Still A Virgin At 25 - Time For An Escort??

SharpshooterTom

Right guys I'm a bit embaressed talking about this but I feel I have to because it bothers me an awful lot.

I don't go out an awful lot, infact at all. I suffered from a lot of social problems when I was younger, I was so painfully shy around 16-22 that it hindered my ability to make friends, particularly at university. I never made the effort to try to address it so all I did was become a social recluse.

I recently did badly in my postgraduate exams (telecommunications msc) and attempted suicide, my brother returned from class early to prevent me however. I feel such a massive failure both socially and academically, and for the first time in my life I've decided to seek councilling to solve this, been to a gp and on anti-depressants. I've been requested for long term therapy, because they believe it might take me a long time to sort me out as its gone on for so long.

I feel such a massive failure both socially and academically. I feel tired of being me/failure and thus questioned whether or not I want to live anymore because the pain is becoming too great (hence why I was suicidal).

One of the things that bothers me is that I've never had a girlfriend (not suprising), and that I'm still a virgin. Now this isn't because of the way I look, heck I could look like brad pitt/tom cruise and would still be a virgin because I'm such a social recluse and chose to be this way.

I'm quite a fit guy, go to the gym regularly, healthy, no appearance problems, but I don't make friends easily.

I recognise that while I could get better with therapy/councilling, I realise that being a virgin over the age of 25 is big drawback in society and is off putting to a lot of women when dating. I don't want to be going into my 30s being a virgin as it would be impossible to get a girlfriend. So I need to do something about it.

I'm not going to become a social king overnight so in the meantime I've considered potentially going down the very sad sad desperate route of doing it with an escort. But I feel I have no choice because of my age. I need the experiance and you're first time is never that great so the escort wont care and will probably teach me.

Its sound pathetic and desperate, but that's the way my life is at moment. Very down about it. Is this the best way at my age to address my "v-card" issue?? Or should I just wait and see if the therapy helps me first and do it in time when I'm ready??

I feel massively under pressure tbh.

Scanlas The 2nd

Gnobe wrote: »

Right guys I'm a bit embaressed talking about this but I feel I have to because it bothers me an awful lot.

I don't go out an awful lot, infact at all. I suffered from a lot of social problems when I was younger, I was so painfully shy around 16-22 that it hindered my ability to make friends, particularly at university. I never made the effort to try to address it so all I did was become a social recluse.

I recently did badly in my postgraduate exams (telecommunications msc) and attempted suicide, my brother returned from class early to prevent me however. I feel such a massive failure both socially and academically, and for the first time in my life I've decided to seek councilling to solve this, been to a gp and on anti-depressants. I've been requested for long term therapy, because they believe it might take me a long time to sort me out as its gone on for so long.

I feel such a massive failure both socially and academically. I feel tired of being me/failure and thus questioned whether or not I want to live anymore because the pain is becoming too great (hence why I was suicidal).

One of the things that bothers me is that I've never had a girlfriend (not suprising), and that I'm still a virgin. Now this isn't because of the way I look, heck I could look like brad pitt/tom cruise and would still be a virgin because I'm such a social recluse and chose to be this way.

I'm quite a fit guy, go to the gym regularly, healthy, no appearance problems, but I don't make friends easily.

I recognise that while I could get better with therapy/councilling, I realise that being a virgin over the age of 25 is big drawback in society and is off putting to a lot of women when dating. I don't want to be going into my 30s being a virgin as it would be impossible to get a girlfriend. So I need to do something about it.

I'm not going to become a social king overnight so in the meantime I've considered potentially going down the very sad sad desperate route of doing it with an escort. But I feel I have no choice because of my age. I need the experiance and you're first time is never that great so the escort wont care and will probably teach me.

Its sound pathetic and desperate, but that's the way my life is at moment. Very down about it. Is this the best way at my age to address my "v-card" issue?? Or should I just wait and see if the therapy helps me first and do it in time when I'm ready??

I feel massively under pressure tbh.

