Typical access to children arrangements

wobblyknees

Hi, hope nobody minds me posting this in here but I'm interested to get an opinion on what men usually ask for in relation to access arrangement for their children. Would be interested in getting a female opinion on this. Does it depend on the number or age of the kids for example? Anyway, thanks for listening.

Ickle Magoo

Moved from tLL.

As tLL is a forum to facilitate discussion from a female perspective rather than poll for female views, your question is better posed here.

All the best. :cool:

yellowcrayon

It depends how far you live from your children. From what ive seen, if the parents live in the same town, where the children can still go to the same school, many men would ask for half the week with their children.

If you live further away, a lot of men would ask for the weekend with them, but would usually get one night and one day i.e. child comes over at 6pm Saturday, heads away again at 6pm Sunday.

When kids are over the age of 16 though, they are generally allowed to make the decision for themselves. So if they decide they'd only like to see the parent one day a week, or 4 , it would be taken into consideration in court.

paperclip2

When my daughter was a lil one her dad had her for one full weekend and one other weekend day per month. At the time he was living almost 300 miles away.

She spends every second Christmas with him as well as 3/4 weeks during the summer holidays.

She's 16 now and they pretty much organise it themselves. She can pop on the bus on a Friday and he drops her home on a Sunday every couple of weeks. I often don't hear about it till the day before, its just part of our routine

wobblyknees

yellowcrayon wrote: »

It depends how far you live from your children. From what ive seen, if the parents live in the same town, where the children can still go to the same school, many men would ask for half the week with their children.

If you live further away, a lot of men would ask for the weekend with them, but would usually get one night and one day i.e. child comes over at 6pm Saturday, heads away again at 6pm Sunday.

When kids are over the age of 16 though, they are generally allowed to make the decision for themselves. So if they decide they'd only like to see the parent one day a week, or 4 , it would be taken into consideration in court.

Thanks, my kids are all under 8, live local, but I work further away so can't see them during the week. The arrangement to date is that I have them at weekends, one long, one short. Kind of means I have no social life but love my kids and know they need me.

wobblyknees

paperclip2 wrote: »

When my daughter was a lil one her dad had her for one full weekend and one other weekend day per month. At the time he was living almost 300 miles away.

She spends every second Christmas with him as well as 3/4 weeks during the summer holidays.

She's 16 now and they pretty much organise it themselves. She can pop on the bus on a Friday and he drops her home on a Sunday every couple of weeks. I often don't hear about it till the day before, its just part of our routine

This sounds great, the issue for me is that I have more than one young child and there is a query over the weekend arrangements we have had in place for a while now. Just trying to get a feel for what is the accepted normal practice. I should mention that my ex doesn't work so is with the kids during the week.

silly

How about you ask for 2 long weekends a month instead of one long one short.
Dont feel guilty about wanting a social life when you have kids. Its the least anyone deserves.
Every second weekend sounds reasonable I think?

and maybe a longer period during the summer, a week here or there?

wobblyknees

silly wrote: »

How about you ask for 2 long weekends a month instead of one long one short.
Dont feel guilty about wanting a social life when you have kids. Its the least anyone deserves.
Every second weekend sounds reasonable I think?

and maybe a longer period during the summer, a week here or there?

I know what you mean, but not seeing my kids for two weeks doesn't feel right. They are still little and this is the time I feel I need to be there for them.

silly

wobblyknees wrote: »

I know what you mean, but not seeing my kids for two weeks doesn't feel right. They are still little and this is the time I feel I need to be there for them.

Maybe pick one/two evenings a week where you have them over to yours to have their dinner etc..

Daisy M

I wouldnt worry too much about what is the normal. set up for other parents but more about finding a routine that will suit everyone involved. Would it be acceptable to you to get a trusted person to babysit once a week after the children are gone to bed?

My brothers access to his children was set by a judge, he works away and he has the children 3 weekends out of every 4. He would also get a couple of hours on wed evening if he was not working away.

wobblyknees

silly wrote: »

Maybe pick one/two evenings a week where you have them over to yours to have their dinner etc..

If I could do this I would, but again it is difficult due to working hours.

wobblyknees

Daisy M wrote: »

I wouldnt worry too much about what is the normal. set up for other parents but more about finding a routine that will suit everyone involved. Would it be acceptable to you to get a trusted person to babysit once a week after the children are gone to bed?

My brothers access to his children was set by a judge, he works away and he has the children 3 weekends out of every 4. He would also get a couple of hours on wed evening if he was not working away.

I'm thinking this might be a good option as they get older. It's just the idea of not seeing them every week that troubles me. I guess I'm not the only one to have these concerns.