will have to clean up? Are you aware how much anxiety and worry comes with parenthood? Do you know how much of your free time you will lose?

I have 3 kids so far, so I'm intimate with the answer to all of these questions. I still want more.

These negative things that you focus on are only the tiniest part of parenthood and not in the slightest enough to tip the scales away from having more kids. Do I mop up puke sometimes? Sure. Do I worry? Sure. Are these what I think of when I think of my children? Not in the slightest. We laugh, we play, we eat together, we hug, we love, we share, we kiss, we wave goodbye every morning, we snuggle, I comfort them when they fall, I teach them, I watch them learn, I watch them grow, gain independence, help them to make the most of their their gifts, I protect them and enjoy doing it, and so on and so on and so on. It's great.

staker

UL_heart_throb wrote: »

OMG aren't you all such fine strapping men able to express your blind love for children.

This is a discussion forum not a group therapy forum, therefore I see no need to partake in this circle jerking spectacle.

We get that you don't see too many positives in wanting or having children,but your demeaning attitude towards myself and those that do makes me breathe a sigh of relief that you don't.

Circle jerking is far from what this thread is, we're just a set of fine strapping men who actually can maturely talk about the topic.

goingpostal1

I love this new video from a lady who explains why childfree is the way to go!!

goingpostal1

Before any man fathers kids in Ireland in 2012, maybe it would be worth his while to find out how fathers, especially unmarried fathers, are treated by the courts in this country.

Panthro

goingpostal1 wrote: »

Before any man fathers kids in Ireland in 2012, maybe it would be worth his while to find out how fathers, especially unmarried fathers, are treated by the courts in this country.

That's all well and good but that is not really what this topic is about, and I don't want this topic to turn into a discussion about the Irish Court system, so please stay on the topic.

3DataModem

OP...

Go for it. Have kids. They're great. Find a bird who wants em too, shack up for a while to see if you get on, then get married and have some kids.

You'll not regret it. Sure, your mates will be doing lots of other fun stuff, weekends away, etc, while you're changing nappies and covering schoolbooks. But you'll be more or less done by the time you are 40, and you'll have the best of both worlds.

All above post serious and heartfelt. Why wait?

goingpostal1

The definition of the adjective; broody: • informal (of a woman) having a strong desire to have a baby.

Any guy who feels "broody" is going to run up against the brick wall of his biological limitations pretty quickly.:D:D:D;)

opinion guy

goingpostal1 wrote: »

I love this new video from a lady who explains why childfree is the way to go!!

Well thats a bit of a self-indulgent rant to be fair - and frankly I'm one of those who doesn't understand the broody thing.
but at about 8:20 - 8:40 this made me laugh:

ranting_girl wrote:

I mean probably everybody thinks that their kid will be smart & kind & talented & happy. And yet there are alot of people who end up committing suicide, or get horrible terminal illnesses, or become rapists, or murders.....or Justin Beiber fans.....ugh