Sorry to hear your your story. Always remember you are good enough. You are fine, their is nothing wrong with you, your thoughts are all that's wrong. Get out as much as you can and talk to everyone, your number one priority when talking to women has to be to amuse yourself, trying to impress women is a huge turn off. The more women you talk to the better you'll get as you relax more.

Einhard

Jesus OP, I posted the previous comment before I actually read your post. AH is definitely the wrong place for this thread. You shouldn't feel like you need to lose your virginity to be a man, or complete, or whatever. You'll find someone that you like or love, and it'll feel right at that time. Don't feel under pressure.

Also, sorry to sound like an agony aunt, but I think you need to talk to a professional. Just to note though: you claim that you're a failute academically, yet talk about sitting postgraduate exams. If you were a failure academically, you wouldn't be at a postgrad level.

guinnessdrinker

Hi Gnobe, sorry to hear you are feeling down. You say you are receiving counseling, give it a chance.

A lot of people do not do as well as they expected in exams. It doesn't mean it's the end of the line. Take some time to decide if you want to do the exams again or even if you want to do something entirely different. Twenty five is still young remember.

As previous poster suggested though, this is probably not the right forum to get serious advice or opinions. Good luck.

Battered Mars Bar

Jeez OP sounds like you've alot going for you, a lot more than some of the losers in AH ( no offence AH :P) You say you're fit at 25 , well done. You've a degree and attempted a post grad, well done. Forget about friends, they're a waste of time trust me and forget about having a girlfriend, they're a waste of time too. Just focus on getting the roide and everything will fall into place after. :cool:

Leeg17

I'll echo what others are saying in that it's not that big of a deal and to wait until you're ready/find someone.

OP, you'll get a more suited response in PI.

Ickle Magoo

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Jen Pigs Fly

From a woman' perspective it would not bother me if I was with someone 25 or older who was a virgin, if I liked the person I would want to be with them, and something so trivial as virginity would not stop me.

Chin up OP there is someone out there for you

Contessa Raven

I think there is WAY too much emphasis placed on sex in society. It's great, it's fun, it's necessary within romantic relationships and it's one thing that most humans crave. BUT it's not that big a deal. No-one should feel pressured into doing it.

I would say wait until you find someone you're comfortable with and like. I do believe it's something that is best experienced when the two people involved like and respect each other. Most women won't care that you've never done it before tbh and if they do, they're not worth your time anyway.

Honestly, OP, I wouldn't worry too much about it. I also would definitely not go to an escort/prostitute. I think it would hurt your self-esteem more in the long run.

LegacyUser

I'm not qualified to talk about the mental health aspects but I'm glad you are seeking professional help and that is the right step.

However I too was a virgin into my twenties and I too ended up going to an escort/prostitute, whatever you want to call it, I think I was 25 also. By that age I had kissed one girl and done nothing else. I was a virgin and it seemed like that was never going to change. I was abroad and drunk one night and ended up going to one and I immediately regretted doing it. But that didn't stop me making the same mistake a few months later however I was even more drunk that time and couldn't do anything.

I beat myself up over it for a long time and wished I hadn't done it. Even now in I'm my thirties, while I'm over it, I still would have rather my first time would have been with a normal girl. I didn't even enjoy it either so it was a bad move whatever way you look at it.

After that it was back to wilderness for me and I didn't have sex with anyone for another 4 or 5 years, so nothing really changed afterwards and it didn't make things any better.

Going to a hooker did nothing for my self-esteem and rather than feeling like Mr Big shot that I wasn't a virgin anymore, I felt like an idiot for doing what I did so it made things worse.

I don't think it will help your state of mind going to an escort. As for any girl who looks negatively on you being a virgin, any such girl is just a waste of space and you are better off without them.

All the best with your recovery, I hope it's full and speedy.

Gnobe

Gnobe wrote: »

I realise that being a virgin over the age of 25 is big drawback in society and is off putting to a lot of women when dating. I don't want to be going into my 30s being a virgin as it would be impossible to get a girlfriend.

