feel I'm stuck in relationship

LegacyUser

I'm in early 40s and have been going out with a guy for 3 years. We are in separate towns and meet at least every weekend and go away on holidays together. I have never been married but have been close to it once before(engaged). I know I am probably a bit of a commitment freak, and this time is no exception, except this guy is different from those I
've previously dated. If anything, he is probably less of a soulmate (ie have things in common)for me than other men have been but I am far more realistic about how relationships dont have to be perfect etc at this stage in my life.
I have 'broken it off' a few times in the past 2 and a half years but never got beyond a few hours. Not exactly sure why that is- possibly beacuse he is so hurt(angry and rejected) and I think I buckle at the last minute. He is also very convincing and hurtful about why I have done that and I think I am a wimp at feeling guilty. (I am worried he will evn read this at somne stage)
The reason I say he is different from previous guys is that he is much more of a lad- drinks excessively(8 bottles of a Fri night watching TV), poor hygiene, bit of a messer(which can be fun at times), smokes, curses. On a positive note, he is very intelligent, quite sensitive behind the laddish stuff, good around the house and thoughful to a point. He has lost weight for me, and feels he is bending more than me in this whole thing. (ie staying in more when he would love to go out).
I dont know if I have the gumption to break it off/ I wonder could I settle for this. I am normally very hard to please. Could I change this aspect of myself? Has anyone else been in the same position? Perhaps I am just an unhappy person and expect a relationship to make me feel happy?

Killed By Death

It sounds like the only reason you are with him is because he gets angry and guilt trips you when you try to end the relationship. This is not good enough.

You can't stay with someone you don't want to be with through guilt.

Also to me it sounds like you are a little bit intimidated by his anger outbursts when you break it off. You have to face your fear and go through with it. I know confrontation is difficult and it sounds like you are avoiding facing up to this issue because you are nervous of conflict.

But you can't live your life with an unsuitable partner for that reason. Bite the bullet, do it and go 'no contact'. Don't allow him to manipulate you. Be strong and stick to your guns. It's not your duty to keep him happy by sacrificing your own happiness. You deserve to be happy.

loremolis

In my opinion the first and only question you should be asking yourself is " would my life be better with or without this guy in it."

You need to honestly think about that before you make a decision.