It's really not that bad. It really isn't. This has been amplified hugely in your mind, trust me. Being a virgin at 25 is only a drawback in society if you've got a hang-up about it. The mere fact itself has no effect on other people, and the only people who will actually judge you on it will be those who are insecure about their own sexual experience. As for going into your thirties as a virgin, it will not make it impossible to get a girlfriend, but why are you even thinking about it? You've got 5 YEARS to get through first, and once you sort out your other, far more important issues, it will become a lot easier to make friends and more.

I need the experiance and you're first time is never that great so the escort wont care and will probably teach me.

This isn't really an accurate representation of the situation. If you want to be able to say you've had sex, then yes, an escort can help you with that. But if you want experience, then you wont get it with an escort. Experience is knowing what you like, feeling comfortable with sex, and having experience-based knowledge of what other people like. Having a one-timer with an escort isn't going to suddenly make you good in bed, and here's a secret: you might already be good in bed, you haven't tried it yet to find out! If anything, there's a chance that an experience with an escort could skew your view of sex, or give you more hang-ups than just feeling a little inexperienced.

If you want to be able to honestly tell people you're not a virgin, then go down the escort route. If you want actual experience, an emotionally healthy sexual past, and a better chance of forming strong, healthy sexual relationships in the future, here's what I'd advise:
-Don't get an escort.
-Forget about whether you're a virgin or not, regardless of how difficult you find it to ignore.
-Focus on your mental health.
-Work on your attitude, confidence, and happiness.

When you're feeling like a more happy, at ease person, you'll find things like making friends and finding sex much easier. I'm speaking from personal experience.

strandroad

xxxJennyxxx wrote: »

From a woman' perspective it would not bother me if I was with someone 25 or older who was a virgin, if I liked the person I would want to be with them, and something so trivial as virginity would not stop me.

Chin up OP there is someone out there for you

I agree with that. Also OP, dating a guy whose first experience was with a prostitute would be much weirder than dating a virgin for me.

Big Bag of Chips

Gnobe wrote: »

I realise that being a virgin over the age of 25 is big drawback in society and is off putting to a lot of women when dating.

I don't know how or why being a virgin would be a draw back in society? "Society" doesn't know you're a virgin unless you tell them! What probably is a draw back for you is being shy and suffering from depression and finding yourself feeling awkward in social gatherings... but, please believe me, you being a virgin is not a problem or an issue for anyone other than you.

And as for the bit I highlighted! I don't know any woman that I know that would find it "off putting". Any woman who likes you will like you for being you. Not for being some big stud (or someone who went off with a prostitute).

It's good that you are getting counselling, and I hope will overcome the main issues in your life. But, and I know it's easy for us on here to say, it's not so easy to believe... but being a virgin is a big deal for you, it's not for others. It's not what will define you.

msg11

As echoed by most posters so far. Your 25, still very young, I'm 22 myself in saying that. I think, you need to change your channel of thinking. Your looking at yourself as a failure, instead you need to focus this energy on building your character up, develop a personality, what makes you tick etc.. Then building on this, you can make friends. Thus friends including both male and female, in the end you'll develop close friends hopefully some romantic interests from females.

I wouldn't recommend going to a escourt at all, many times I have heard people regret it and wish they never done it. First of it's not real it's just sex. Sex is something that should be something that money could never buy, go deep with both people and be emotionally linked.

Have a read of http://secretdiaryofadublincallgirl.wordpress.com/ give you a inside into a 'call girl'.

I wouldn't worry to much about it, would work more on your social skills which you say you lack. If you get that correct the rest will fall in place. Best of luck and don't be so hard on yourself .

thefeatheredcat

Considering the battering your self esteem and mental health has taken, not to mention probably your emotional health I would actually think that you are better off not to go down the route of an escort.

I think it would, in a way harm you and cause you further issues... I'd actually worry about that. Personally I think you would be better off sorting yourself and your issues out, allowing yourself to have a high self esteem and self worth, value yourself and find yourself in a secure. loving, stable relationship where you can connect on many levels to enjoy and explore sex in a positive way. Do it when you're ready.

Gnobe wrote: »

I recognise that while I could get better with therapy/councilling, I realise that being a virgin over the age of 25 is big drawback in society and is off putting to a lot of women when dating. I don't want to be going into my 30s being a virgin as it would be impossible to get a girlfriend. So I need to do something about it.

I don't believe so, no. I was crazy about a guy who in his near mid 20s was a virgin. It didn't bother me at all, it wasn't an issue for me and I don't see why it should be. Everybody's different and everyone will have a different view; despite what society or anyone else might think, you should do what is right for you under positive circumstances that makes you feel happy about yourself.

If you were to go ahead with an escort, would it honestly make you happier about yourself, increase your self esteem, give yourself a positive perception of yourself and increased self worth, or would it possibly feed insecurity and low self esteem ?

The best option is generally the healthier option in terms of psychological and emotional health and well being.

Overheal

Well you acknowledge your virginity is a choice.

You didn't choose to make it this far without having some pretty high flung ideas about sex. And by that, I mean you clearly place it as something you're meant to do with someone you really care about, and it's meant to be an extremely intimate event.

If you think you are going to get anywhere near that experience with an escort or a one night stand, I think you'll find you are rather mistaken. And afterwards I hazard you will feel like a bit of a dope afterward. Because unless you are going to start of with the first girl you start to fall in love with by lying to her, you're going to have to wind up eventually explaining that you aren't a virgin, and that you chose to lose it through an escort service.

Virginity is only a stigma if you allow it to be. Otherwise it's a rare and wonderful character trait that displays you're most likely a very patient, faithful and romantic person. When you find the right person, they are gonna dig that. Really you've just been waiting 25 odd years to share that with someone really special, yes?

Andy-Pandy

Dont loose your virginity to a prostitute OP, you could never take that back.

mathproblem

Here is a documentary about precisely your type of quandry OP... A shy, somewhat reclusive, socially awkward guy goes through a kind of professional service in Amsterdam. As far as I can remember he engages in kind of a slow process of getting used to the company, then the touch, then soft sexual situations with one particular lady (who was a bit older iirc - oedipal minefield). And then after he goes through with the full sex with a prostitute who claims to specialise in that type of service.

http://www.channel4.com/programmes/virgin-school/4od

To me it played out like he was going through a kind of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy(CBT), whereby he would put himself into a situation that caused him anxiety (ie. contact with a ladyfolk) and then allow himself to stay with the anxiety until he realised it wasn't going to kill him and then subsided. With time he became more comfortable in those situations until he went through with it.

I thought it was a very interesting show and it provoked some thoughts about how the sale of sex could be different in a society that organised it differently and doesn't sweep it underground and into the arms of evil international crime syndicates, scumbag gangsters. I'm not saying I agree with Amsterdam btw, because there is a major influence from Morroccan & Turkish criminal networks over the industry there, and many vulnerable women are recruited by deception after falling to the charms of slick individuals who then sell them on after a honeymoon period of gaining their trust before breaking down their morals. Seeing the windows lined up like some giant vending machine selling objects just didn't sit right with me but like I say that programme did give food for thought.

But anyway back to the CBT issue: perhaps it would be good for you to go through a similar process to him. But instead of hooking up with a sex service you could hook up with a counsellor (or if you cant afford one get a book from the library and set yourself the tasks) and set yourself some tasks putting yourself in some of the situations where your social frailties and shyness become an issue. You could for example task yourself to strike up a conversation with 10 women, maybe in bars, maybe a museum, coffee shops, the park etc... Or the task could be to ask 10 women out(or you could even make that task two.)

Now say if those conversations go disastrously, you can at least note your anxiety levels and any disastrous thoughts you have about the consequences of those conversations... allow yourself to sit with the anxiety of the conversations no matter how well or badly they go and realise for yourself that it hasn't been the end of the world and you can move on and your life hasn't been wrecked by it. I guarantee by the tenth conversation you are much better able to converse with women. Same for asking them out, you are probably guaranteed to get rejected a few times if you are socially awkward, you may even freak one or two of the women out, it may even be by their own social failings that they are freaked out.. but even if you are rejected 10 times you will realise that it hasn't killed you... by the 10th time you are sure to have gained comfort in talking to them and likely might've gotten a date.

There are some great books in the libraries that would help you to monitor your anxieties and other feelings and thoughts by ranking your feelings and keeping a journal. But the book won't save you you will have to work up the courage to plough into the work if you really wanna see benefits and change your life. Some local plc colleges offer courses of classes that help you work on those things too.

My point is that how much better would it be if you could work yourself up to being a guy that is capable of being in social situations, and in the company of women and particularly in their company as a romantic & sexual being asking for your needs to be met... rather than to simply go out and pay, and perhaps be left so that the only way you ever know how to fulfill your needs is to pay, just so you can arbitrarily tick it off as something you've done by thirty.

A prostitute may be able to scratch your itch in a physical sense but apart from the physical motions of sex there is the boost to the self of the way a woman looks at you and you know she wants you, whether it be for a snog or for more, a lusty girl up for a one nighter after a nightclub or a longtime friend who has fallen for you, or a new romance.. there is a truth in that look, and in those feelings that can carry on into every physical sensation thereafter from the brush of a cheek onwards.. i've never slept with a prostitute but I don't imagine you could ever get that with such a transaction, no matter how good at her job she is.

By the way you should realise how you are not alone, especially when it comes to the social awkwardess, i could probably do with taking some of my own advice as regards to putting oneself out there, as im sure is true for many others. Also half of ireland would never have had sex without alcohol, and maturity in talking about sex is not something were famed for either.

I'm sure if you were to work on your comfort socially, with your education and the fact you take care of your body you might just find yourself in very high demand from the ladies by the time you're 30.

LegacyUser

I know this post will goes against the prevailing advice in this thread and in particular didthesame's post but I can only draw on personal experience

I lost my virginity to a prostitute (admittedly at a younger age but still a lot later than most guys) and to be honest I'm really glad I did it, Obviously I would have liked it to happen in an other way but before I did I tended to self-sabotaged my opportunities with girls to 'seal the deal' and part of me wishes I'd done it when I was younger as it improved my life considerably.

Doing it made my sub-conscious realise what I already knew in my head, that the actual act of sex isn't a strange mystery (doing it right now, bit different ), I think virginity for guys is a very different things to girls, this may seem stereotypical but I can't think of a situation in Real life or the media where guys sit around and talk about their first time, and in reply to the post xxxJennyxxx, that may be true but confidence is a major force of attraction and though loosing it in this way may not increase his confidence as such it could remove a nagging doubt or fear.

The OP's situation does sound very different to mine as I was quite happy at the time and had a pretty good social life however the thread is not about his mental health as a whole but rather is quite specific. If he can it and walk away from it with one less worry it may really helphim

SharpshooterTom

Einhard wrote:

Also, sorry to sound like an agony aunt, but I think you need to talk to a professional. Just to note though: you claim that you're a failute academically, yet talk about sitting postgraduate exams. If you were a failure academically, you wouldn't be at a postgrad level.

I got a 2.2 at undergraduate, partly due to the fact that I was lonely and unhappy at university and did badly in my final year, I've had this problem for sometime as you can see.

Its the reason partly why I'm doing a msc to override my 2.2. When 3 out of 4 employers look for a 2.1 or better, you feel like a failure and wonder was it all worth it.

xxxJennyxxx wrote:

From a woman' perspective it would not bother me if I was with someone 25 or older who was a virgin, if I liked the person I would want to be with them, and something so trivial as virginity would not stop me.

I appreciate there are women who think like this but from what I gather they probably are in the minority. Everytime I read plentyoffish forums or dating websites they all strictly against dating inexperianced men, which is my problem and thus feel like a failure. No girlfriend by 25 = never will have a girlfriend.

xxxJennyxxx wrote:

Chin up OP there is someone out there for you

This is part of my problem as I don't think there is one. My social skills are just too poor.

I feel like I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life which was why I've become depressed, thinking the world hates me, and why I was suicidal because I feel the worlds better off without me in the long run.

I don't want to go down the escort route but reading stuff I read on the internet suggests I may have no other choice.

LegacyUser

Gnobe wrote: »

I got a 2.2 at undergraduate, partly due to the fact that I was lonely and unhappy at university and did badly in my final year, I've had this problem for sometime as you can see.

Its the reason partly why I'm doing a msc to override my 2.2. When 3 out of 4 employers look for a 2.1 or better, you feel like a failure and wonder was it all worth it.



I appreciate there are women who think like this but from what I gather they probably are in the minority. Everytime I read plentyoffish forums or dating websites they all strictly against dating inexperianced men, which is my problem and thus feel like a failure. No girlfriend by 25 = never will have a girlfriend.



This is part of my problem as I don't think there is one. My social skills are just too poor.

I feel like I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life which was why I've become depressed, thinking the world hates me, and why I was suicidal because I feel the worlds better off without me in the long run.

I don't want to go down the escort route but reading stuff I read on the internet suggests I may have no other choice.

Had go unreg for this.
Now why would you want to go out with a girl who refuses to go out with inexperienced guys? If that is what the majority of women want, well then the majority of women are bitches. I don't think its the majority either tbh most women are lovely and care more about the package rather than how it got delivered, there's a pun in there somewhere but this is PI.
A 2.2 is grand, it got you onto an Msc didn't it? There are more important things than exam results in determining your employability, Christ sure I got a 3rd and I'm doing pretty OK.
Waste of money getting an escort, I've heard they keep their legs closed so you're not actually riding them properly.

You can try build up some confidence just by trying to talk to women with no intentions of anything happening. Waiting in the shop for the machine to print credit or whatever just say "weathers terrible isn't it" or vice versa. Tis easy to do and nobody judges people for filling a bit of silence with inane chatter. And it is to, boring, inane ****e that people talk but thats how you get to know someone or fill silence with a stranger. It'll build up your confidence since it'll reassure you that your not constantly being judged.
I lost my virginity fairly late as well, it'll happen when you least expect it, well I don't mean your going to be raped but...ah you know what I mean. Keep up the gym and the therapy, you'll be grand.

LegacyUser

I can relate to the OP.

For me, it was not so much that I was a virgin ... most people agree that being a virgin is not a big deal.

The fact that I couldn't lose it was more of the issue.

Going out week after week, drinking in overpriced pubs and clubs, chatting up random women and getting absolutely nowhere was the bone of contention for me. Like hitting your head off a brick wall.

When I was in my early 20s, it didn't bother me a bit, I had fun going out with da lads and the odd kiss on the dancefloor kept me ticking over.


As the years went by and I reached 26, I slowly realized that it was not happening for me.

I couldn't figure out why. What was so different about me that I couldn't take a girl home. get a girl's number, anything.

I too started thinking about the escort road. Then a fews days after I turned 26, me and some work mates had a couple pints after work on a Friday evening and everyone went home.

Back at the apartment, I rang an escort up, got a cab, and went round to her place.
Did the business and it was a good experience for me. Sex is fun. I'm sure men and women on here would agree.

Many one-night stands I saw my mates pull through the years it is also two strangers.
Is going to an escort much different? I thought no, what the hell.

Since then, has anything changed for me? Has going to an escort to pop the cherry opened the floodgates for me? No, it hasn't.


So OP, even if you decide to go to an escort, after your 30mins is up, will your life be any better?

Do you think you'll have a weight taken from your shoulder?
Somehow I doubt it. The same insecurities, shyness, will still be there.

Loosing your virginity won't change your life. You will still be the same person after.

LegacyUser

If you have poor social skills your just going to have to repeatedly put yourself in awkward situations until your comfortable. I know people say that it comes naturally to people but it really doesnt. Like any skill its something your going to have to work on. Good sociability skills arise from constantly interacting with people in daily life. If your not prepared to face embarassement in getting there then you'll never develop these skills. I know its hard at the start but your just going to have to swallow your pride and interact. Its not easy but eventually you'll become good. But dont go to a hooker.

Mickey Dazzler

I don't think sleeping with a hooker will change your life but it might take the edge off. After the act you will realise that is no big deal. Be carful though, just go the once. You don't want to be one of those guys who go week in week out.

However if you really want to loose your virginity in style you should head off to Thailand for two weeks. You would be well looked after there.

LegacyUser

You sound as if your self esteem is quite low OP. I think if you go to a prostitute this will only end up being an even greater blow to your opinion of yourself. At the end of the day you will lose your virginity but you won't feel any better about yourself - all you'll have done is pay someone to have sex with you and thats kinda "cheating" isn't it? Its not a real encounter at all. I think you'll end up feeling a lot of shame etc and thats before you go into the health risks of STDs etc.

Honestly, "real" women won't be too bothered if you're a virgin at 25. In fact a lot of them might even like the fact that you haven't been a "player" in the past. I think you're actually better off in your mid twenties being a virgin than at the age of 18-21 when you might have met with more immature responses.

As for the other issues you have raised I think the way you feel about this topic is only a symptom of some deeper underlying problems you have mentioned. If you're not doing so already seek the help of a counsellor or take advice from your GP on being referred to someone to talk to. Your money will be far better spent doing something like that which will benefit you long term than wasting it on a smutty charade with a hooker.

x Purple Pawprints x

OP take the time to improve your social skills and wait for the right person. There's way too much pressure put on people to lose their virginity by a certain age and I think this results in a lot of people regretting their first time because they do it just to say they're not a virgin. I can relate to your post to a certain extent because I lost mine at 22 just last year. At certain stages I did feel pressure to just "get it over with" but I am so glad I waited. I don't regret it one bit and I'm still with the guy I lost it to.

Best of luck with the therapy, I hope you feel better soon.

Tigger99

xxxJennyxxx wrote: »

From a woman' perspective it would not bother me if I was with someone 25 or older who was a virgin, if I liked the person I would want to be with them, and something so trivial as virginity would not stop me.

Chin up OP there is someone out there for you

+1,000,000

Im a woman and it wouldnt bother me in the slightest if my boyfriend was a virgin. However it would bother me greatly if he had used a prostitute in the past.

Jen Pigs Fly

Gnobe wrote: »

I appreciate there are women who think like this but from what I gather they probably are in the minority. Everytime I read plentyoffish forums or dating websites they all strictly against dating inexperianced men, which is my problem and thus feel like a failure. No girlfriend by 25 = never will have a girlfriend.



This is part of my problem as I don't think there is one. My social skills are just too poor.

I feel like I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life which was why I've become depressed, thinking the world hates me, and why I was suicidal because I feel the worlds better off without me in the long run.

I don't want to go down the escort route but reading stuff I read on the internet suggests I may have no other choice.

I really wish I could help more, dating websites can be a horrible place to find people though, trust me, all they want is one thing, it can take a long time to find a genuine girl who you will feel comfortable with, would be very hard to find one on those type of websites - especially free dating sites, avoid them like the plague, they're basically used for hook ups and nothing more!

And again age is just a number, just because you've never had a girlfriend by 25 doesn't mean you won't have one by 26, you have to try to think positively You would be surprised just how much your outlook in life will change if you just try to think of the positive side.

trust me you will look back on this one day and wonder why you ever felt this way, I honestly do wish there was more I could do to help you, I hate hearing of people so down on something so trivial, not much that can be said over internet forums that won't be repeated over and over again.

Oh and I must mention on a completely different note, guys who are inexperienced can be great! Because they're willing to try anything once and are so much nicer towards you. If I was given the choice between someone very inexperience over a sex god I would take the inexperienced man purely because I know he would treat me a lot better and we'd have more fun trying new things!

LegacyUser

Tigger99 wrote: »

+1,000,000

Im a woman and it wouldnt bother me in the slightest if my boyfriend was a virgin. However it would bother me greatly if he had used a prostitute in the past.

^^
This exactly OP. I don't know where you got your information about girls being bothered about dating a virgin but amongst my large group of female friends that certainly wouldn't have been an issue. My own story-I lost my virginity at 17,felt pressured into by an older brother's friend and it basically was the worse experience of my life,however I was lucky enough to meet a wonderful guy about a year later,told me he was a virgin,absolutely no big deal at all to me,we waited about a year to finally sleep together and we ended up with an amazing sex life and my only regret is that I had my 1st sexual experience in such a pressurised way.
Losing your virginity is not the be all and end all of your life OP.

Dravokivich

Know exactly where you are coming from. And in a rush to get laid I had some terrible one night stands. Going to an escort is going to be just that except handing money over directly for it.

Hated when people tried to say "No Pressure," because there's an immense pressure when you don't have the slightest clue about it. So I'm not going to say that.

If you decide against the services of an escort, don't discount Online Dating. I've done it myself and found it terrifying at times as others have stated above, but no more terrifying then I found it actually trying to chat up and pick up women "In Real Life." People are people regardless of the medium you use. You'll come across a lot of tripe, but something could eventually stand out from it.

newuser30

As a woman it would not bother me one bit if someone I was dating was a virgin, at any age! But he would have to be confident about it, and not give a fiddlers what society, peers, anyone thinks about it! If he turned around and said proudly I was waiting for the right girl then I, and I think most women would be over the moon. Women who 'want someone experienced' are just trying to keep up with this sex obsessed society, the sex and the city culture, its all BS. Your problem is you care way too much what the world thinks about you.
My current boyfriend was a virgin at 22 when I met him, I wasn't, and I couldn't of cared less. Neither could he, he was practically proud of it.
However if he had turned round and acted like it was some shameful secret, and had then went and lost it to an escort, well I wouldnt have even gone near him to be honest.
You are focussing way to much on the act itself. You have to concentrate on getting to know a woman, being a good and kind boyfriend. A woman will sense if you have one thing/goal on your mind and not really interested in her as a person. Its very sleazy and unattractive. Remember be confident, dont give a f*ck what you think is expected on you as a man or whatever. If it happens it happens. If it doesn't it doesn't!!

newport2

OP, if you meet someone you don't even have to mention you're a virgin. If it bothers you, don't.

If you start dating a girl, sleeping with her and she finds out afterwards that she was the first one, then I can't imagine her feeling anything other than a) don't care or b) delighted.

Escorts are not your solution and will change nothing. Probably as effective as watching Band of Brothers in preparation for going to war. Not a real situation and false feedback I expect, they're paid to pretend they're enjoying it.

Nothingbetter2d

go to copperface jacks.... one of the ladies there will sort ya out

LegacyUser

I don't think having sex is the issue here. It sounds like your suffering from a serious lack of self esteem and confidence. If you met a girl who was a virgin at say 33, would you think it weird or that you wouldn't be with them cos of a lack of experience. Wouldn't bother me.
I am glad to see that your getting on dating websites, I hope you got a photo up too. You have to put yourself out there, you will get rejected a hell of a lot more times than not. Thats the norm, well it is for me but thats the way things are. Its like the lotto, if your not in, you cannot win.

Go talk to a councilor / therapist, it should help you feel better. There is nothing wrong with it either. It will help you interact socially better, getting dialogue going and that. If you do go down the hooker route, best keep that info to yourself. A lot of girls / guys don't like it, you can say that you had a one night stand or something. I recommend waiting until you meet someone, it'll be better no matter what age you are.

As for the 2.2, I dropped out with my 1.3 and i'm doing fine. Life ain't about what your grades, your qualifications, what you have in the bank or if you are a virgin or not. You need to try and be happy.

I used to think about suicide when I was younger but then came to the realization that if I done it, no one would really be bothered (accept my immediate family). Thought me to think that generally my actions only affect me, I only answer to me really. Nobody cares what I do, only me. Hard to explain but I hope that helps.

Benny_Cake

OP, it sounds as if you are suffering from a degree of social anxiety combined with low self-esteem. It's nothing to be ashamed about, I've been there myself. I can tell you though that simply having sex with someone won't change that though. Talk to someone about how you feel and grow to be comfortable in your own skin. Sex, and hopefully it will be with someone special to you - can wait till later. "Virginity" isn't worth getting hung up about and I can promise you when you meet the right woman it certainly won't matter to her. Best of luck to you!